Hi ladies
Firstly, many thanks for your feedback on my really long and long winded first draft of this letter. I've gone back in and chopped out about 75% of it! I'm not sure what I expect to achieve here, but sending this to gym franchise in question will at least allow me to feel I've said something and give me a chance to move on. If they start a dialogue then great, if not... dunno. Thoughts?

---

Dear [gym]

Last May I had my first gym experience in many years at your [local] facility. As a woman wanting to get fit and lose a few kilos and waist inches I was looking for a safe environment where I could exercise without having to navigate dealing with men or feeling self-conscious about my body or the occasional lack of coordination. Sadly I came away from the experience feeling humiliated and realising that I would not be safe or accepted there. It wasn't all bad but I knew I wouldn't be going back.

My experience started well. I signed up for a free week trial and was shown around the facilities; no problems there. The staff member who inducted me was really nice and friendly. Overall, the vibe seemed relaxed, friendly and welcoming; I felt comfortable enough to try a step class since one was about to start and I had arrived in my gym gear. It was actually my first step class ever! It was great to be there, it felt like a fun space and I had a good experience exercising with the other women. As I went to leave, the staff member who inducted me took me aside and gave me my free week membership card. Then she said "I have to ask, it's just that our policy...do you have proof of surgery?" And I knew she wasn't talking about an appendectomy.

I was really shocked. Yes, I am transgender, but there was nothing I could find on your website or in the sign up process to indicate that you had a specific policy on transgender women, or that there was any requirement for us to prove our genitals had been surgically altered. I said "I did (have proof)". She said she'd need to see it, that "some of the ladies" had asked her about me, she "thought I was lovely but that she had to ask me". Do I actually have proof or was I only saying that to save face in what was a deeply humiliating experience? All I can say is that is my business.

I was, and remain, upset and disappointed. I gather the majority of the women there that morning had no idea I was transgender but apparently one or two did and they questioned my gender with the staff member. This suggests that your facility is not trans-friendly nor a safe place for transwomen. Even with the documentation that you apparently require – if "proof of vagina" is indeed your policy – there is no way I would want to avail myself of your facilities if you permit transphobia and discrimination of this nature; the thought that people could be asking about me behind my back every time I visited, that I would be untrusted, unaccepted and possibly gossiped about would make me feel extremely unsafe and unwelcome. 

So I have to question, is this really your policy? And if so, why is it not stated on the sign up forms and easily found on your website (if indeed it is even on your website)? And if it is your policy then that is very disappointing.

How far is your organisation prepared to go to prove that it is an organisation for all women - be they genetic or transgender or intersex or whatever? If a member was to complain that they were uncomfortable about a disabled woman or a woman of different ethnicity/religion or even a lesbian woman they would presumably be told "too bad, get over yourself, they have a right to use these facilities and we support them doing so - if you don't like it you can leave". So why should not the same apply for transgender women? You can work with transgender women so they can demonstrate there is no threat and no need to feel unsafe. It would need to be done in conjunction with clear unambiguous statements in your contracts, staff training, advertising material, website, gym newsletters and info sessions. Please consider changing your policy so that your facilities can be to be more inclusive and safer for all women including transgender women; or barring that, make your current policy, with the apparent "proof of vulva/vagina" requirement, more prominent on your website and sign up documentation. I would be very happy to further discuss these issues with you, including any concerns or question you may have.

I'd soften the last paragraph a bit. If you use words like "need" you'll come across as pushy. Like you're not interested in discussion, you just want to dictate their policy to them. It's a good letter though. I hope you can resolve your issues with them.

Good point. Thanks!

It's a good letter Grace, - very balanced and reasonable.

That's great Grace! I remember when you had this experience and it actually shook me a little. I was considering talking to the staff at the gym I go to to ensure they'd support me through the process (Only started HRT less than a month ago at this stage). IDK what I'm going to do when things start to get a bit obvious.

I love that you compare it to denigrating any other minority. I'd actually put that right up the front, maybe in the third paragraph because the first two are introductory.

I wouldn't even mention your proof or not of surgery, it's not relevant. This is prejudice and discrimination of the worst kind, pure and simple. You don't want to seem like you're on the back-foot here. I'd get rid of the "I did" sentence, and the last two from the third paragraph.

Might also be worth mentioning that they're on shaky legal territory, and in many places in the world this is illegal. While you don't have the desire to mount a legal challenge, they're opening themselves up for someone to do so.

I know Australia didn't have McCarthyism, but the mere thought that you could accuse someone of being trans and they accused would have to submit proof that they had a vagina, either by demonstration or papers is very troubling.
But don't worry about what small minded people say behind your back Grace, you're awesome and they're the ones missing out by not getting to know you.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: LisaHopes on September 28, 2015, 01:58:05 AM
Might also be worth mentioning that they're on shaky legal territory, and in many places in the world this is illegal. While you don't have the desire to mount a legal challenge, they're opening themselves up for someone to do so.

Thanks! Problem is they may actually have some tenuous legal grounds within Australia (or at least specific states within Australia) to stand on.

Quote from: Obfuskatie on September 28, 2015, 02:17:13 AM
But don't worry about what small minded people say behind your back Grace, you're awesome and they're the ones missing out by not getting to know you.

I hope I'm not being 'mischievous' but a thought arises. If the gym wants proof of female genitals then they need to examine or demand proof of every members' genitals.

You could ask if it is their practice to physically examine everyones genitalia, and would not that constitute sexual assault?

I'm thinking of joining a new all female gym. I'm getting a bit tired of being perved at my current place. Although I like men and their (polite) attention, having my boobs and bum continually scrutinised is getting rather tiring; so I now have a personal interest in your experience!

My previous letter covered some of that ground and quite a few other issues - I'm going to save up that stuff for if they say "get lost".

good luck , personally I rather talk to a lawyer first to see what they say about the situation. I don't know what other options there are for you as other health clubs , but I'd never give them any business unless they apologized and said that that's not how their employees should of treated you. There was a news article about a health club member having her membership taken away because she ignored the corporate policy of treating other members with respect by trying to cause conflict for a trans member. Hopefully this corporation will take a positive attitude towards you once the corporate office reads your letter. Good Luck.

Nice letter.

I'd suggest putting some information about non-op trans women: "Some women don't feel they need surgery, others can't have it for health reasons, and some cannot afford the time or money. But they are women nonetheless and have no other gender." Help them understand that our genitals don't make our identity.

The letter looks good Grace. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 28, 2015, 05:50:32 AM
Nice letter.

I'd suggest putting some information about non-op trans women: "Some women don't feel they need surgery, others can't have it for health reasons, and some cannot afford the time or money. But they are women nonetheless and have no other gender." Help them understand that our genitals don't make our identity.

Thanks Suzi, that was in the original. With this slimmed down version I figured I'd focus mostly on my experience at the hands of their policy. If they respond, or not, that is when I can start to draw on the other material. But I'll see where I can slip in the line somewhere.

Looks good. I agree that the non-op/pre-op stuff does not belong, but it's not there apparently.

If it were me, I'd tell them that they already have a couple of pre-op trans women as members that I know of, (whether that was true or not *wink*) and watch their tiny heads explode.