Hi!
I've been putting this off for too long just lurking in the shadows.
I'm Heather, 28 in England (I may narrow this later).
I've known I was "different" since 5/6 years old where I ended up just being one of the girls in primary school but ended up "manning up" throughout high school until now.
I've always "crossdressed" since a sleep over at my house when I was around 7 where a friend left me some hand-me-downs, a few years later I was caught wearing girls clothing to bed instead of pyjamas and that caused a psychological hammer blow as I sat down and told I was sick, perverted and wrong in the head. I was forced to promise I'd never be anything other than a boy.
At 16 I moved out, got a girlfriend and moved in with her.
I didn't mention anything at first but eventually I broke down and spilled my heart out expecting the worst but got the opposite, she encouraged me to be me.
Fast forward a few years, she cheated on me with a friend and I hit the bottle.
I had friends who knew the real me and I ended up on their sofa more than my own place, these friends became the first time I explored my sexuality and why I was attracted to men and women.
Fast forward a fair few more years, relationships, many house moves, finding myself back in the closet and I'm here, where I am now writing this.
I'm in a relationship with a beautiful woman but she doesn't know much about my past and doesn't know anything about my gender identity issues.
I've joined this community to seek help in coming out and end the selfishness especially as my gender related feelings are stronger than they have been to the point of depression, anxiety and the realisation that I'm not getting younger.
The thought of growing old as a man feels like outcome worse than death itself.
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