battling with accepting the girl in the mirror

[Amoré]

Are you hurting them, or are you hurting you?

Whose pain is important? Who is it important too?

My wife felt that I hurt her too much by choosing to be trans and wanted to be a woman. Now she does not want to give me anymore chances. She says I am only going to hurt them more with my depression and gd. She does not accept it she does not accept being in a relationship with a trans person. She have known me 10 years now I don't feel good enough.

I am basically living for them and at this stage I am hurting for them because they haven't lost me they just don't want to be with me. She looks if she feels nothing for me she is cold.

I am not good with thinking and living for myself. I caused her a lot of pain because she knows about my suicide attempts. She saw my breakdowns and what I went through with gd.

I am just battling to get over the guilt because I know a lot of it is my own fault. I can't blame anybody else but myself really for losing them.

[Obfuskatie]

Give yourself a bit of slack, most trans people try to make do with what we're given and build the lives we can without accepting ourselves because of the rampant transphobia in the world.

Here's a few things that I think you should consider:
If you can't love and accept yourself, people may follow your example. The easy way to shift this is to take care of and respect yourself, and be with the people who follow your lead and respect you as well.
Your wife was most likely attracted to your femininity, because it was wrapped in a masculine package. Whether or not she's a little gay, there are women that seek feminine men. Being yourself isn't selfish, she picked you, and being trans isn't a choice.
Equality is an issue, and it's going to be up to you to make sure to assert yourself in the face of ignorance.
Being trans isn't easy, but it doesn't mean you can't be happy either.
There are 3.5 billion women in the world, you will be able to find love again.
Divorces suck, but it will free you from a relationship that is drowning you with disapproval. Do everything you can to ensure you financial well being, and make sure to protect your rights to be a part of your child's life.
Love doesn't always work out, but you will survive.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Amoré]

Your wife was most likely attracted to your femininity, because it was wrapped in a masculine package. Whether or not she's a little gay, there are women that seek feminine men. Being yourself isn't selfish, she picked you, and being trans isn't a choice.

This is the funny thing she normally was attracted to to my female attributes that I was sensitive not scared to show emotions I did not do what other men did. I spended all my time on my family.

Transgender is not a choice by all means I wish it was like my therapist said they can't make it go away because it is not a psychological problem else they would have a solution.

My wife was harsh and sayd I did not want to stay a man for her but I was not on the right meds and only got diagnosed with clinical depression a couple of months later. I am on better meds now and feel that I wil be able to cope better with the stresses that dysphoria brings.

[Amoré]

Hey guys I don't know what to do anymore my head is buzzing I did not drink. But with everything! I miss my girls I don't know how I am going to make it another weekend without them.My head is planning my suicide every second of the day and just thinking end it, end it end all, the pain is going to end fast. She is telling me I'm not the man that she married but she is killing him of. A part of me just wants to go back to being that man being with my family and be happy.

I can't move on and I can't be with her. She does not want me. I just want to kill of al the pain and do it as quickly as possible. I don't know what to do. You guys gave me great advice but I am so damn depressed I can't see a future

[Rp1713]

There is most certainly a future. It hurts so bad right now, but there will be better days. It truly sucks that your wife is acting this way, and has put this much pressure on you... But how can she expect you to be something if you are not? It's not fair for her to say you're not the man she married. Maybe she didn't marry a man. She just married you. You are you, whether male or female. It is out of your control if she can't accept you for who you are. I know the pain is the only thing that feels real, but know that we're all here to help you through this. Have faith in yourself, and that things will be okay! She's not making it easy for you, but you're not making it any easier by being so hard on yourself. Someday you will look back on the dark days and be surprised that you ever felt that way. It's not easy now, but you will be comfortable with who you are.


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[barbie]

It is a so much sad story. Amore is a beautiful name.

One way to forget the pain is to start a new work or activity by which you can be indulged in. In my case, I did some computer programming, which made me completely forget gender issues for a while. You may set  your new goal in your life.

Take care,

barbie~~

[Cindy]

Hey guys I don't know what to do anymore my head is buzzing I did not drink. But with everything! I miss my girls I don't know how I am going to make it another weekend without them.My head is planning my suicide every second of the day and just thinking end it, end it end all, the pain is going to end fast. She is telling me I'm not the man that she married but she is killing him of. A part of me just wants to go back to being that man being with my family and be happy.

I can't move on and I can't be with her. She does not want me. I just want to kill of al the pain and do it as quickly as possible. I don't know what to do. You guys gave me great advice but I am so damn depressed I can't see a future

Amore'

There is a suicide helpline and counsellors you can talk to here:

http://www.sadag.org

They are open 24 hours, contact them please.

You need a trained counsellor to talk to.

You are part of our family and I do not want you to hurt yourself.

You do not want your children to deal with their father suiciding. They can easily deal with the fact that their father is a woman. Even if their mother can't

[Amoré]

You do not want your children to deal with their father suiciding. They can easily deal with the fact that their father is a woman. Even if their mother can't

You are right I got hold of my psychologist and she helped me pull through,I am an emotional wreck. I am glad to have family like you guys. I am trying to find reasons in becoming a woman that makes it better than the situation I am in now.

My psychologist said I am jumping around too much. I must then live as the male me for the next couple of weeks and go through the motions of life and see how I feel about it. Also if I can keep it all together because it feels if I can do it now and stay male but when my female part is coming and knocking at the door she is going to want to live again.

I hate being caught in between two genders it sucks and deciding which one you want to be.

[Cindy]

Good girl.

I'm in South Australia so the time zones are not too bad. I'll be on for a few hours so if you need to talk just pm me.

Just one thing I shall say. About five years ago I made my plan to walk in front of a train and end it. I had a medical appointment and decided that if I couldn't get help that was it.

There was no way I could transition - way no way.

I transitioned. I was 58; no it wasn't easy, yes there were lots of tears but to be honest not one of my fears arose.

I'm now 62, I'm happy. I love my life.

You can be as well. And you will be.

[Amoré]

I want to thank everyone for their advice and support. I really thought it was the end for me this morning but I pulled through.