Relationship/Supportiveness/Advice

[JoanneB]

This world class wrecking ball and her wife developed a system of 'Scheduling' an appointment for any serious grown up/important talks. For both of us nothing sucks more then having to deal with a ton of excrement when you aren't ready for it. Sometimes just the act of asking to set up a time/date is OK.

Part of any reluctance to 'Share' just may be a lot of ambivalence  as to what the relationship may have seemed to be based on plus perhaps your putting a lot more importance on it then he does. It just may not be shame/guilt over himself and who/what he is. Simply a little shame/guilt about lying to himself, to you as to the purpose of the entire relationship. Or, simply, mass confusion all around.

[Laura_7]

Thanks Laura, I'll bring it up if he decides to really talk with me.


I think I did something dumb. I sent him a text asking if he'd maybe like to meet up for drinks, saying I totally understand and its perfectly ok if he didn't want to.
He did reply, which is more than he has done in days, just said "i don't know if that's a good idea"

so I made a few jokes to lighten the mood, and that it's no worries, and that i'm thinking of him and i'm here to talk when he's ready.


the complete lack of communication other than him telling me days ago "he can't do this relationship right now" is just really stressful. He apparently still has feelings for me, but just doesn't want me around right now? It's very boggling to me, and I just feel so lost.

Well he might be caught up in his own fears and feelings of shame etc.

I personally would say I'd like to talk to him about a few things he did not know yet.
And then really talk, about fears etc.

*hugs*

[LostHeart]

JoannaB, I really like the idea of scheduling time to talk about serious things. I think he's feeling all sorts of ways, and there is a lot of confusion. Nothing I can do but wait until he comes back around..

thanks always Laura <3

I'm just trying to settle myself into emotional fact that everything we had is over, and it's hard, and i love him dearly. I still hope for a future for us, I'm just waiting to be there for him.

[Laura_7]

thanks always Laura <3

I'm just trying to settle myself into emotional fact that everything we had is over, and it's hard, and i love him dearly. I still hope for a future for us, I'm just waiting to be there for him.

<3
Well he is kind of caught by his own fears and insecurities.
So giving him a few facts so that he can better accept might help.
And imo really talking about his fears. That he will not destroy you by staying with you ... rather by being absent...
and of course talking about your fears too ...
so you can support each other ...


*hugs*

[LostHeart]

He def won't destroy me by staying with me, I'm here to support him and show him love even in times that he can't show the same back to me. I'm strong enough for both of us

Thanks Laura, your advice has been so great for me!

[LostHeart]

Sadly, and must to my dismay and sheer sadness, I think he just really doesn't want to/can't be with me, and him breaking up with me means we are really over, with no hope for the future even though I would have been right there for him regardless of Anything.

Thanks for all your support. I will still frequent here, as I feel very at home here, and am enjoying the chat section and people.

[Laura_7]

Sadly, and must to my dismay and sheer sadness, I think he just really doesn't want to/can't be with me, and him breaking up with me means we are really over, with no hope for the future even though I would have been right there for him regardless of Anything.

Thanks for all your support. I will still frequent here, as I feel very at home here, and am enjoying the chat section and people.

*hugs*

Has he told you that ?
What did he tell you ?

*hugs*

[LostHeart]

No he hasn't said anything. He's still not communicating with me. I noticed his friend took me off Facebook so I'm guessing that he told his friends we are done. I'm heartbroken.

Hopefully I am just reading too much into things, but I'm just sitting here in the dark. So very saddened.

I would do anything for him

[Laura_7]

No he hasn't said anything. He's still not communicating with me. I noticed his friend took me off Facebook so I'm guessing that he told his friends we are done. I'm heartbroken.

Hopefully I am just reading too much into things, but I'm just sitting here in the dark. So very saddened.

