General talk about personal journeys

[Michelle_P]

I think (and hope) that it's never too late.  I'm in my early 60s, and after a lifetime of repressing , deflecting, and otherwise hiding, I hit some really black days recently.  This stuff really backs up in the psychic plumbing.  I finally got the courage to actually make an appointment with a therapist in our HMO next week.  I wish I'd done this 40 years ago, but with today's treatments. (Not electroconvulsive therapy or faradic aversion treatment!  Eep!)

Oh, is he in for a wild ride.  I very strongly suspect the depression, anxiety, etc is all coming from gender dysphoria, and am hoping to get a referral to the right team for treatment. (The HMO has a specialized team for these sorts of issues.)

I haven't come out to anyone yet, and will try to get some good guidance before I do anything that might blow up my life.

[amberwaves]

I don't think it's too late for anyone.  There are numerous success stories of older gals who transitioned.  Will you be a model? unlikely.  Will you be happier? Quite possibly.  Going to see a therapist is a good start.  They can help you to determine what steps you wish to take.

In other news, this weekend will be most frustrating for me.  We have a houseguest who we allowed to move in with us to escape a bad situation back in December.  We've been letting her stay here for free until she can get resituated.  Unfortunately, she is a terrible guest who for the last two months has been dodging us.  She only stops by when she knows we are both at work/away.  I'm pretty sure she fell back in with all her old friends and is smoking pot again.

She has her 5 year old son this weekend.  He is a little brat who is disrespectful, steals our girls toys, and generally a bad influence on our girls.  She sits on her phone all the time and pretty much expects us to parent her child for her.  Only stepping in at the last moment before we get pissed.

We've told her to find somewhere else to stay because we need to fix that room up as a nursery for the baby in June.  Also, that room reeks of BO because her hygiene is atrocious.  She said that has found a place for most of her stuff, but so far in two weeks has moved almost nothing.  It will soon be to the point where her crap is going to end up on the lawn and the locks changed (the locks are getting changed anyway after she is out).  We are trying very hard to keep things civil.

I'm not out to her so I know that I won't be able to dress this weekend.  I will live, but damn it chaps my ***.  Very frustrating to own your own home, but still be unable to be who you are because you tried to do a nice thing for someone.

On a positive note I replaced my male wallet with a female one and bought some makeup.

[Tasha_]

Ouch!! I understand the pain!!! My wife has a bleeding heart for people in need, so we have had house guests many times... This time it's my sister and her two boys, all whom I came out to shortly before they moved in so I COULD dress with them in the house. It was hard at first but they really are the best part of the family I was born into. And the kid.... My brother in law did the same ->-bleeped-<-.... And wow it sucked!!! I honestly feel for you!!!

Other note, my forms and wig came today.... Pretty excited to try them!!!

[Tasha_]

So, I got a wig and breast forms... My wife says I pass, and I totally forgot to get her to take a picture for my profile. I do believe that I got a bad color for myself, going to have to get a more natural color before I feel comfortable going out... But I think I am going to hit the town as Tasha soon!!! It is going to be wonderful!!!! I am Soooo excited!!!

[Felix]

I agree with Michelle and others that it's never too late.

To TKGW I want to say that a lot of stuff just happens. I became a mother/father 100 percent against my will, and my life now is horrifically difficult, but it's cool. I always know what to do next. I just kind of fell into it. I was living as male at 17 when I met my kid's other dad. He was bisexual and when I came out as female to him he was okay with that. Lots and lots of guys proposed marriage in the years since.

If guys were into me as a man with a vagina in the 90s and guys were into me as a female single parent in the 2010s and guys are into me as a male single parent now, then you can find whatever social situation you need. I really am a mess and I'm low status but I have never been lonely. And I get things done when I need to.

---
My personal journey has always been an afterthought to duty and caring for others. That sucks but has nothing to do with my being transgender.

Being trans is better now than it used to be for me. I got my uterus taken out and all my breast tissue removed. My voice is deep and my facial hair is unimpressive but it exists.

[amberwaves]

Just went out with my wife for our anniversary and I got to go as Amber!  When we got to the restaurant the hostess said, "this way ladies". It was really hard not to giggle.  My wife was amused and asked if that just tickled me pink. This was our first date with me as Amber.  I'm passable until I open my mouth.  The server, to her credit, didn't bat an eye when she looked at my ID to serve me a drink. It was a lovely night and my first time using the ladies restroom.  Pretty sure I would have gotten some of looks in the men's room.

http://imgur.com/qr4rrG7

[Tasha_]

Congratulations Amber!!! I am very happy for you, and yes, a little jealous!!! Lol... My wife and I are real close to trying it too.... I shaved my face and now have a wig other than the red one that looks more natural.... It's encouraging to read your story cause I am nervous as all hell... But wow!!! I would really like to hear more about it!!!

