Is it possible to pass 100% of the time?

[Cindy]

I find there's often too much focus on passing as a woman and not enough on living as a woman. Yes there are some overlaps but they are not the same thing. I live as a woman 100% of the time.

I am always in aware of your ability to say what was in me somewhere.

I so agree.

I'm female, I have female relationships in the shop, groceries, petrol station. I feel bit lost sometimes.

I'm nothing special, yet I am ..... just a woman.

[Cindy]

Why is there some urgency to assimilate?

OK I'm cranky tonight, why is it important to feel like anyone or anything?

Why not feel like you?

Why is so special about gender?

OK take out social acceptance.

Why is gender important to you?

[Jennygirl]

100% not worrying about passing is a bigger milestone than passing itself.

To answer the question:
Yes, absolutely

[Nattiedoll]

I wanted to add that although for me personally, one of my goals is to be passable just because that's the person I am. However, as far as clocking goes the most important thing is to be ok with being clocked. Why? Well being ok with being clocked shows that you are secure with your womanhood. Don't take clocking seriously because you can be the most beautiful transgender woman and someone who is miserable will try and find a way to clock you regardless just to be a jerk. My brothers friend is transphobic and says he can always tell (men feel powerless being tricked) and I would test him and show him pictures of cis woman and he's pointing things out on how he can tell. Then I showed him some transgender woman and said "you can tell they are cis?" He said yes. He had no idea what I was doing and shows that he's just ignorant. If someone is clocking you be proud that you are still yourself and feel bad for them having their own issues and feeling the need to bring others down.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

true there is possibly too much focus on passing but passing means relative safety, arguably easier relationships and generally an easier life, not to mention the potential for reduced dysphoria based on those aspects mentioned above and also seeing your features staring back at you in the mirror, so I do get it.

The last time I tried to come out, I was told I was making it up. Obviously I can't say 100% for sure, but everything I have to provide me feedback from the world says that I pass 100% of the time. It's possible. I transitioned in my 30s.

[Nattiedoll]

Hi Kira,

I 100% agree, I do think that passing is very important for me personally I need to for my disphoria to die down and to be more safe when I go out in public. What I was trying to explain is how to deal with the backlash of being clocked. I want people to know that they shouldn't take all the clocking took seriously because people only try to clock you to be mean.

[iKate]

100% not worrying about passing is a bigger milestone than passing itself.

To answer the question:
Yes, absolutely

I will second this.

I do not worry about passing. It just happens.

You do not have to even worry about your everyday life because you just go about it and people gender you female on first encounter and unquestionably. This is where I am at and where Jenny is at.

[lisarenee]

Why do I feel the need to pass?

1) Safety -- While ciswomen are always at risk of being attacked by a rapist, robber, etc...being obviously trans* adds the risk of being attacked by transphobes also.

2) Acceptance -- Sadly, if you don't pass most folks will not accept you as the gender you identify as. I would get "Sir" early on even when I was clearly presenting female (dress, makeup, etc...) When I am accepted as a woman, I don't get told I'm not allowed to use the correct bathroom because I make some transphobe who wasn't even in the bathroom "uncomfortable."

3) Dysphoria -- To add to #2, when I am not accepted it makes my dysphoria worse. Being called "Sir" or referred to as "Him" is like a knife in the heart. Hearing "Miss" or "Ma'am" or being referred to as "She" makes me feel so much better. Even more so when someone compliments my appearance - "I love your outfit. You look beautiful."

[Karen5519]

Being able to pass completely includes a combination of items.  First you have to have the visual down pat.  Dress the same as any other woman your age and dress for the occasion or environment you are in....work or casual.  That is so critical from the start.  If you have worked hard and mastered your makeup application, voice and feminine mannerisms you will do much better early on.  The second item is a bit more difficult and that is controlling stress and fear.  Everyone has that at the start.  The stress about possibly being clocked and fear of what will come of that and how you would handle it.  It takes time but the more you are out and about and spending time with and around other women you will begin to build confidence and the fear and stress will fade.  At some point the way you speak, your mannerisms and the way you think will all become feminine......it will become natural because you are living life totally as a woman.  You will have reached a comfort zone internally and with no stress or fear the real you will come out in full bloom.  Humans are very adaptable.  What is amazing is some day you will find that you no longer have the ability to act like a male......even if you try.  Once you get to that point mentally and physically then passing all the time is not in the least bit difficult.  What really makes it difficult for women like us is that we never had female puberty....and never had those experiences that are so important in the teens.  We are forced to learn those vital foundations of womanhood under a great deal of stress and fear.  But you can do it....and it is worth the hard work and effort!