I have considered my own suicide, including very recently in another long thread you can find here from about 2 weeks ago. Talking with friends in a group like THIS one I feel can help you a lot.
I have now figured out that MY OWN HAPPINESS AND LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE ELSE which has sometimes caused me extreme depression and suicidal feelings and now I am doing mostly things in my life that make ME happy even if many people disagree with many aspects of how I lead my life. IT IS MY LIFE NOT THEIRS.
I still have to please SOME people such as clients in my work but that's okay for me. Now I am paying even a lot less attention to what others say as a whole. When it brings me happiness I do it, and when absolutely necessary for financial reasons. But others can often give good feedback to you but avoid letting people bully you as I have had some terrible problems with bullying against me.
It sounds to me like u have some economic dependence on yr father. This is tough because he hasn't found you trans friendly therapist and it sounds like he has given up trying to help u with this. Thing is, it is likely NOT sufficient to get just any therapist this approach has failed many of my trans friends early in their transition. No way.
Instead, it likely is better for you to find a way -- and maybe with public bus transportation -- to find a trans sympathetic therapist on your own -- but then after you find that therapist you might need to request some financial help from your dad to pay for it OR get it covered with you under his insurance policy.
Likely there is a decent chance his insurance co might pay for all or part of your therapy or at least once u get officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. U would have to verify this of course.
As to feeling horrible by the way some of the people around you in real life, can you hook up with any real world in person trans support groups in your area ? ask anyone here publicly or privately and u can get some help on finding such help but then of course you would have to say at least the general area where u live. To protect yourself, I recommend not saying precisely where u live but just say the general region.
HUGZ and I hope you can get enough emotional support and able to get out on your own economically enough to escape from those people who are basically either bullying you or otherwise not supporting you emotionally.
Jennifer Lopezgomez
