Facial Changes on HRT after 1 year. what's reasonable?

[cindybc]

Hi shanetastic

Thanks again for your response. Since this is the first time I have come across young transpeople then of course it has got my attention and inquisitiveness.  I am interested in learning about how the younger folks feel and think and what patterns and options they take to adapting to this never before explored territory. It was scary enough for me and because I felt I had no time to loose I felt I needed to speed up the process by outing myself before I even began the hormones. It certainly has been an interesting experience to actually watch and feel all the changes. What I had dreamed of for so long was finally happening. I was lucky I was also was able to keep my job as Social Worker.

As for the family scene, yes I always dreamed of having a family more from a mothers perspective then I did as a fathers. Well I got married and had three children but it was a very unhappy circumstances, a horrid experience with my ex to tell the truth. Circumstances just kept deteriorating to the point that I feared it could end up costing someone's life so we went our own way. After that I partnered with another girl from the res and between the two of us we had 9 foster children go under our roof through the years. I still love kids and there isn't more I would love then to have foster children again. 

Well on Wednesday I am going for an interview as a volunteer support worker for Trans people. I have worked with recovering alcoholics, addicts, street people, abused moms and children, and mental health consumers but this is something i had always hoped to do some day to show my  gratitude for what I received from the very same people all those years ago. I am extremely sensitive to other people which can be an asset but also can leave me quite vulnerable to being hurt.  I imagine there will be some of the younger people there as well so, I Truly thank you all for all of the younger people here for being my teacher.

Cindy     

[shanetastic]

Hi shanetastic

Thanks again for your response. Since this is the first time I have come across young transpeople then of course it has got my attention and inquisitiveness.  I am interested in learning about how the younger folks feel and think and what patterns and options they take to adapting to this never before explored territory. It was scary enough for me and because I felt I had no time to loose I felt I needed to speed up the process by outing myself before I even began the hormones. It certainly has been an interesting experience to actually watch and feel all the changes. What I had dreamed of for so long was finally happening. I was lucky I was also was able to keep my job as Social Worker.

As for the family scene, yes I always dreamed of having a family more from a mothers perspective then I did as a fathers. Well I got married and had three children but it was a very unhappy circumstances, a horrid experience with my ex to tell the truth. Circumstances just kept deteriorating to the point that I feared it could end up costing someone's life so we went our own way. After that I partnered with another girl from the res and between the two of us we had 9 foster children go under our roof through the years. I still love kids and there isn't more I would love then to have foster children again. 

Well on Wednesday I am going for an interview as a volunteer support worker for Trans people. I have worked with recovering alcoholics, addicts, street people, abused moms and children, and mental health consumers but this is something i had always hoped to do some day to show my  gratitude for what I received from the very same people all those years ago. I am extremely sensitive to other people which can be an asset but also can leave me quite vulnerable to being hurt.  I imagine there will be some of the younger people there as well so, I Truly thank you all for all of the younger people here for being my teacher.

Cindy     

Hey again Cindy,

Yes my procrastination of homework is going excellent today because of the super interesting posts on here   But on any note, I think I can spot the big difference here from at least my perspective.  From what it seems like older people are more into the instant change and speeding of the process to some extent.  I can understand how not everyone would be the same here, but from what it seems like, once the whole ordeal with the family is sorted out, people are excited and especially ready to change after waiting so long as it seems. 

First off though, I don't have any specific way of defining an older person as to a younger person, it's all person in a sense. Also though, it seems to me as if older people can get away with the faster change because over the years they have accumulated more self acceptance and self esteem as it is.  This again is totally my perception and could be way way different from others.  The reason I say that, although; is because the very few limited people I have met who are young to an extent have wanted to wait until they have gotten some use out of the hormones before experimenting outside of their normal selves in a way.  I believe we are more critical of ourself and our flaws at a younger age because of the media, television, and so on as well.  The same can be said about older people too though I presume, just I don't think it bothers them as much.

That's all I can muster up about that for now from what I have noticed.  Also Cindy, I'm a sociology major and am going to try to go into social work if my grades and test scores don't get me into med school, that's my backup plan   So looks like we have something in common there.  I also volunteer at a homeless shelter a couple times a week and help the kids there on some free spare time I have.

