When Things Go Slow

[KyleEdric]

When your transitioning isn't going as quickly as you would like, how on Earth do you cope?

I am now on my FOURTH gender therapist within the past 5 months, since the last one, like the other two, couldn't accept my insurance...
Mom is worried that these past three therapists may not be as 'expert' as they claim, and still insists that my Asperger's syndrome is a crucial component to the dysphoria that they are choosing to ignore. I could tell her that each of the therapists that I have seen, insist that my Asperger's has nothing to do with my transness, she'd just claim they couldn't possibly know that from a single session... She still voices her worries about me moving too fast in my transition even though I've pointed out it's been agonizingly slow, and I'm trying my hardest to be patient since i know she has many other worries to attend to with the rest of the family. 

She asked if I could just be content for now, by just dressing up without the need for hormones. My sister asked me the same thing months ago; if I would be happier expressing as genderless instead of going through surgery and hormones, and it's enough to make me scream. Just NO! I haven't been more sure of what I want, and you're asking me if I'd be happy with a bike when what I want is a car!

Mom is worried. She doesn't want there to be a misstep. A mistake. She's all for me transitioning, but she's trying her hardest to make sure I will not regret it. And I don't blame her, since I never expressed myself as anything other than a girl for much of my life (I didn't really take time to notice my gender for years). But, thanks to the Asperger's, I find it very hard to express how I feel in way she'll understand that I really do want this full change. Even if someone explained for me, and then have me explain it back to her, I'd find it hard.

So what do you do when things are going slow?

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Kyle,

When your transitioning isn't going as quickly as you would like, how on Earth do you cope?

You sit down and think about it. Question and define what does slow mean? Where should I be that defines slow? Am I approaching this from the right direction. Am I seeing the right people. There are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself about your perception of your journey.

I'll give you a simpler example. You're driving a car. The accelerator makes the car go fast or slow. Push down on the accelerator and the car goes fast; BUT I want it to go faster, and it won't. Now, lets think about what the gearbox does. If I change gear, and using the accelerator again, I can further change the speed of the car.

Transition is a little like driving a car. When do I need to use the accelerator, when do I need to use the gear box, and what part of it. When do I need to use the brakes, and how much. What things do I need to change, to steer round this corner, etc, etc, etc.

Speak to you as soon as I fix this flat tyre.

Huggs
Catherine

[suzifrommd]

It's your life. You need to make the decisions. Your mother has no idea what gender dysphoria feels like.

Here's my advice (though I don't knew either of you, so in the end you'll have to decide whether it's right):

1. Stop trying to convince your mother. It's just not important what she thinks.
2. Decide what you want. Then go ahead and do it. If you want to start hormones, make an appointment with a hormone doctor. If you want to change your gender marker, go ahead and do it. If you want to start dressing differently, do it. Don't give your mother a veto.