what, if anything, got you out of the closet

[almostinaskirt_22]

This may be dumb to some, but if i hadnt found gurkees trinidad sandals i wouldnt be planning on walking outside as a woman the first time. Is it as wonderful as i think itll be? I dont have to pretend anymore. I can finally be seen as i feel. But the dresses and sandals and anklets make it worth it. If im ever on my back and begin to doubt myself, a glance at my toe ring will remind me that i can only try and please a real mam, i cant be one.

[Maybebaby56]

A chance encounter with a woman on line.  I had just started acknowledging to myself I am probably transgender, and it was big step to even admit that in cyberspace, behind the anonymity of a screen name. She answered one of my messages, and she was so kind and supportive.  That was a huge moment for me. I had acknowledged something I had been so ashamed of, and she wasn't bothered by it one bit.  She told me, "You are a GIRL, and you need to accept that."

That was January 6, 2014, and we are best girlfriends now.  We talk or text nearly every day. I see her a couple of times a year (she lives 1100 miles away, unfortunately). She convinced me to start seeing a gender therapist, and that's how my transition started.

~Terri

[LordKAT]

For me, it was finding out that I am not the only person like me. Once I knew that it was possible, I had to be me.

[iKate]

I reached a point where I was spending a lot of time dressing as a woman in private because this conflict just wouldn't go away. I took some low dose estrogen self medicated and it felt great. Next thing you know my body started to change rapidly and it was all downhill from there. I stopped the hormones for a while, came out to my wife (she let me have it 10x over and told me what an awful person I was over and over), saw a therapist then a couple months later started hormone therapy for real. Then I knew it was inevitable.

Going to therapy I dressed en femme and that built my confidence. Eventually I just went full time everywhere. At work I waited because that is a more formal process and I didn't want to alarm anyone.

[warlockmaker]

It's been a gradual coming out. Started with a few close friends and when the number hit 100 the news just naturally spread. As for my looks, I became more and more androgenous, in the female direction. Then the switch to female clothing was natural and no real concious  effort. Also, the bathroom use. Started using the female when I felt more feminine and used the male when I did not. Noticed that the men stared at me,  so now I use the female toilets.

Also, I'm not one that fussed about the pronoun that's used to address me and gradually the he/sir disappeared and she/madam was the norm. Maybe I'm lucky that this gradual evolution just naturally happened.

[Colleen M]

My wife worked up the courage to tell me she preferred girls.  While she was worried about me responding by divorcing her, I worked up the courage to tell her I had a way we could make that work.  And then the snowball started...

[itsApril]

My wife worked up the courage to tell me she preferred girls.  While she was worried about me responding by divorcing her, I worked up the courage to tell her I had a way we could make that work.  And then the snowball started...

Wow!  What a lucky coincidence!

[Obfuskatie]

My wife worked up the courage to tell me she preferred girls.  While she was worried about me responding by divorcing her, I worked up the courage to tell her I had a way we could make that work.  And then the snowball started...

I often like to mention that our partners tend to seek people like us out because they are attracted to femininity in trans women or the masculinity in trans men. We aren't exactly fooling them as much as we think we are, in that we stood out to them precisely for the things we tried to hide in a lot of cases I've heard of, including my own experiences. It doesn't mean our "Heterosexual" partners are actually gay, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a higher likelihood they are bi, or struggling with their sexual identity when they find the closeted person who seems to fulfill their relationship preferences.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[ToniB]

An illness that destroyed my testicles stopping production of testosterone and to my body starting to feminise by its self ,allowing my Feminine side to come to the fore and flourish, until I reached a point when I could no longer pretend to be the  Male My body said I was .And coming out was the only way foreward

Toni

[Colleen M]

I often like to mention that our partners tend to seek people like us out because they are attracted to femininity in trans women or the masculinity in trans men. We aren't exactly fooling them as much as we think we are, in that we stood out to them precisely for the things we tried to hide in a lot of cases I've heard of, including my own experiences. It doesn't mean our "Heterosexual" partners are actually gay, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a higher likelihood they are bi, or struggling with their sexual identity when they find the closeted person who seems to fulfill their relationship preferences.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No argument from me. 

My wife is disabled, so I had another reason (and a convenient excuse...) for not going first, as that does limit her options some.

