Dilation: How to Hate it Less?

[januarysunshine]

So i'm just getting back into dilating after a long hiatus. My husband stopped having sex with me in Aug 2013, and left in June 2014. I hadnt slept with anyone but him during the last 8 years we've been married. He was small to begin with, so i knew i was losing depth depending on our sex life as dilation. Then he cut back on sex and then totally stopped, so i didnt start dilating because i was unhappy and stuff.

Anyways im determined to get me back, so im dilating again. It sucks! I hate it! It hurts, i bleed, and i am sooo sore. I use a numbing cream first, and lots of lube. But being shriveled, its going to take time....i mean it looks feels and acts ok but my depth is nowhere near where it used to be.

So now that i want to get my depth back and dilate more regularly, how do I "make" myself do it? I have never had to stretch my vag back out because i was so dilligent right after SRS. What can i do to make myself comtinue doing it despite how painful and boring it is?

Also, any thoughts on pad vs tampon, post dilation? I bleed alot right now and the pads work fine but are so bulky and make me feel sweaty. I prefer tampons but dont want to over-dry my vag i worked so hard to get moist.

Thoughts?

[Serenation]

as someone that has little experience compared to you I would say, you really shouldn't be making yourself bleed. it's just going to make it more painfull the next time. Just use ultra thin liners instead of pads. Though that would only be to soak up lube if you are not bleeding. Watch a movie, or an adult movie to make it more interesting.

[Dena]

Ok, at least 12 years proper dilation and another 8 years with you husband some what irregular. The first 12 year should have stretched you out correctly and that should have been enough healing time so the last 8 year shouldn't have caused much harm.

In my case, I was pretty faithful to dilation for the first 20 years and then somewhere I got busy and didn't do it for 10 years. I have returned to dilation and I am still using my one size only dilator which is about the same size I was before surgery and the first time without numbing cream took about 10 minutes for the dilator to reach depth. I maintained a steady pressure and didn't rush it. There was no bleeding and while uncomfortable, the process wasn't really painful. I am only doing it once a week and thing are getting better each time.

If you are bleeding, you might want to have a doctor check it out and if you aren't using it, premarin cream might be in order to help with the elastically of the vagina. If you have graduated dilators, you might want to start with a smaller one and work your way up because differences in our surgeries may require different dilation procedures to return the vagina to it's original size. I would recommend sticking with a pad to soak up the mess but as I don't bleed, I just plan my shower after the session and that cleans up everything.

As far as entertainment, I didn't plan it that way but I now have a TV in the bedroom however I tend to use my smart phone to catch up on the news or read a book. Before the smart phone I always had something to read by the bed for entertainment (no it wasn't porn).

[Nicole]

So i'm just getting back into dilating after a long hiatus. My husband stopped having sex with me in Aug 2013, and left in June 2014. I hadnt slept with anyone but him during the last 8 years we've been married. He was small to begin with, so i knew i was losing depth depending on our sex life as dilation. Then he cut back on sex and then totally stopped, so i didnt start dilating because i was unhappy and stuff.

Anyways im determined to get me back, so im dilating again. It sucks! I hate it! It hurts, i bleed, and i am sooo sore. I use a numbing cream first, and lots of lube. But being shriveled, its going to take time....i mean it looks feels and acts ok but my depth is nowhere near where it used to be.

So now that i want to get my depth back and dilate more regularly, how do I "make" myself do it? I have never had to stretch my vag back out because i was so dilligent right after SRS. What can i do to make myself comtinue doing it despite how painful and boring it is?

After a few months I started to enjoy dilation a little bit more because I would read and watch female porn, I wanted to start thinking of it as a sexual thing more than a open wound.

Also, any thoughts on pad vs tampon, post dilation? I bleed alot right now and the pads work fine but are so bulky and make me feel sweaty. I prefer tampons but dont want to over-dry my vag i worked so hard to get moist.

Thoughts?

pads.
Tampons can and WILL do some damage to you, you risk TSS, you risk not getting it out and you risk hurting yourself.

