Your brain on (your old) hormone system

[Elis]

I don't know if this'll help but when I had shark week I had a lot of depression; which I attribute to the extra estrogen in my system. I also felt more feminine but didn't feel quite female and still innately male. Even before I was trans I never felt right when shark week made an appearance. Now that I'm on T even though I still have depression, it's not as bad and I feel sort of calmer within myself. Not sure If it's the placebo effect, me finally being on what I believe to be the right hormones for my brain or just because I no longer have that time of the month.

[FTMDiaries]

For me, the problem wasn't so much oestrogen (although that did make me very uncomfortable)... it was progesterone.

Oestrogen made me anxious, insecure and less assertive, but progesterone made me feel absolutely inhuman. It would cause me to burst into tears without provocation. I would sink into depression and was prone to sudden flashes of anger - all because of severe PMS that was totally out of my control. That week before Shark Week was utter hell for me; in fact, I actually welcomed Shark Week because it meant I could start feeling a bit more normal again.

Since being on testosterone this has almost completely evaporated. I am no longer prone to those awful monthly mood swings and my mood is pretty much stable all the time unless someone does something to seriously upset me. I find it easier to brush things off and am far less prone to depression. And best of all, those flashes of anger have gone.

This flies in the face of what my Gender Therapist said: she wheeled out that tired old trope that 'testosterone makes you aggressive'. She used to warn all of her patients that they might find themselves prone to getting enraged and violent on T ('roid rage'), until several of her FtM patients - including myself - told her that the opposite is usually true. Most of us find that we're much calmer on T than we ever were before. If you have a male brain, T should make you feel better. If you have a female brain, E should make you feel better. It's all about putting the right kind of fuel in the tank.

I can certainly still multi-task and I can cry when I need to. The difference is that I don't have to cry if I don't want to, and that's such a blessing after all those years of not being able to stop myself because of those awful hormones.

[November Fox]

I would sink into depression and was prone to sudden flashes of anger - all because of severe PMS that was totally out of my control. That week before Shark Week was utter hell for me; in fact, I actually welcomed Shark Week because it meant I could start feeling a bit more normal again.

I have the same. And my mother actually had the same too, but at first I thought it was because of her messed up behavior that I was so angry, emotional and messed up myself. Only lately did I start to think that it was possibly hormones.

Could be progesterone, too - I haven´t actually had my hormones checked. I just know that they are out of whack because I have the same symptoms as you had during PMS, plus acné, beard growth, fatigue and a bunch of other things that seem out of the ordinary.

I´m glad to hear you say that T helped you out. I´m not sure how to deal with it at this point, because I´ll have to wait another year before I can get on T.

This flies in the face of what my Gender Therapist said: she wheeled out that tired old trope that 'testosterone makes you aggressive'. She used to warn all of her patients that they might find themselves prone to getting enraged and violent on T ('roid rage'), until several of her FtM patients - including myself - told her that the opposite is usually true. Most of us find that we're much calmer on T than we ever were before. If you have a male brain, T should make you feel better. If you have a female brain, E should make you feel better. It's all about putting the right kind of fuel in the tank.

The assumption that male hormones lead to rage is completely antiquated. In my family, my mother was the agressor, the dominant one. I have good reason to conclude that she also had an hormonal imbalance and progesterone problem.

I´m pretty sure I have a male brain - after all, when I am not on the hormonal rollercoaster, I feel male. And that´s (thankfully...) 85% of the time.

[Kylo]

It would be awesome if T actually stabilized my moods. I'm wary of potential aggression but if it does make a person feel more whole again to put the right fuel in the tank it could make all the difference I need right now.

Interesting point about mothers. In fact all the men in my family are really pretty calm people. They must be to put up with some of the women they have to. My mother was a violent raging wino, and my uncle's step-daughter was actually convicted of manslaughter. Her mother was a husband-batterer, too. Jeez.

I guess I'm not quite like the rest of the men in my family. I wouldn't be sharing space with these people for 5 seconds, much less calmly enduring it.

[in.Chains]

I argued with myself back and forth every couple days before taking the final plunge and coming out to everyone. The reality was not that I truly doubted myself and my feelings, it was that I feared the potential outcome being negative. I have now been out for nearly 1.5 years, on hormones for 11 months, and I have never once looked back on my decision; I made the best choice for me, and all doubt has disappeared! If you ever need someone to talk to about it, or anything else, feel free to message me alright?

[Kanzaki]

I´ve never been on anti-androgens. I do have a suspicion that they could actually make me feel better, because my estrogen levels are too low, which leads to PMS, lack of energy, moodswings, the package.

Just a little (late) side note from someone random butting in here. I can't speak for everyone, but the one time I took that kind of birth control, it made me feel absolutely horrible. Ended up staying at home for a couple days because all I could do was cry. After 6 days of being on it, I finally gave up and stopped taking it. Chances are it could do the same to you as well.

[jessica32]

I am pre hrt mtf the more I read the more I feel hrt us the right option also boys tend to be aggressive and roid rage on steroids growing up male is about understanding anger and learning to act calm cool collected so adult trans men would have a much more man's mind than pubescent guys

[November Fox]

I´m approaching this issue differently now. Before, when I wrote the topic, I still identified with the feelings that the hormones were inducing.

I feel male constantly now so it´s easier for me to detach myself from that sentiment especially when I´m aware they´re being caused by the "old" hormones. Katie´s post helped me a lot;

Don't let the possibility of a different variety of choices paralyze you and keep you from doing what's necessary.

growing up male is about understanding anger and learning to act calm cool collected so adult trans men would have a much more man's mind than pubescent guys

I had a lot of rage issues growing up and still do. Seeing as I have noticeably more androgens than females usually do - and was raised in a violent household - it kind of makes sense. I agree with what you said about having to learn to deal with the rage - you can still use it as a drive, but can be completely destructive when uncontrolled.

[Obfuskatie]

I´m approaching this issue differently now. Before, when I wrote the topic, I still identified with the feelings that the hormones were inducing.

I feel male constantly now so it´s easier for me to detach myself from that sentiment especially when I´m aware they´re being caused by the "old" hormones. Katie´s post helped me a lot;

I had a lot of rage issues growing up and still do. Seeing as I have noticeably more androgens than females usually do - and was raised in a violent household - it kind of makes sense. I agree with what you said about having to learn to deal with the rage - you can still use it as a drive, but can be completely destructive when uncontrolled.

I'm glad I could help!
Whether we like it or not, we're shaped by our experiences. Having a violent home life will give you a natural inclination to return to what feels normal, i.e. chaos, and/or places you can use the conflict resolution techniques you learned to survive. The trick is to figure out when you're reacting and when you're acting. As a victim of abuse, I tend to leave the room when I get triggered, and after some time, maybe a day, I can talk to my partner about why I was evasive and curt. I tell him why I think I was triggered, that I love him and how he can avoid doing something that I might misunderstand or be triggered by.
My favorite way to deal with anger is as it happens, to an inanimate object, like a throw pillow. When my mom was divorcing my father, she occasionally took us to a nearby creek to throw eggs at some rocks after yelling out our frustrations with each throw.  Point being, we all need an outlet. Anger can be powerful motivation, but it is destructive especially if you unintentionally lash out because of it. I'm mostly motivated by my determination to not repeat mistakes made or witnessed by myself.
Lastly, there's not really anything you can blame your feelings on. They are a summation of reaction to stimuli, and are due to who you are as a person. You are influenced by your past, friends, hormones, etc.. Hormones are a part of what makes you you, but not the most important part.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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