Can Discrimination exist within the Transgender Community?

[Sandy74]

I have really realized in the last year or so if you do not have a picture of yourself that is either dressed up or in female clothes that you are looked upon as a joke and that you perhaps are a troll. I think I am just frustrated that I am not taken serious because I have a male picture posted and that its not me in female clothes and that its still the me that was born the way I have to deal with being.

I am starting to care less and less what people even within the transgender community have to say or what they think. I am now starting to realize why we have such a high percentage of suicides is because we do nothing to embrace our own no matter what. So what if I am still living full time as a man and don't really have the chances to dress up or show my feminine side, trust me I really wish that I could.

The only thing that I seem to get to do is wear panties every single day because that is a start or at least that is a start for me. So what if I still have a beard! I am not even close to start to transition so my beard says nothing about who I am inside as a person, its just cosmetic and that is all, it doesn't define who I am just like my penis doesn't define who I am either and the feelings that I have.

Perhaps I am just venting or I am disgusted at the ways that people treat each other because they are not in the same place as others. People think I am a joke and that is fine because I feel the same way about the people that have that view of me. I came here to get a better understanding of myself and who I really am and the tips and the advice are awesome and then there are opinions of others that are just rude and mean and then I realized perhaps they just feel bad about their lives that they have to act that way towards people because they feel depressed about who they are.

I suppressed my feelings about wanting to be a woman for years and years and just recently they have resurfaced and its harder to bury them and deny who I am. It is hard to shave the beard off when I am still very much a guy and then have people say that I can't be a woman and still have a beard. I mean could I say that they will never be a woman unless they get rid of there male genitalia? No that would be mean and make no sense.

I have decided that if I am going to be bashed or picked apart because of what I have to say or my opinion then I am going to start dealing with that head on and voicing what I have to say. You should really create a venting room and if you do have one and I have not seen it please do post this there. I just am tired of all the big headed folks that think they are better than others because they are not in the same part emotionally as others.

[cheryl reeves]

Sandy I also know firsthand about discrimination, I showed up to a tri ESS meeting once with a beard and mustache, for we had car trouble and I didn't have time to shave, got a lecture and told if this happens again I would be barred from future meetings. The other form is if your not on hrt your not transgender, or worse if you still like your penis your not trans. Weird what we face in our own community.

[Dee Marshall]

Shameful! No matter how you look, how you dress, or even whether you're yet aware or certain, you are still trans, with many of the same issues and concerns as any of us. You deserve respect and support.

Trolls make themselves known very quickly. A picture is unnecessary!

[Joelene9]

  We have had the "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" and the "Young vs older transitioners" catty discussions in the past here. Nothing new.

Joelene

[sparrow]

Oh my, yes.  Just because we want to be accepted for ourselves, doesn't make us saints when it comes to respecting others.  I accidentally misgendered a friend of mine a week ago... hell, my wife's better about misgendering me than I am.  This is a serious complaint I've heard about the drag community -- I've heard several reports of queens picking on transwomen for not being femme enough.

You're doing what you can to be you.  That's the important thing.  You should only transition when and as much as fits you.  The rest of the world be damned.

I have a friend who hangs out with the snobbiest, most fashion-obsessed women I've ever met.  They're horrid.  They deemed my wife a "man" because she doesn't have giant breasts and doesn't wear ridiculous pushup bras.  I'm less surprised to hear that from dumb jocks... but it turns out that women can be awful misogynists as well.

Oppression is pervasive.  The most racist things I've heard have been from the mouths of black people, about black people.  Women promote misogyny, and some of the most hateful pro-lifers are women.  It comes as no surprise that transpeople can be transphobic.

[Jill F]

I don't care for a*holes.  Even the transgender ones.

[VeryGnawty]

  We have had the "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" and the "Young vs older transitioners" catty discussions in the past here. Nothing new.

If anything, it's old.  I think those "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" threads were even more common in the old days.  I remember seeing a lot of them.

[Paige]

I don't care for a*holes.  Even the transgender ones.

Yes the world is full of narcissists and sociopaths, why should we be any different.