Wow!  What a lucky coincidence!

We are so well matched in so many ways, and this has brought us even closer together.  Even if I come out of transition as a nominally straight girl, I'd be surprised if it harms our relationship.  I've grown accustomed to her face and wouldn't know what to do without her.   

[Collette]

My fiancé knew I had some kind of secret. She just knew, I had no idea how. She got me to admit I did have a secret but I wouldn't tell her what it was. After our relationship got really rocky she pushed and pushed to know what it was. Relationships are built on trust and since I had a secret ours wasn't. We were having a huge fight and it looked like it was going to be the end of us. I was so emotional and knew we were over so I finally told her. She got really quiet for a minute then asked me if transitioning was what I really wanted. I had nothing left to lose and told her it was. After another minute of silence she said OK then that's what we'll do. I think I went into shock. She told me that she honestly thought my secret was that I killed someone. She had prepared herself for that. So me being trans was way easier for her to deal with. She told me that it made so many things make sense about me. From that day on our relationship improved and kept getting better. I don't think I could have ever transitioned without her. Her complete acceptance gave me strength. Whenever I would doubt myself she'd talk me through it. She saved my life.

PS. That night she told me she always thought she would end up a lesbian anyway lol.

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

[m3morpho]

I've never really been the type who was able to keep secrets of my own for long. Once I figured it out for myself, I just kind of...had to tell someone. I did it just online for a while, told my best friend but didn't really explain...I came out to my mom the first time by asking her for a binder, but I went back into the closet quickly after. I didn't really come out until I'd had several long, drawn out crying sessions, and I finally just couldn't take it anymore. So I sent my mom an email, and we talked about it, and so it was. I made the post on facebook, and dealt with the response. Mostly positive, a little negative. I did a lot of flipping back and forth for a while, between identities I mean, but I'm finally pretty content with who I am, as an FtM.

[Tessa James]

I came out in the early 80s as queer/bi because it was true and I did not want to hide my boy friends or my orientation any longer.  I came out again in 2012-13 as transgender because i could no longer hide that truth from myself or anyone else.  Till then I did not realize how much effort had been going into my man act.  What a relief to let him go.

As so many others have sweetly pointed out it was in large part my spouse that facilitated my coming out.  I agree with Katie in that many of us are consciously or subconsciously attracted to those people with a gender and orientation blend that lights our fire.  My partner has always known my heart and her support allowed me to start trying these figurative wings. 

[allisonsteph]

I came out in the BDSM community hoping to have my desire to wear women's clothing shamed or beaten out of me. Instead I found a community that was supportive and encouraged me to be myself. It took over five years, but eventually I transitioned and started HRT.

[Valwen]

A near suicide, a web comic, meeting a good friend for the first time and then a accident.

[LizK]

I had spent the morning on my computer looking for answers, what I was looking for answers for I have no idea. I know that I was upset and angry and totally fed up. I didn't know why I didn't know what it was about but I did know it was a truth lurking inside. I couldn't quite get to it no matter how hard I tried.

I got up from my desk tearful and angry at the same time it went outside. I began to pace back and forth which went on for some time, the longer I paced about the calmer I became. After about 20 minutes I was hit with the overwhelming desire to have a drink which is something I haven't done for over 17 years. This is a highly unusual thing for me to do, having been sober for so long it was the last thing on my mind that day.

This event was the catalyst to make me ask and answer the hard questions. At this time I also knew that my drinking had always been related to me being transgender. The hard part about that was that I didn't even know what transgender was so I began to research. At the same time this was going I also had the feeling that there was an issue with my testosterone level. I had thought this quite some time as it was explained to me that medication I receive via my implanted pump would eventually drop my testosterone level and would need to be monitored. My reluctance to get my testosterone level checked was because it had also helped to calm me down. It was not until I started to notice physical changes that I sought help for the low testosterone.

Those couple of events happened fairly close together and they got me to examine why I was in a position 16 years sober wanting a drink. This was simply another example of my self destructive behaviour. I did not know for sure that it was the testosterone and even still, I did not follow up on it. It was not until I thought there was some threat to my health that I actually decided to do something about it.

... And that was the start, the more I researched, the more I learn, the more I learned more I didn't want to know, the more I knew the clearer it all became. So here I now sit, three weeks away from Gyne appointment and then a further 2 to see the psychiatrist to get my letters for HRT approval.