[januarysunshine]

Sounds like I better use the Premarin cream again. I was good about it but it's messy, goopy and smells...yet more work.
I try to relax but I'm always super anxious anyways. I do it after my bedtime Xanax.
I used to watch porn and made it a thing but I'm going through some stuff right now including depression that make me not feel sexy.
I'm using pads now because tampons irritate me...I'm a little dry. I'm sure things will get better the more I do it, it's just forcing myself to make time...so much upkeep. It was easier when I had a man to do the job for me.lol


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[OCAnne]

Sounds like I better use the Premarin cream again. I was good about it but it's messy, goopy and smells...yet more work.

Hello, I was prescribed Premarin .625? Cream by SRS surgeon but was directed to put it on the outside everyday.  I keep reading that it has to go inside the neo-vagina?  How do you keep it from slipping off the dilator?  I use coconut oil for dilation.  No issue with the process but I seem very dry inside.
Thank you,
Anne

[mm]

I would say no to tampon, they will absorb all the fluid and make you very dry and will probably be hard to pull out, might even pull so much on your tender vagina and produce cut that will also bleed.  Even a small tampon can absorb a lot of fluid and need a little fluid on the outside of them to make it easier to pull out.

[Rejennyrated]

Well to answer the question posed in the title I suppose you could find a suitably profiled vibe of the right size and dilate with that... I'm really sorry you are having diffculty though.

Dont think tampons are a good idea - we get a lot of women coming in to A&E (or ER if you are in the USA) with septic shock and all sorts from tampons anyway - so even for menstruation they arent always a great idea. Could try a moon cup maybe?

Also I concur with those who say you should not really be bleeding anyway... you may be trying to go to fast... improving slowly may give better results because if you bleed you may scar and scars aren't elastic...

[januarysunshine]

Hello, I was prescribed Premarin .625? Cream by SRS surgeon but was directed to put it on the outside everyday.  I keep reading that it has to go inside the neo-vagina?  How do you keep it from slipping off the dilator?  I use coconut oil for dilation.  No issue with the process but I seem very dry inside.
Thank you,
Anne

Anne, you can put a dab on the tip of the dilator prior to insertion. I prefer to use a numbing antibiotic cream...I can stretch the tissue easier with less pain...that's how we were taught after SRS.
Tampons aren't actually bad if you have problems. My dr recommended them when I was using too much Premarin cream...I was dizzy and nauseous and the tampon pulled the Premarin into it so I wasn't overdosing and getting sick. If you're dry to start with(raises hand) then pads are better.
I just hate the whole dilating process...do time consuming.
Y'all I was going to get a smaller dilator but I'm getting better each day I do it...I'd gone way too long between sessions.
I feel like I'm getting my vag in training for the Olympics!lol


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[Dena]

Hello, I was prescribed Premarin .625? Cream by SRS surgeon but was directed to put it on the outside everyday.  I keep reading that it has to go inside the neo-vagina?  How do you keep it from slipping off the dilator?  I use coconut oil for dilation.  No issue with the process but I seem very dry inside.
Thank you,
Anne

When I used it, the box contained a device that you would fill to a marked line and then inert it in the vagina where you injected the cream to the point where it did the most good. The applicator was white nylon or plastic and the business end would screw directly on to the tube of cream. If it's not with the cream, ask the druggist if the applicator can be purchased separately.
The link will show you what I am talking about
http://www.premarinvaginalcream.com/how-to-apply 🔗

[OCAnne]

When I used it, the box contained a device that you would fill to a marked line and then inert it in the vagina where you injected the cream to the point where it did the most good. The applicator was white nylon or plastic and the business end would screw directly on to the tube of cream. If it's not with the cream, ask the druggist if the applicator can be purchased separately.
The link will show you what I am talking about
http://www.premarinvaginalcream.com/how-to-apply 🔗

Yes the applicator (two) was included in the box.  I was directed to rub it on the outside, not to use as intended?  So whats the real benefit from using the stuff?  The tube is kind of small, cant see getting a 30 day supply out of it.
Thank you,
Anne

[Jenna Marie]

I just watch TV... I made it a rule that I could only watch one of my favorite shows if I was dilating, so then I was more willing to do it so I could enjoy the show. 🙂 (It worked well enough that I tried that trick for exercising, too!) However, if you're having significant problems with pain and bleeding so long after GRS, it seems as though there's some underlying issue there that you might want to explore.

