requesting an intersex baby

[saraswatidevi]

My daughter and her husband adopted a beautiful boy from Korea a year ago. They just went back to the same agency to apply for another child. When the case worker got to the point if asking if they wanted a boy or a girl. They just said 'Yes. In fact they would accept a baby with indeterminate genitalia.' I'm so proud. They would be wonderful parents for such a child. They already understand about no surgery that is not absolutely medically necessary. And, of course, they could come here for all the advice they could use.

[Rachael]

pardon? well, once the child decides how they feel, THEN surgery IS needed for thier wellbeing. But only once the child understands the situation.
R

[Lisbeth]

pardon? well, once the child decides how they feel, THEN surgery IS needed for thier wellbeing. But only once the child understands the situation.
R

Um... No.  The child may be perfectly happy not fitting into the binary categories.  Why would surgery be needed than?

[Rachael]

social pressure, simly existing in society, and it is shown in a lot of IS studdies most either id with raised gender, or chromoasonal, there are relatively few non binary identified is people.
most children want to be normal, want to fit in, in a world of men and women, being neither opens you to abuse, and children dont really want to make a statement...
TRUST ME, ive been there.
R

[Lisbeth]

Hmmmm... I'm not convinced and probably won't be at this point.  What is right for the majority is not necessarily right for all.

[RebeccaFog]

I think it's a wonderful idea.  I wish I were in a position to do that.

[Rachael]

exactly, let the child decide, i had my life ruined because the doctors and my parents knew what was best for me, but my no mean, raise the child out of the binary, and treat them like a genderless person. GIVE  THEM THE CHOICE. Raising them as non binary can be as tormenting and GID causing as being raised the wrong binary...
R

[saraswatidevi]

once the child decides how they feel, THEN surgery IS needed for thier wellbeing

No. I can't agree with that. It might be necessary once the child can decide but that would be up to the IS person. There are many IS people who wish they still had the genitalia they were born with instead of some bungled job decided on by doctors and ill informed parents when the IS was a baby. I have seen posts by a few of them in this forum.

[Rachael]

thats what i meant, if the child wants it, they should get it, either way, most i know prefer to be atleast one sex visually for social reasons, ambiguity isnt cool, especially as some genetal ambiguity at birth can be harmfull and NEED correcting, like some urethra problems.
I had my crotch mutilated at birth, BELIVE ME, i feel really strongly about this.
R

[natureday]

Babies coming in like that already had chosen to have their bodies a certain way- so they can learn and grow.
I think it is a VERY beautiful thing to have parents that just understand and let that child "BE".
How wonderful!
Hugs to the parents, and that baby!!
Anna:)

[Rachael]

babies choose? WHAT? its not a choice, i wasnt in the womb and thought, hmm, i cant decide... ill be both!
100% fail @ reasoning.
R

[martjan]

hi whate are the conditions of the childs genitals then how it lloks like

[Northern Jane]

there are relatively few non binary identified is people.

That's strange. About 75% or more of the IS people I have known online over the past 3 or 4 years revel in being non-binary.

Personally I AM binary but that is just because 'that's who I am' and I like it there (though in all honesty, there are a couple of things that don't fit the binary box) but I am WAY in the minority in the IS world.

[ZoeB]

Personally I AM binary but that is just because 'that's who I am' and I like it there (though in all honesty, there are a couple of things that don't fit the binary box) but I am WAY in the minority in the IS world.

I'm not sure that's true. In the "Intersex Support" Fora, yes. But go to the individual conditions' support fora, and you'll find most are binary, and some even deny their condition is "Intersex" at all. They associate that with what the HBS people would call "radical ->-bleeped-<-".

It makes pursuing the strictly medical issues tricky. Some people are very touchy about it.

You have a minority of people fed up of being stuffed into someone else's idea of what they should be. They resent being forced to be M or F when they feel like neither (or sometimes a bit of both). These tend to be militantly IS. Goodness knows they have a right to feel aggrieved.

You also have people with deep insecurities (and who can blame them) who just want to be Normal Men or Normal Women, despite the minor anatomical anomalies. These tend to want nothing to do with IS activism, or IS at all. They have CAH, or AIS, or 47xxy, not "Intersex", they want nothing to do with the term. They are militantly binary.

I've yet to find out what happens with people with 5ARD and 17BHDD who get a natural transition. I think most woodwork, as do others who transition with assistance.

