weirdness of everybody knowing I am trans

[Amoré]

Okay this is sort of making me mad. 

Now that everybody including my wife know I have gender dysporia they are of forcing me to be transgender.It is if you are some sort of alien that needs to be treated different because you dared to say you have gender identity issues. I can understand that this may be confusing to them because they also don't know where I fitted in but at least in the past I was invited to do activities with the men. I did not hate those activities now things are different.

I was told by my wife last night that she does not trust me and I am only going to go through the same motions in 5 years. Also she does not have the energy to deal with my depression dips anymore. Not all my depression is because of dysphoria and more about general life things that fuels dysphoria because it makes me feel inadequate to be a man.

One thing that I realised and thanks to some peoples advice was to take it day by day it took a while to figure this out for myself. But there are some things that is not meant to be worried about long term like dysphoria I am not worried about depression and dysphoria of the future because this just worsens it. Then I end up resenting myself because I don't want it in the future and I start struggling with myself. I deal with today only.

Now that people know I am "trans" they are telling me I must stop pretending to be what I am not. But I am just me they feel I lied to them about who I am for years. My wife especially told me last night when she asked me to be a man I showed her a f you now she is showing me a f you back that I want to try and fix things. Does she only want to get me back for her hurt?

[suzifrommd]

As far as your wife is concerned, I can understand her reaction. Your revelation makes her future very uncertain. Things are not going to be business as usual. It's a bitter pill, but you're going to have to learn to rely less on her for support. She's got her own stuff to work out - where the marriage is going and what it will mean to be married to a trans person. The sooner you work things out, the clearer the picture will be for her, so putting pressure on you to move forward is not a surprising reaction.

For everyone else, their understanding of what it is to be trans is probably minimal. When I first came out, (and ever since) I encountered widespread ignorance about all aspects of the transgender experience. Heck, for most of my life, I was just as ignorant as they are. Expect them to treat you as someone Different and to follow a path that conforms to their (limited and inaccurate understanding.) They've been told by the media that trans people knew from a young age, so it looks to them like you've been holding back on them. They've been told by the media all trans women feel like a woman in a man's body and need to transition (how many stories have you read about trans people who don't transition. Not many.), so they just expect you to get on with it.

You can educate them if you feel like it, or you can ignore them. Either way, it's a tough road to walk. Hugs.

[pyhxbp]

was told by my wife last night that she does not trust me and I am only going to go through the same motions in 5 years.

Based in what I know of many trans people, the chances are that your wife is correct. Most MTF's try and bury it, few seem to succeed. In my own case I just got tired of fighting it every waking hour of every day.

Now that people know I am "trans" they are telling me I must stop pretending to be what I am not

There is probably some truth in that. Many of us construct a facade that we hide behind. "He" never really exists.

But I am just me

I used to say that too because I still was me. That was obvious, but ....

they feel I lied to them about who I am for years.

... they are correct. I had to face up to this as well. I had lied for years, I had hid behind my facade. Whatever you do, become yourself and people generally respond well to authenticity. How you proceed will be up to you, but if you need to transition then you need to do it.

Good luck with it all

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry your wife is coping that attitude. A girl friend a long time ago did that to me and the relationship ended.

[Adena]

As far as your wife is concerned, I can understand her reaction. Your revelation makes her future very uncertain. Things are not going to be business as usual. It's a bitter pill, but you're going to have to learn to rely less on her for support. She's got her own stuff to work out - where the marriage is going and what it will mean to be married to a trans person. The sooner you work things out, the clearer the picture will be for her, so putting pressure on you to move forward is not a surprising reaction.

For everyone else, their understanding of what it is to be trans is probably minimal. When I first came out, (and ever since) I encountered widespread ignorance about all aspects of the transgender experience. Heck, for most of my life, I was just as ignorant as they are. Expect them to treat you as someone Different and to follow a path that conforms to their (limited and inaccurate understanding.) They've been told by the media that trans people knew from a young age, so it looks to them like you've been holding back on them. They've been told by the media all trans women feel like a woman in a man's body and need to transition (how many stories have you read about trans people who don't transition. Not many.), so they just expect you to get on with it.

You can educate them if you feel like it, or you can ignore them. Either way, it's a tough road to walk. Hugs.

Suzi, this is me, I was ignorant too. Our situations are often very complex, it takes time and effort to understand where we are coming from (even for ourselves!)

Amoray, the key is if your wife (or others) can clear all their preconceptions for long enough to really, really listen to you and learn from you. Sadly, not everyone is willing to do this. Our thoughts are with you.

Love,
Denali

[Kylo]

In my case I think I only came out to everybody I did because I always felt as if I was looked upon (even if not intentionally so) as a bit of a freak or a weird person. Everybody can see that I don't fit in, so I felt there was nothing to lose or all that much to hide. That position feels empowering because you're already at rock bottom and there's nowhere to go but up, but not if you do have something (or a lot) to lose. I think if I did have something to lose I would certainly have felt like everybody knowing would have been detrimental in some way. And it would feel "weird" having them all know while I felt there was still some semblance of my old life to protect and continue living as a guise. I think I would only tell them when it was past the point of no return and when they would start to notice irreversible changes.