Tampons are super drying, even for cis women. It's probably not a major health risk, but at the same time, since you're already in pain - I've heard enough horror stories from cis friends about tampons occasionally causing pain and minor tearing to think that it can't be a good idea on top of the problems you already have.

Incidentally, I've never used Premarin (and I self-lubricate enough these days not to need any help anymore), but back when I was newly post-op and having dryness issues my doctor recommended Vagisil lube. NOT the medicated stuff, just plain lube to replace what I was dilating with; he said it's closest to natural vaginal secretions, and he was right, dilating with it made me considerably more moist and comfortable. Plus a little goes a long way; I stopped using pads *or* tampons after switching, because I didn't leak anything after dilation with the Vagisil.

[Dena]

Yes the applicator (two) was included in the box.  I was directed to rub it on the outside, not to use as intended?  So whats the real benefit from using the stuff?  The tube is kind of small, cant see getting a 30 day supply out of it.
Thank you,
Anne

I was given Premarin cream by my gynecologist and his instructions were to fill to the only mark on the tube and use before dilation. If your doctor gave you different instructions, you might want to ask him about doing it this way. This had the advantage that it puts plenty of slick stuff ahead of the dilator and made sure things didn't get dry on the way in. Some of the girls I knew liked the idea so much that when they weren't using the cream, they would put a shot of KY jelly in before dilation(we were always told to use a KY like jelly and the cheap stuff worked fine).

The benefit of the cream is it helps convert the tissue inside the vagina to vaginal tissue with the major advantage of self lubrication. My procedure was Penis inversion with no other skin involved. I don't have problems with body waste leakage but yet my older underwear has yellow stains on it from my vagina self lubricating and leaking the excess on to my underwear.

[SorchaC]

I'm not super experienced with dilation being only just 5 months post op but I have behaved and put the time in as Dr Chett said I should. There are days when I just really don't want to get up and do it but I try reminding myself how long I waited for my vagina and how hard I had to work to get it as well as the cost of it in emotional as well as financial stress. I also remind myself when I get to it that this is what I've always wanted and that it is something I can do for me. No matter what else is going on or how upset I am the hour I am dilating is mine and only mine. I have a non trans friend who is suffering depression and she was talking a few days back about having a gratitude stone. Something you keep with you that when you touch or see it reminds you to be grateful for something even if it's only that you woke up that day. Maybe your dilator could be your gratitude stone and could become a great friend. One day hopefully you'll meet a nice partner and then the work now to restretch yourself will all be worth it

As for pain? Pain is the bodies way of saying you're pushing it too much. By taking pain meds or other things to mask the pain you're stopping your body from warning you and then you risk serious issues. I think maybe you could ask a Doctor to have a luck and check everything is ok down there.

Good luck in getting everything back

Hugs

Sorcha 

[noleen111]

I normally watch TV while I dilate, takes your mind off it.

To be honest i don't dilate that much these days, as I have a boyfriend, who is quite large so he kinda takes care of that with regular sex. I also have a vibrator that I play with when the boyfriend is not around (we don't live together)

I still dilate once month with one of the larger dilators, just to be safe. I have not lost much depth since surgery

[januarysunshine]

So I've been back on the dilator. I was going to do it every day but like all exercise, I'm lazy. I do it a couple days on, couple days off. And I'm using Premarin cream .5 twice a week.
Everything is starting to get back into shape. No more pain, no bleeding, etc. I'm gaining my depth back and I'm in much less pain.
I'm going to flip the dilator over now and start using the fatter end to widen me too. I'm even doing keigels again while dilating to get my grip muscles back...I want to get back to having a fit and toned V instead of this boring old lady cave I've been neglecting lol.


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