I would do anything for him

Feel yourself hugged  *hugs*

Well you might give him one or two days ...
and then contact him and say you want to talk ...

not coming over as needy ...
just saying you want to really talk with him ...
about a few things that are new to him yet ...


otherwise its just triggering fears...
he fears to be not worthy of a relationship ...
you fear to be abandoned...

talk to each other on a really deep level.
Not superficial jokes ...

I'd say try to stand above it ...

*hugs*

[LostHeart]

Thank you Laura. You've been more help than you even know.

I'm giving him whatever time he needs unril he contacts me.

I'm trying to stand strong.

[Laura_7]

Thank you Laura. You've been more help than you even know.

I'm giving him whatever time he needs unril he contacts me.

I'm trying to stand strong.

Well women usually pull the strings in the background ...

so don't wait for too long ... give him a bit of time and then make a move ...

I'd say...


*many hugs*

[LostHeart]

Yah. I'm giving him his time. I can't logically think of why throwing away something that is so good, is even remotely a good idea no matter what else is going on. Even if there is a dip in our actual relationship, or not calling it a relationship, but there is love coming from my end when he is unable to share love. There doesnt have to be any emphasis on us as a couple, just an us, and time would help that, but I dont see a way for that without actually talking and being together in some form. If any of that makes sense..

I love him, so I have to try, and have to give him what he needs. I'm strong. Strong enough to do anything. But he has to want me in his life for that.

[Laura_7]

But he has to want me in his life for that.

Well imo he needs to come down and relax ... and work on his issues one by one ...
and talk with you about it ...


*hugs*

[LostHeart]

His issues are why he feels he can't be in a serious relationship. I'm hoping this week+ break will give him time to think logically, with his mind and heart, and that we will be able to talk together and push through this and start helping him with his issues. He means so much to me I can't even explain. So for now I'm just waiting to see what happens.
Thanks always, Laura!

[Laura_7]

His issues are why he feels he can't be in a serious relationship. I'm hoping this week+ break will give him time to think logically, with his mind and heart, and that we will be able to talk together and push through this and start helping him with his issues. He means so much to me I can't even explain. So for now I'm just waiting to see what happens.
Thanks always, Laura!

<3

Hope it works out.
You might spend some time on the forum and the chat ...
and keep us posted ...

*many hugs*

[LostHeart]

I'm spending time in chat, I like it, and I feel like I fit in a lil, which I dont' feel most of the time.

I'll keep this thread updated, I just don't think it's looking good, and it's hard to stay positive when I'm very much so in the dark from no communication.

[Laura_7]

I'm spending time in chat, I like it, and I feel like I fit in a lil, which I dont' feel most of the time.

I'll keep this thread updated, I just don't think it's looking good, and it's hard to stay positive when I'm very much so in the dark from no communication.

<3

Try to stay positive ...
and keep thinking of a good outcome ... it helps ...


*hugs*

[LostHeart]

Well. It is over. His reason is just that he can't be in a relationship with me right now. I highly doubt we will remain friends.

I've gained some perspective on myself though. I've always been queer, and simply feel more as ease with other queer, gender bending, variant-esque, questioning people.

Thanks for all your hugs and advice.

[Laura_7]

Well. It is over. His reason is just that he can't be in a relationship with me right now. I highly doubt we will remain friends.

I've gained some perspective on myself though. I've always been queer, and simply feel more as ease with other queer, gender bending, variant-esque, questioning people.

Thanks for all your hugs and advice.

*hugs*

Do you want to elaborate a bit ?


*hugs*

[LostHeart]

not a whole lot to elaborate on laura, sadly. i asked him if he wanted me by his side through all of this. i was tired of being ignored, he said he wasn't he just didn't know what to say. said he's sad and misses me but told me not to wait for him, and he can't be in a serious relationship with me, and hopes i find someone who will treat me the way i treated him(meaning great obviously) no malice. he knows im hurt, i expressed that, wished him the best.

im' a strong believer that you fight for what you want/what you believe is right, and worth fighting for. but you can't fight for something if  the other person doesn't want it.

I'm ok, I think i just needed some closure.