"Gendering" issues

[jbb-ftm]

So, my psychiatrist is super supportive of my transitioning, but sometimes our sessions get kind of awkward...

Sunday night at work I had a severe dysphoric episode while using the men's restroom - I used it because someone was in the women's, and because, well, why not? It looks exactly like the women's room, just a mirror image, and I've used it before, but this was the first time since I've been binding and packing. Anyway, saw my psychiatrist on Monday, and told him about the incident. He asked me what I thought it was about, and I said I didn't really know. He said, "Woman.... uh... sorry... I think it's about the dysphoria, of course."

A few minutes later, I was telling him that a home health nurse who had done my wound care after a surgery a few weeks ago (non trans related surgery - had a spider bite that ended up needing surgery), who had asked me if I was gay, and I said yes.... He interrupted me and said, "So, you like men now?" I was like, "Huh? No." He said, "Well, you told her you were gay, so does that mean you like men?" I was like, "Dude! You don't get to call me 'woman' one minute, then get onto me for still identifying myself as a lesbian to a stranger who was about to hurt me cramming packing strip into a hole in my neck with a stick!" 

I didn't say that to HIM, but said it to my gender therapist yesterday (she knows him well, they are in the same office). She said, "Yeah, I know he means well, but he doesn't get to identify you, YOU get to identify YOU." She said I've made a TON of changes in a really short amount of time after having buried this issue for many, many years. I've come out to some Facebook friends, changed my FB gender to trans, started binding and packing, even at work.  Plus, I've just gone back to work after healing from the neck surgery and having been off for 5 weeks, so there's the stress of that. And going back having started packing and binding... catching a few people whispering and looking at me, then looking away real quick when they saw that I saw them.

I don't know, you guys... just some middle of the night rambling, I guess. It's like burying the feelings all of these years has made them that much stronger now that I've let them come up. I'm frustrated. I'm restless. I'm impatient. I hate this body. I want it to be different.

[suzifrommd]

Hugs, JBB. I'm no stranger to middle-of-the-night rambling.

I agree that what your psychiatrist said was bothersome. He obviously doesn't understand that the whole man-in-a-woman's body is a major simplification. There are lots and lots and lots of ways that transgender people can identify and no way he should be putting you in a box and telling you what it should be like for you.

If you find it comfortable to tell strangers you are a lesbian, then that works for you and no one should be judging for it.

[warmbody28]

that is weird. but i will say. my home care patients I treat nicely with a gentile touch no matter what. and so do 90% of my other nurses/ Nurse Practitioners and Physician assistants. the other 20% would not have gentile hands because they are older, but they make up for it in compassion and talking to you, making you smile. sorry your doc is giving you whiplash with the pronouns.

[Peep]

If he's not your gender therapist how's it any of his business how you identify? It sounds like you're on the right track with everything else tho, good luck with your workmates!

[jbb-ftm]

If he's not your gender therapist how's it any of his business how you identify? It sounds like you're on the right track with everything else tho, good luck with your workmates!

Yeah, sometimes it feels like he's pushing me in ways I'm not ready for yet. I mean, I know he cares, and he wants me to feel better, but some things he just doesn't get. My gender therapist is totally great, though. Always making sure I'm aware of options, but tells me that every trans person's path is unique. I feel no pressure from her, and when I tell her that I feel pressured by my psychiatrist, she always asks again if I ever feel pressure from her. She asked me at the beginning what name and pronouns I prefer her to use, and occasionally reminds me that when or if I want her to start using my male name or male pronouns, just let her know.

I try to keep the sessions with my psychiatrist about my mood/depression symptoms, and away from gender issues, but it was with him that the subject first came up (after I'd spent years burying it), and it was like a big aha for him about why I've been nearly constantly depressed since puberty, and why meds have failed miserably for me for the most part. He said something like, "I like to see people get better. Say I have an OCD patient who gets better after 6 months, or a depressed patient who gets better after a year. That's cool. But can you imagine how thrilled I'd be to see someone who's struggled for 44 years finally get better? Finally get to be who they were meant to be?" So, I mean, he's on my side... he just doesn't always get it.

[jbb-ftm]

that is weird. but i will say. my home care patients I treat nicely with a gentile touch no matter what. and so do 90% of my other nurses/ Nurse Practitioners and Physician assistants. the other 20% would not have gentile hands because they are older, but they make up for it in compassion and talking to you, making you smile. sorry your doc is giving you whiplash with the pronouns.

I'm a nurse, myself. Most of the home health nurses were great, but I had a couple of odd experiences. The one who went on the anti-trans rant (and the day before went on an anti-psych patient rant - and I've had a few psych hospitalizations). And the one who said my dog was cute enough for someone to steal, and I said yeah, but they'd bring her back, she likes to tear up the trash... and the nurse said, "Oh, well if I see her on the street, I'll run over her for you." I was too dumbfounded to even respond!

As far as them hurting me, they were all as gentle as possible with the wound care, but when you have have to pack a decent sized wound through a smaller opening with iodoform, getting the right amount of packing in there is just gonna hurt. So glad I don't have to do much wound care on night shift!

[jbb-ftm]

There are lots and lots and lots of ways that transgender people can identify and no way he should be putting you in a box and telling you what it should be like for you.

If you find it comfortable to tell strangers you are a lesbian, then that works for you and no one should be judging for it.

Yeah, my gender therapist rolled her eyes so hard when I told her what he said. But overall, he's a really good guy. Second best psychiatrist I've ever had. By FAR the best in this city. So I'll just have to work on educating him a little bit.