[Rachael]

i dont quite know how you older people managed to wait, for me, it was as life and death as you described, i simply couldnt stay this pretend person anymore. my act was failing and hurting me. and i simply couldnt continue it.  It seems the attitudes of older transitioners and younger differs, to be expected id say. Older folk, and young folk dont EVER have the same views of things! this is just life, we deal with family in a much more dependent way, you deal from a different side. you can be atleast financially able! i didnt eat last week so i could pay for my medication and get a book for class... it sucks haveing to do this, not having any parents makes it worse, i stay in, while my classmates party, i stay at uni during birthdays (tomorrow) and probably christmas to come. i only have me in the world now. and its scary. I just knew i couldnt playact anymore. for better and for worse, i had to do this. Some of the comments on the forums are sickening, 'unpassable/older (not necesrily linked) people need grs BEFORE the younger and more passable types, SIMPLY because apparnetly, being younger, or more passable, means your dysphoria is much less, and you dont need the validation of having a correct body...
I burst into tears when i see my body i the shower, i avoid getting serious with boys, i cry myself to sleep most nights. its a disgusting thing and because i pass so well, and because im younger and possibly 'prettyer' to these people, its not an issue? whatever... imo its worse... it certainly looks more out of place...
and my fav comment ever:Younger transitioners have it easier.... BULL FRACKING *excrament* its just as hard, but attitudes make it 10 times worse...
R

[cindybc]

Hi Shantastic

I'm a sociology major and am going to try to go into social work

That's great, I pray it all works out for you, if it goes that you become a social worker please stay in touch I think we could probably have allot in common to talk about. If you are one that really cares for those who are less fortunate then you will find your work as social worker very fruitful.

I just decided to either go back working part time of volunteer because there just simply to much time of doing nothin, it's driving me nuts.  As for being youthful in nature "hee, hee" there have been a lot of people on Yahoo groups I go to who think I'm a big kid. 

Thanks for sharing

Cindy

[shanetastic]

Rachael I couldn't agree with you more oh my.

Also you have to be one of the younger ones who have it hard as he**.  I'm not dependent on my parents and never have been always incase they decided to disown me or kick me out or something, so I've always been prepared for that.  As for the whole waiting until older to transition, I couldn't agree with your statement more:

i dont quite know how you older people managed to wait, for me, it was as life and death as you described, i simply couldnt stay this pretend person anymore. my act was failing and hurting me. and i simply couldnt continue it.

That pretty much sums it up as well for me too.  Sure, I'm still living as a male, but I'm slowly changing into who I want and not pretending to be some lie and live this fake crappy life anymore.  Now I'm doing something about it to make myself happier for the rest of my life. 

As for the passing and being linked to the dysphoria is much less, I'm not exactly there, but I understand you though as well.  The problem is though, when we're young we can't offord like anything besides HRT, school, therapy, and a place to live.  Right now if my parents disowned me, that's all I would be able to offord, and even then that would be really hard when were young and have the crappy jobs that no one else wants for minimum wage. 

As for the everyone else having fun, and staying in while everyone is out enjoying themselves, this is another thing I can relate to.  For the time being I just have a difficult time relating to people, and whenever they're getting drunk or partying, I'm off working trying to earn money to support myself and pay for everything that is soon to come.  I'm here trying hard in school to get good grades so I can hopefully support myself fully sometime, while everyone else is just off not caring for the most part.

Younger transitioners don't exactly have it easier I know.  Therapy is ridiculously expensive, especially when they won't write you the letter for a freaking year, as is going to the doctor when it's not covered by insurance.  Weeks worth of pay just dissapear for the most part when I have to pay for this stuff.  Throw in car insurance, food, gas, school, books, and then it gets really difficult.  If my parents didn't pay for my tuition I would probably not be in school right now.

Posted on: October 22, 2007, 03:41:29 PM

Hi Shantastic

I'm a sociology major and am going to try to go into social work

That's great, I pray it all works out for you, if it goes that you become a social worker please stay in touch I think we could probably have allot in common to talk about. If you are one that really cares for those who are less fortunate then you will find your work as social worker very fruitful.

I just decided to either go back working part time of volunteer because there just simply to much time of doing nothin, it's driving me nuts.  As for being youthful in nature "hee, hee" there have been a lot of people on Yahoo groups I go to who think I'm a big kid. 

Thanks for sharing

Cindy

Hehe yeah, there's just one problem with sociology so far!  It hasn't said anything about TS people and their relation to society   I'm doing my sociol problems class this semester and when we got around to sexual orientation, it was all about the gay, lesbian, and bi groups.  Totally left us out!

[cindybc]

Hi Rachael

I understand what you mean by just no longer wanting to be a pretend person. To me in the end it was the male persona of my self that was fake. As to why we older folks waited so long is because there was little choice back just twenty years ago. There were very few therapists that dealt with   GID. There was little in the way of information to research the subject except at the library. Many had families they just couldn't leave, and sometimes it takes time for the trans person to make a break.

