Make or break time

[Emily Rose]

This week has been extraordinary for me. I finally let someone else know how I feel about this unsightly piece of male appendage that was attached to me. It may have only been a dr. But it felt good.

Now though I feel like I need to let someone who knows me, learn how I feel about my self. This will be a test of nerves. I've set a meet for coffee on Saturday with my best friend so we can have our chat. Don't think she has any idea what I have to say to her, all she knows is that I really need someone to talk to.

Has anyone got any ideas of how I should "break the ice" or should I just tell her straight?

This will be difficult though as normally all emotional stuff I normally talk through with my wife but I can't really bring myself to talk to her about this just yet.


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[Devlyn]

"I'm transgender" is a pretty good icebreaker, and about all you're going to
get out before the questions start anyway. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Emily Rose]

That don't really help me. I'm nervous enough as it is. I had all these speeches planned for the dr's and eventually after being in there for 5 minutes without saying anything. I just freaked and said "I want a sex change". As Sami said. It's not the most elegant of things I've ever said lol


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[Devlyn]

hmmmmm. Well, one of these times I'm going to offer helpful advice....<walking off muttering>.... 

[Emily Rose]

Sorry if that sounded a bit short. But when I say I'm nervous, I really am. Even been thinking of ways to get out of going


I really do have big feet and yes quite often I do step right in it. If you know what I mean

[Devlyn]

No worries! I believe in jumping off cliffs to find out what's at the bottom. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Emily Rose]

Lol


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[Kitty June]

Hey
Just try to stay calm and start simple.  The fact that your best friend is female leads me to think it will be a positive conversation and be very helpful.
I'd say look into therapy though to help with your fear

Good luck to you

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[Emily Rose]

I know this has nothing to do with this. But I've also decided how I would like to be known. I've looked on the forum but can't find anyway to change my user name. Is this possible?

  And thanks for the advice. Could still do with more if anyone would like to help?



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[Ms Grace]

I understand the urge to let people know, and really, if you are going to do it, the way suggested by Devlyn is the best. I would caution though, you are at the start of your journey of personal discovery here. You've told your doc and are looking for further treatment. Sometimes it pays not to start telling other people until you have a sense of where you be may journeying to. I say this from experience when I tried to transition in the early 1990s and told a whole bunch of friends... yes I had started HRT and was even going out as "Julie" from time to time with them but at the time I told them I wasn't intending on transitioning to full time for at least two years. Then the second year came and I was no closer to feeling ready, to say my back and forth about the whole thing challenged other people's patience and damaged friendships would be an understatement... especially since they were going back and forth with names and pronouns all the time. Plus the news got out to many more people than I expected or intended...that kind of news travels fast. So anyway, what I'm getting at is that you should have a sense of what you are hoping for from telling this friend or any friend. Telling someone you are trans is not the same as telling them you are gay, and if you're not sure about where you are headed to in this process just yet then telling them might cause confusion or misunderstanding. You'll need to be prepared for them to ask questions, and you will also need to be ready for them to not be as accepting or understanding as you'd like. Hopefully that won't be the case, but it is an issue that many of us have to face.

Send me a PM of the username you would like and I will fix it up for you.

[Denise]

In my opinion, there are three or four different categories of people that you can tell:
1) your family/friends  (Hardest)
2) your co-workers (assuming you are in the workforce)
3) professionals (therapist, Endo, GP...)
4) total strangers. (Easiest)

I wanted to find out first hand what it would feel like being transgender in public.  Was it something I could handle?  Would it quite down the voices in my head? etc...

So this is what I did.  I packed enough boy and girl clothes for 4 days in Orlando. I didn't have a bathing suit as I'm not that brave (yet).  My plan was to get to the hotel, change into girl mode and stay that way for 4 days.  Cutting to the chase, I painted my nails a metallic red and went down to the hot tub each night.  1/2 the time a comment about the painted nails would open the door to Gender Dysphoria.  It would become more about facts than opinions.  One couple at a bar (I was in a sweater dress with a padded bra, NO wig) was fascinated and we talked for about 2 or 3 hours about everything.  It was a night I'll probably never forget.

So as I see it there are at least a dozen people who know about "this person with gender dysphoria from Chicago." 

I've told my wife and my sister.  One was more understanding/supportive than the other but I don't blame her.

So my advice - try talking to strangers.  They will ask questions you might not have considered and some you have.  Easier to learn to swim in the shallow end than the ocean.

[Emily Rose]

I'm not really confident talking face to face with someone about my problems. But looks like I'm working down your list.
First was Doctor's just waiting for therapist. But my next port of call is a co-worker/friend. But not a close friend. Don't think I could face that at the minute, maybe after I've seen the therapist a few times

[Jessie Ann]

Coming to the realization that I was transgender was the hardest part for me. Once I did that I was able to get the help to plan out what I was going to do. I really didn't take much time between making the decision to transition and coming out to everyone. Only a couple months really. I started HRT in March and was full time complete with name and gender change in June. So I guess I kinda jumped off that cliff. I found out that there was nothing but a warm relaxing pool of love at the bottom. ❤️❤️ Good luck girl. We are here for you.

[Emily Rose]

I think I have too much baggage to handle before I can really make my move. Will be baby steps for me. Therapist fist.

[ChasingAlice]

No worries! I believe in jumping off cliffs to find out what's at the bottom. 

Hugs, Devlyn

I hope that someday I am as bold ad you. In person I am painfully shy.

[HappyMoni]

Other than my wife, who knew when we first started dating (100 years ago), the first person I told was my doctor. I was so scared, I read my thoughts from a paper I had scribbled my thoughts on. It was hard. Each time gets easier. I'm at about 80 people now. I do have a suggestion, something I used to tell my kids. I gave them a letter telling them that I wanted to tell them something very personal. Also, that I was going to be unfair to them and not tell them right then. I told them what it wasn't (not dying, didn't kill anyone, not splitting up marriage etc.)but I didn't let them ask any questions then. Oh, I said I considered it good news. I let them read it. It gave them a chance to prepare themselves. (Also, it might be a good way to feel your friend out to see if she could keep the secret.)
Anyway, I let it ride for less than a week and then told them. For one thing, they were relieved that it was not something worse. For another thing it made them want to find out the mystery. They essentially decided on their own that they wanted to hear my news. The three of them all said that they would have heard the news no other way. Now, does anyone have any advice for standing up in front of 90 coworkers and telling them?  "And now, for my next trick , I'll pull a transgender rabbit out of my hat!" LOL
Good luck, it will be fine!
Moni