HI All,
I thought I would post an update to my situation which in turn may encourage other Significant others to possibly live in the moment.
This is purely based on my journey and in no way is a way to suggest others on what to do. Allot of lovely people have in the last 10 months read my post and helped me in so many ways.
Allot has happened, my ex partner, who I love and adore still to this day, came out to me in November last year. We both behaved badly in some way when the outing took place, there was allot of lies and hurt from both of us. We sold our house, separated our lives and lost our joint dreams together. Since then we have both purchased another house and in some way we have both had healing time as well. One thing has become more and more obvious to me as time has gone one, I love my special someone regardless of gender and that wont change. WE are still best friends, do I wish it was more, I do...I do not have the heart to let her know this, as I feel I would be interfering on her own discovery and exploring time of herself, which I know I wouldn't be, as I too have learnt the art of personal space, even while together. I think about letting her know often but I guess I'm scared I will lost her all together as well. I do still hope someday our dreams will come back together, even if she ends up a fulltime woman...as that would be okay with me!
I thought that in time my feelings would become less but they haven't! I to have had plenty of time to explore my own feelings and inside emotions and I can say I am a new person, still the same person, but the TG stuff has changed my life as well for the better. I have had to explore parts of my emotions and soul that I may not have had to do otherwise. I had to challenge myself to look at my feelings for someone, and for myself, ultimately I took a good look at how I view the world and ultimately how I manage my responses to things around me. I didn't like everything I saw in myself and have taken active steps to better myself as a person and ultimately for the first time in my life I feel content in myself as a person.
The real message is, this entire journey I feel has shaped my life and ultimately provided me the challenge I needed to look at myself as well. Who would of thought this, back in November!
My ex partner has had plenty of counselling and therapy and has since come to the conclusion she is gender fluid. The news was hard for me at the time, as the reason we first separated in my eyes, was because I was scared that he would change into a her and what would people think of me! All of those fears diminished over the last 9 months and I realized she could turn into an alien and it wouldn't matter to me, I loved her as a person. If she needs to go further down the track in the future, I would now fully support her without all the fear I had in the beginning. The entire journey I think has made us understand each other much better and realise when we were together, we were not operating as the best people we could be, and how could we ever have been the best we could be, when the TG stuff was not out in the open. I now have fun, buying her outfits and feeling she is authentic with me. I used to worry so much in life about everything, and now I have realized, there is no point worrying, enjoy everyday and live it as most things I worry about never actually take place.
I feel like a different person and I turly believe this journey I have been on the last 10 months has been the contributing factor too that feeling.
Thanks to all who have supported me. If you're a SO currently going through a hard time, remember to look after yourself first, keep calm and make decisions in a rational state.
Thanks to this website to opening up my mind, heart and soul!
Marie
