Hi ladies
Firstly, many thanks for your feedback on my really long and long winded first draft of this letter. I've gone back in and chopped out about 75% of it! I'm not sure what I expect to achieve here, but sending this to gym franchise in question will at least allow me to feel I've said something and give me a chance to move on. If they start a dialogue then great, if not... dunno. Thoughts?
Dear [gym]
Last May I had my first gym experience in many years at your [local] facility. As a woman wanting to get fit and lose a few kilos and waist inches I was looking for a safe environment where I could exercise without having to navigate dealing with men or feeling self-conscious about my body or the occasional lack of coordination. Sadly I came away from the experience feeling humiliated and realising that I would not be safe or accepted there. It wasn't all bad but I knew I wouldn't be going back.
My experience started well. I signed up for a free week trial and was shown around the facilities; no problems there. The staff member who inducted me was really nice and friendly. Overall, the vibe seemed relaxed, friendly and welcoming; I felt comfortable enough to try a step class since one was about to start and I had arrived in my gym gear. It was actually my first step class ever! It was great to be there, it felt like a fun space and I had a good experience exercising with the other women. As I went to leave, the staff member who inducted me took me aside and gave me my free week membership card. Then she said "I have to ask, it's just that our policy...do you have proof of surgery?" And I knew she wasn't talking about an appendectomy.
I was really shocked. Yes, I am transgender, but there was nothing I could find on your website or in the sign up process to indicate that you had a specific policy on transgender women, or that there was any requirement for us to prove our genitals had been surgically altered. I said "I did (have proof)". She said she'd need to see it, that "some of the ladies" had asked her about me, she "thought I was lovely but that she had to ask me". Do I actually have proof or was I only saying that to save face in what was a deeply humiliating experience? All I can say is that is my business.
I was, and remain, upset and disappointed. I gather the majority of the women there that morning had no idea I was transgender but apparently one or two did and they questioned my gender with the staff member. This suggests that your facility is not trans-friendly nor a safe place for transwomen. Even with the documentation that you apparently require – if "proof of vagina" is indeed your policy – there is no way I would want to avail myself of your facilities if you permit transphobia and discrimination of this nature; the thought that people could be asking about me behind my back every time I visited, that I would be untrusted, unaccepted and possibly gossiped about would make me feel extremely unsafe and unwelcome.
So I have to question, is this really your policy? And if so, why is it not stated on the sign up forms and easily found on your website (if indeed it is even on your website)? And if it is your policy then that is very disappointing.
How far is your organisation prepared to go to prove that it is an organisation for all women - be they genetic or transgender or intersex or whatever? If a member was to complain that they were uncomfortable about a disabled woman or a woman of different ethnicity/religion or even a lesbian woman they would presumably be told "too bad, get over yourself, they have a right to use these facilities and we support them doing so - if you don't like it you can leave". So why should not the same apply for transgender women? You can work with transgender women so they can demonstrate there is no threat and no need to feel unsafe. It would need to be done in conjunction with clear unambiguous statements in your contracts, staff training, advertising material, website, gym newsletters and info sessions. Please consider changing your policy so that your facilities can be to be more inclusive and safer for all women including transgender women; or barring that, make your current policy, with the apparent "proof of vulva/vagina" requirement, more prominent on your website and sign up documentation. I would be very happy to further discuss these issues with you, including any concerns or question you may have.
