unsure

[ggoah]

Hi, I'm an 18 year old born male and am unsure what I identify as. I act like a boy (I guess), not very flamboyant at all. My hobbies are pretty unisex - I like camping and hiking and music and roadtrips.

But when it comes to my body, I very much wish I was female. I don't know how to explain it. It's not quite that I feel like a "girl trapped in a boy's body", but I just... wish I was a girl. I don't know. It's not recent, either - I remember being ten years old and being unable to sleep because I wished I was a girl. I came to the conclusion that if I shaved my newly growing pubes I would wake up the next day as a girl.

It didn't work.

I cross dress and wear makeup - always alone.

But anyway, the desire comes on strongly for a few months, and then goes away and I don't think about it for a while. Not looking for answers, but if anyone could share their experience with me I'd really appreciate it.

Not sure if this is appropriate but, when I watch porn I normally see myself as the girl.

[Ms Grace]

Hi!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

You might want to talk a few things through with a therapist who understands gender identity issues. It's not uncommon for women (be they cis or trans) to be interested in camping, roadtrips, etc. Your activities and interests don't define you, how you identify does.

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Cheers

Grace

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. There was a thread up here about a week or two ago where we all admitted that our first feelings weren't a girl trapped in a male body. Instead we all agreed we wished we were a girl. I did wishing on a star, praying and wishful thinking. I know how to make a computer from parts and how to program it better than most anybody else. Car repair, wood and metal work and home repair are also skills I have. Not exactly female pass times but I am post surgical 33 years and never regretted my decision. Now you have my story and it didn't help much but there is something that will. Youtube has a series called "The transition channel". This is a very well prepared series that ask the same questions that you will deal with in therapy. I think you will come back here and be able to tell me what you are after watching the series.

Transgender and transsexualism are self diagnosed so only you can say for sure what you are. The doctors will only confirm what you already know. Keep asking questions until you know what your are. Feel free to ask me anything you want and I will do my best to provide you with an answer.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Welcome to Susan's Place. There was a thread up here about a week or two ago where we all admitted that our first feelings weren't a girl trapped in a male body. Instead we all agreed we wished we were a girl.

Here it is.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195792.0.html

[suzifrommd]

My hobbies are pretty unisex - I like camping and hiking and music and roadtrips.

Well hobbies really have nothing to do with it. It's about who you are, not what you like to do.

It's not quite that I feel like a "girl trapped in a boy's body", but I just... wish I was a girl.

That's how a lot of us feel. You'll find many, many people on this site (including myself) who experienced being transgender this way. I've been happily living as a woman for more than two years, but never felt like I was a girl, whatever that means.

Welcome to Susan's. I'm confident you'll find what you need here.

[Punzie]

Usually if you had feelings like this before and they came back, it may perhaps happen again if you don't look into it. Definitely talking things out with a therapist can help you figure yourself out more. I always knew that I wanted to be a girl at a young age, but they came at random impulses throughout my life and didn't really hit me head on until I turned 18 and was planning my life out. To truly accept who you are inside takes a lot of thinking and there will always be some doubt, but talking it out will definitely help form a path for you towards the future.

[Mariah]

Hi and welcome to Susan's. As others have said your activities don't define your identity and your trying to understand yours better is completely normal. Only you can decide how you identify. A therapist would be a good idea at this point to help you navigate you through all of this in the meantime. I always knew where I fit on the gender spectrum, but it's wonderful that your now figuring that out. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[JoanneB]

Broadly speaking, your feelings are far from unique. I went to bed most nights since around the age of 4 to 5 wishing or praying to wake up as a girl. As far as hobbies go I was the lone wolf on my block. Sports? forget about it. Whenever I could I'd rather play with the girls. About the only typical "Guy" thing I was into was machinery and electronics/electricity. Still am. At 18 your hormones are starting to peak. Around that age was when I started dreaming of what would be my first transition experiment.

The Lone Wolf aspect also applied to how I handled being trans. Back then, in the age of the dinosaurs, there were very few options, if any, available. Today is far different. I wholeheartedly agree with others, Get thee to a for real gender therapist. A good place to start if you aren't within striking distance of a major city is with a local PFLAG chapter (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays) The chapters I know of all have a great trans outreach of kids and young adults. A county or state level trans organization or LGBT may also have leads for a support group of therapist that have trans experience.

Most importantly keep in mind that being trans means nothing beyond you do not quite fit the typical cis-male or cis female ideal. In fact in my opinion questioning ones gender qualifies you as trans. THe really important question is where in the spectrum you are