[confusedlauren]

Just went out with my wife for our anniversary and I got to go as Amber!  When we got to the restaurant the hostess said, "this way ladies". It was really hard not to giggle.  My wife was amused and asked if that just tickled me pink. This was our first date with me as Amber.  I'm passable until I open my mouth.  The server, to her credit, didn't bat an eye when she looked at my ID to serve me a drink. It was a lovely night and my first time using the ladies restroom.  Pretty sure I would have gotten some of looks in the men's room.

http://imgur.com/qr4rrG7

Congrats

You're indeed totally passable!

[GeneticJen]

Was just about to start this, but you beat me to it.  Also, a shout out to all the 30 somethings who are starting this process.

Woohoo! I'm starting HRT at 30

[GeneticJen]

On the subject of it being too late, yeah I've seen and heard stories from amazing older ladies who made their decision to come out or start HRT etc in their 60s and are much happier. Personally I've felt this way since I was very young, wanted to make changes in my teens, but kept it all inside until only a couple of years ago. I'm 30, which I don't consider old at all but still there's always going to be a little regret considering I wanted to start HRT 15 years ago. When I came out as a transwoman (most people thought I was genderfluid) and announced that I was starting HRT, a friend sent me this Chinese proverb:

"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

Sure, in an ideal world I wouldn't have been afraid to come out back then, but hey I'm making the positive changes I want to and all the ladies younger and older than me who have been through this give me inspiration.

[amberwaves]

Congratulations Amber!!! I am very happy for you, and yes, a little jealous!!! Lol... My wife and I are real close to trying it too.... I shaved my face and now have a wig other than the red one that looks more natural.... It's encouraging to read your story cause I am nervous as all hell... But wow!!! I would really like to hear more about it!!!

Did you have a funeral for the beard?  How did your wife take the shaving?  Also, is she on Susan's yet?  You had mentioned before that she might join in on the conversation.

Not going to lie, I was rather nervous going out.  Our effing house guest showed up while I was in the bathroom finishing my makeup.  We had to rush out with my wife scouting and giving the all clear like it was metal gear solid or something.  It was nice because that was the first time I've been treated as a lady.  Also, it is a huge affirmation about my passability.  I'm not even on hormones yet, so I imagine that will treat me well.  That and the weight loss.  Already down 13 lbs in 2 months and that's just from diet.  Now that that the weather is nice running will be the order of the day.

Love,
Amber

[amberwaves]

Woohoo! I'm starting HRT at 30

Congratulations that is awesome.  I can't wait to start myself.

[GeneticJen]

I turned 30 in July, started HRT self-medication in January at a hilariously low dosage. At the end of this month I'll be a clinic patient (private in the UK) so I'll be doing everything properly from then. First hair removal session at the end of the month too!

Big changes. In 2015 I was doing a PhD, in a different city, not out with my family, and not on HRT. Over new year things changed drastically. In 2016 I'm a journalist in London, out with my family, doing HRT and living pretty much full-time as female! Really is a new year! :p

[amberwaves]

I turned 30 in July, started HRT self-medication in January at a hilariously low dosage. At the end of this month I'll be a clinic patient (private in the UK) so I'll be doing everything properly from then. First hair removal session at the end of the month too!

Big changes. In 2015 I was doing a PhD, in a different city, not out with my family, and not on HRT. Over new year things changed drastically. In 2016 I'm a journalist in London, out with my family, doing HRT and living pretty much full-time as female! Really is a new year![emoji14]

Definitely big changes.  I will turn 35 in July.  Congratulations on getting your PhD.  I intend to start hormones soon.  I will be quitting smoking at the end of the month and then I'll begin the process.  I will be going for my PhD once everything settles down and I can ensure financially that we can get by during the process.  Awesome that you are living full time as who you are.

[GeneticJen]

I actually dropped out of the PhD! I believe the people who say it's good to have something to focus on during your first year of HRT so you don't go mad just waiting and doing nothing, so I'm glad I have a job that takes up my time and makes the weeks zoom by. However, my PhD was just way too much. It was too much even before starting all this. I know other trans people who started HRT during their PhD and did great but it just wasn't a good environment for me to do it. This new job is though so yay

Good luck! I hope the quitting goes smoothly. I guess it might be easier when it's for something so important.