Take care,
from a very binary Zoe

[greeneyedgirl]

Me, well I'm really just who I am, which happens to be way female.  It's just who I've always been.  Medically, yeah, I'm IS, but I don't try to avoid it, or get involved with the whole militant thing in any direction.  I'm not a term, a label, a condition, or my past.  I'm a person with a heart and soul that needs, wants, and loves like anyone.  I also happen to be female.  That and 3 bucks will get me on the subway.

I agree we need to disabuse society of the gender binary, not for the reasons any given militant's do, and goodness knows there are plenty of them.  I believe the binary needs to be abolished because it's inherently discriminatory by nature.  US and THEM.  How about WE!

When, if, I'm at the point in my life of adopting, I want a child.  Male, Female, IS, TS, Andro, whatever.  I don't like the idea of forcing labels on folks, be it a piece a paper, or surgical mutilation before the age of understanding and consent.  I was three when I suspected there was a problem, five when I became certain.  Took me over thirty years to embrace myself, accept myself, fix what needed fixin and move on.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I don't care what "box" on a form a person fits in, because we are all way to curvy to be stuffed in boxes.  I would, and do, freely and honestly give love and support to children, providing them with information to allow them to grow into wonderful, blessed, loving people regardless of boxes.  Pretty much what I always wanted.

Yeah, I took steps to resolve my issues and get treatment for my medical issues.  "Transition" for me was something I did so that I could spread my wings and finally be free.  In that regard it was an amazingly successful journey.

Sam

[Rachael]

there are relatively few non binary identified is people.

That's strange. About 75% or more of the IS people I have known online over the past 3 or 4 years revel in being non-binary.

Personally I AM binary but that is just because 'that's who I am' and I like it there (though in all honesty, there are a couple of things that don't fit the binary box) but I am WAY in the minority in the IS world.

where do you meet the 'majority' of IS people you know online? TS sites? gender activism sites?

most IS and TS people are not on the internet,  so that figure is quite skewed. MOST want to get on with our lives. Its not fun, or something to be radical about. And i might point out it causes its own problems. 'where do i belong?' 'can i ever fit in?' because a few shout 'i like being different' loudly, does not mean they speak for the whole.

[greeneyedgirl]

where do you meet the 'majority' of IS people you know online? TS sites? gender activism sites?

most IS and TS people are not on the internet,  so that figure is quite skewed. MOST want to get on with our lives. Its not fun, or something to be radical about. And i might point out it causes its own problems. 'where do i belong?' 'can i ever fit in?' because a few shout 'i like being different' loudly, does not mean they speak for the whole.

I'd have to agree with that view too.  I don't spend much time really on sites that have to do with IS and TS people because I usually get yelled at for NOT being a radical.  I also get yelled at for suggesting that moderation, communications and education are far more important than making a spectacle of youself and screaming your head off like some kind of idiot.  Nothing gets people yelling at me more than saying I've done this so I can leave problems behind me, and actually fit in a bit better.  I've listened to angry, hate filled people rave like lunatics about how people who just deal with things and get on life are hurting all the people who are trying to make positive change and I wonder, how I could possibly be hurting anyone by living life?

Activists, radical one's at least scare me, because they just don't seem to get it, yet these are the people that government types see when they look at our particular issues.  No small wonder ENDA died a horrible death, hacked to bits...

It's sad, and scary.  I know these people do not speak for me, so it makes me wonder... 

Thanks!

Sam 

[Ephilei]

My daughter and her husband adopted a beautiful boy from Korea a year ago. They just went back to the same agency to apply for another child. When the case worker got to the point if asking if they wanted a boy or a girl. They just said 'Yes. In fact they would accept a baby with indeterminate genitalia.' I'm so proud. They would be wonderful parents for such a child. They already understand about no surgery that is not absolutely medically necessary. And, of course, they could come here for all the advice they could use.

So . . . did it work out?

[SomeMTF]

Treatment for intersexed conditions should be treated as any other organic disease. Untreated intersexed persons may become very unhappy.

[Rachael]

It is....

Its treated as well as possible at birth now, and later, if things apear wrong, there is often medical assistance to change that. I for example, got HRT on the NHS before ive even been to a gic therapist becaues of my condition. Its seen as repartive to a mistake made... honest mistake or not, they fully accept that it was one.

Give doctors a little credit...