Take care,
Paige

[Jill F]

Yes the world is full of narcissists and sociopaths, why should we be any different.

Take care,
Paige

Don't forget the douchenozzles, the ->-bleeped-<-s and the twatwaffles.

[Sandy74]

At first I thought that I was being out of line and people would take me as being rude or something but can tell that its quite normal for people to act this way within the trans community. I honestly myself don't feel like I am better or worse than anyone. I am just struggling just like everyone else is and I am just not going to let people treat me the way that they feel they can get away treating me any longer. We are all struggling with the same issues and none of us are better than each other, we are trying to live life in a world that really don't want to accepts us.

[FTMax]

It's interesting, this was something I noticed in the gay community prior to coming out as trans. It seemed like the closer we got to acceptance in mainstream society, there were increases in drama and BS within the community - most often directed at people that others felt were giving the community a bad name/poor image. People want so badly to fit in, conform, and be seen as normal that they judge, alienate, and cast out anyone that doesn't fit the mold they've come up with for what we should be.

There is a quote from my favorite book that sums up what I think about it: "When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves." I am sorry you are having this experience, and I hope it doesn't dissuade you from continuing to participate and contribute in the community.

[suzifrommd]

Sandy, thank you for posting this. It's an ugly underbelly of the trans community that doesn't get aired a lot.

You are (obviously) as much a woman as any other and your presentation has no bearing on that. Unfortunately, to a lot of people, seeing is believing, even some trans folks. I agree with others who see this as shameful.

You should really create a venting room and if you do have one and I have not seen it please do post this there.

We do have a venting room. The name of the board is ARGHHH! and it's off the General Discussions area: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,34.0.html

[Serenation]

You have to remember a lot of people are gong through hard things, lot of people have depression or are suicidal. Some people have mental issues as well as being trans. Most people that post are at a specific stage in transition.

Some people will judge on the type of hormones you take, some for who did your surgeries. You will be judged on whether you look better or worse than someone.

Overall though I think it's a good community and people hearts are in the right places and their are some incredibly helpful and caring people here, and a wide variety of people to see different views from.

I'll never post a real pic as avatar but I do find yours refreshing.

[Paige]

Overall though I think it's a good community and people hearts are in the right places and their are some incredibly helpful and caring people here, and a wide variety of people to see different views from.

Yes overall I believe most here are very kind and thoughtful.  I've had the odd comment that I thought was a little mean spirited but usually those people aren't around long.  I often wonder if some of them are just trolls.

Paige

[AnonyMs]

Sandy, unfortunately I have to agree with you. It just goes to show that we're all human.

There's some people here though that really make a stand for tolerance. I'm sure there's many more, but suzifrommd, Cindy, and Susan all immediately spring to mind.

As for those people in the world who discriminate, well I do too, and I have no time for them.

[Laurette Mohr]

 Sadly for some it's self imposed. You know when your mind tells your spirit that it's wrong.

[Isabelle]

I am starting to care less and less what people even within the transgender community have to say or what they think

This is healthy. Keep following this and you'll be fine.
I don't judge people based on weather they're closeted, out and proud, post-op, non-op, stealth, whatever. I judge people based on their ability to think critically and rationally. That is all that matters.

[AnonyMs]

I don't judge people based on weather they're closeted, out and proud, post-op, non-op, stealth, whatever. I judge people based on their ability to think critically and rationally. That is all that matters.

Hi Isabelle, if you're saying what I think you are I don't really agree with you. I tend to do this myself, and I view it as a character flaw I'm working on. Its easy to think this way as I'm particularly good at it, and I like that, but if people don't its necessarily a negative thing (frustrating sometimes though). What I find negative is people who want to harm or control others. I admire people who help others, and sometimes I wish I was more like that. I can't see it happening though. I'll settle for not harming others.

Its an interesting point. I do discriminate, but my discrimination's good.

[Isabelle]

I don't know what you think I'm saying, and I don't mind if you don't agree

[AnonyMs]

I don't know what you think I'm saying, and I don't mind if you don't agree

I think we're in agreement then.