[amberwaves]

My apologies for the erroneous assumption about completion.  It is not an easy task and I can definitely understand how it could be too much (especially with transition/dysphoria).  No shame in it though.  You said you have a job as a journalist and it sounds as if that has been fulfilling.  We all take a myriad of twists and turns to get to where we are happy.  From your age it sounds like you must have started graduate studies shortly after your undergraduate.  That's a long time to be in academia.  I'm glad you are on a good path that you enjoy.

For myself, I think it is a good choice for me to work on transition beforehand.  Not that I terribly think it would interfere with my studies, I am an intellectual by nature.  I have a lot of other life circumstances to straighten out.  Two young girls, new baby in June, save up money, pay down debts, etc.  Usual life concerns.

Quitting smoking shouldn't be too bad.  I've quit before.  I will miss it, but it is for the best anyway.  The only reason it's waiting for the end of the month is because I have a big bag of tobacco that I am trying to finish.  I hate seeing things go to waste.  My in-laws just quit so I have no one to pawn it off on and it makes for a good sense of closure finishing it.

[Tasha_]

She is still slacking about joining... But she will...

We had a memorial, but it was short... And I can't believe your solid gear reference, I forgot about that game till now.... I used to love it!!! That is really awesome that you did it... And passing must have made you feel wonderful!!! You do look great... I just looked at your pic.

About the voice, ya... That's how I feel... I think I look great, but the sound coming out of my mouth messes it all up... Lol. The nice thing about that, though, is with practice you can fix it to a degree... I've read a bunch about it you basically just have to keep trying till you think you sound good.

And it's never too late, I'm 36 this year but I'm doing my thing, it's funny because I keep meeting people the same age or close that are going through the same thing.


Tasha

[amberwaves]

I'm not super concerned about the voice.  I have plenty of time to work on it.  Besides it keeps me quiet.  I talk too much anyway. Tell your wife to get the Tapatalk app for her phone/tablet.  Unless she is a Luddite.

Passing was quite exciting.  I figured I had a decent shot because I don't have overtly manly features.  There are certainly tells for those with keen observation.  I'll feel much better about everything as I lose weight. Hoping to get back down to what I weighed when I was in the Navy.  Only 60 more pounds to go...it'll be a while.  Currently sitting just under 230 looking to be around 205 by B-day in July.  Not an unreasonable goal, just requires me to not get lazy.

My girls laughed at the picture.  Daddy your wearing a dress.  I'm not upset by it though.  They think it's funny because boys don't wear dresses.  I'm not actually out to my girls yet because young kids talk and I don't want to have that conversation yet with the in-laws and family.  This is easily passed off because kids have wild imaginations [emoji2]

[Tasha_]

My daughter is older, and is discrete, but I do worry about my son. He is about to turn 4 and start school. But... I'm only so worried... I mean, I've worn heels and cute flared jeans around a few times... so I'm kinda asking to get caught, come out, whatever anyway.... most people so far have been understanding... so I just hope it stays that way...

I told my wife she is going to have to order for me when we finally go out, but that won't do much good when I get carded... lol

Very happy for you though... you are definitely making forward progress!!!


Tasha

[amberwaves]

My daughter is older, and is discrete, but I do worry about my son. He is about to turn 4 and start school. But... I'm only so worried... I mean, I've worn heels and cute flared jeans around a few times... so I'm kinda asking to get caught, come out, whatever anyway.... most people so far have been understanding... so I just hope it stays that way.

If you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter?  Mine are turning 6 and 4 here shortly.  I mostly dress in pants and blouses around the house.  I don't feel that it is asking to be caught.  The first time my eldest  said, "flowers, really dad? Boys don't like flowers.". I just took it in stride and said I like flowers and its okay for boys to line flowers and she just looked at me and moved on.  The only times it becomes anything more is if I wear something overtly feminine like a skirt.  Then it is just amusing for them. 

It was funny the other day my youngest and I were playing with makeup.  My eldest was distracted by the TV.  When I came down stairs she started to say something and stopped mid sentence.  "Dad you look like a girl."  "Yes, I know."  "Can I have a poptart?". That was pretty much it.  It confuses them to a point, but ultimately they don't care. The biggest thing I've noticed is to just act like nothing is odd about it and move on.  It will be a bit different once they are more socialized in school.

My son will be born in June.  He will not get the chance to know his dad as a normal dad.  After he is born we are going to get a family portrait with me as a male.  I'm not upset about being different and I know there will be some stigma for him, but honestly I would rather be a loving parent than a rage/depression machine.

I wouldn't be too concerned about the ordering/getting carded thing.  Your server shouldn't be rude because it is their job to be nice for a good tip.  That being said it could be fun to have your wife treat you as a lady on a date.  I look forward to hearing how your outing goes.

Amber