Elizabeth K

[Sharon Anne McC]

*

It is almost as if I went in the opposite direction - from open and out as a child to suppressed and in the closet by high school and young adult age.

I was continually in a state of my well-known feminine protesting tantrums as a child, mostly at home and sometimes elsewhere in public.

My inhibitions lessened as I grew up - fearfull of ever-increasing physical and mental abuse by my family led me to begin being more internalised about my self.  That led to my stealth transition that my family did not know until I was age 28; now they had to confront the 'new' me Sharon / female (1985).

I lived in the closet for the next 30-some years - still fearing discovery.  I fought being exposed; nevertheless two different employers fired me because I am a transsexual (1985 and 2010).  They both manipulated my fear of being discovered as their primary tool against me.

Finally I told myself 'No more'.  I had to repeatedly attend to business at the SSA office many times throughout 2015; those experiences telling my story to numerous agents day in and day out led me to drop my guard and be more matter-of-fact about my self.

I feel no need to 'tell' to people who may not be a partner.  My perspective now is that it is more my private medical circumstance and otherwise none of their business.  I do not wave a flag or wear a lapel ornament.  If the topic came up and someone posed the situation to me, then I would have no reluctance telling my story.  I created my web-site for my own self-awareness; if others find it and learn from it, then good for them.

*

[CarlyMcx]

Skin cancer.  I spent my life in denial about being trans, living as a sometimes femme guy who wore speedos and small men's bikinis to the beach and pools.  Then I could not do that any more, and my femininity needed another outlet.   So here I am.

[greencoloredpencil]

I love this topic. It's wonderful to read everyone's experiences!

For me it was just the right combination of things and timing in my life. I'd been recovering from a health condition that had hugely impacted my life for the past two years, settled some personal matters long bothering me, and got back into my work more focused and determined than before. I guess it was just that I felt things were improving and that I was ready to move on and move forward with my life. I'd known basically forever that I wanted to transition but it kind of sat behind everything in my life out of fear to do anything about it. But because I just had this overwhelming sense of wanting to get on with my life I felt like I was ready to start.

Then I happened to meet someone through my profession who I really liked and felt I could trust, so I told her. That was the best decision ever, since she's been the most supportive and overall amazing person ever! I notice that finding a person like this has been important to a lot of us in coming out and starting to transition.

[Jade_404]

I had told my shrink about this, she passed it off as ,  "discovered dysphoria while playing a video game" . However, she did not hear what I was saying or what I had done. It was NOT a video game.

I was an original funder of the Oculus Rift project and an early developer for it.  For those that do not know, this is Virtual Reality, the real deal. I have always modeled 3D female characters, since I was first introduces to 3D design in the early 90s. Put a 3D tool in front of me, and I would always try to make a girl. Well, when I got the Rift, I took all my best designs and converted them for use in VR. I build a room, with Mirrors, clothing options, etc. I don't know why, I was just compelled, It was the first thing I built for VR, second thing was Zombies, haha.

When I put on the Rift and entered VR. I saw myself as a woman. I could look down and see my body, the curves, the breasts. In the mirror I saw my true self staring back at me. Or at least a nice 3D representation of my true self. Something hit me like a brick in the head! VR is so immersive, it is not like looking at 3D on a screen. It is like you are THERE, and there I was, and a WOMAN... something just felt so right about it and all the pieces clicked. I had other people try my simulation and they thought it was cool,  but none of them came out of VR with eyes open wide as I had. I wish I had had some Transgender friends at the time to try it, I am SURE they would have seen what I did.

Years later I saw that others were using the Rift for gender studies and things. http://www.wired.com/2014/02/crazy-oculus-rift-experiment-lets-men-women-swap-bodies/

I think that the Rift could be used as a therapeutic aid for gender dysphoria, I just can't explain the feeling I had when I was in there. I tried to tell others, I even tried to tell my shrink. Like I say, she wrote down, "became aware of dysphoria while playing video game" This was no game! This was life, and it all made sense.

That experience made me decide that I wanted to be ME in real life, and no one could stop me! I never entered the simulation again, I don't need too I am becoming "Her" for real

Fun right

hugs, 
-Jade