I know all about being homeless hon, I been there and done that. Actually it was from my being on the streets that encouraged me to become a Social Worker. I wanted to help others that I had once lived with. Crack addicts prostitutes and alcoholics, someone getting stabbed in the dark in some ally just for the bottle and the few goods the transient person had in his or her possession. Occurances like this were just the norm of things. See these are the type of set backs that may keep someone from transitioning. When you are fighting to survive you don't have a whole lot of time to think about the other.

I can't really tell you what the answer to your problem is except I would say getting employment somewhere should be first priority.

Cindy   

Posted on: October 22, 2007, 04:04:56 PMHi Shanetastic

Ya I know what you mean, the only time you hear about a trans person is on the news on TV when one of us gets the business end of a gun or knife. I really don't understand why those who have had successes are not spoken about more, except maybe that once they have graduated TS school they don't even want this part of their lives to resurface to the general public again.

I did quite fine working as a Social Worker while living seven years as Cindy but then I never broadcast the fact I was a trans person. 

Cindy 

[Rachael]

job isnt as necesry, my studdies are
R

[Tanya1]

That's what friends are there for though.  If they have any problems they can openly talk to me, and vise versa.  Of course, it's hard to find a friend like that because being open with people is really difficult and you have to have a lot of trust in that person I understand.

wow nice post guys.

Sorry for the sorta thread jacking Tanya, but I think this somewhat has to deal with transitioning

No!... KEEP GOING!- I like reading it- I'm going to post q's about your guys experiences- very interesting. Some of you have tough lifes. one of you is very emotional.

[shanetastic]

Haha I think were all done now sadly enough

[Rachael]

That's what friends are there for though.  If they have any problems they can openly talk to me, and vise versa.  Of course, it's hard to find a friend like that because being open with people is really difficult and you have to have a lot of trust in that person I understand.

wow nice post guys.

Sorry for the sorta thread jacking Tanya, but I think this somewhat has to deal with transitioning

No!... KEEP GOING!- I like reading it- I'm going to post q's about your guys experiences- very interesting. Some of you have tough lifes. one of you is very emotional.

shotgun not me!
R

[Kat]

Emotional? me? never

[cindybc]

Hi Kat, maybe we can cry on each others shoulders. 

Cynthia

[Ms.Behavin]

Well from this old one, I think everone of us goes thru four different hells just being us, weather young or old.  If there had been the information available back in the 70's and some means for a 16-17 year old to get treatment I would have transistion then.  I grew up in Savannah Ga, which to this day is less then friendly to the GLBT folks.  But I had no resources then and I mean none.

Yes there is more information now, but I think for a younger TS it's probably harder to transistion due to parents, school and the lack of money.  That can be rough as rough as loosing a wife, family and job that happens so some of the older types. 

In some ways I'm sad I did not do this far sooner, but in other ways, I agree that it can be easier to tansistion later in life.  In any event, I'm glad I'm me now.

Beni

[cindybc]

Hi, Beni,
You are quite correct, I learned that from the young folks on this group, the money situations and being rejected by family and school.

Actually those children have more integrity and responsibility then many number of regular student out there, not just in the tenacity of transitioning, but also to become who they believe or know they are.

About family, I believe they are the hardest to convince and accept who you are. They avoided me like the plague. Family for me turned out to be the most useless when it came for support. I had strangers come to support me when I first started out. A few strangers and a few friends that remained being supportive of me turned out to be the only support I had in the beginning and my manager at work was a sweetheart. But, family! nah! They disowned me.

Cindy

[Wing Walker]

Hi, Rachael,

This is a quote from your posting:

I burst into tears when i see my body i the shower, i avoid getting serious with boys, i cry myself to sleep most nights. its a disgusting thing and because i pass so well, and because im younger and possibly 'prettyer' to these people, its not an issue? whatever... imo its worse... it certainly looks more out of place...
and my fav comment ever:Younger transitioners have it easier.... BULL FRACKING *excrament* its just as hard, but attitudes make it 10 times worse...

I don't know that anyone really has it easier transitioning than anyone else.  It's all personal and relative.

When I was 51 I began transitioning because by that time I had confronted myself and everyone else I believed to be in the way of my transition to the real me.  I had a solid career, bills paid, education done, and I had married three times and divorced three times.  I served in the military and I was too old to be pressed into service except in the gravest of national emergencies (like having Bush in office isn't its own emergency), and I was supremely self-confident. 

I am not boasting, Rachael.  I am providing personal, anecdotal evidence that I believe that younger people don't have it easier when transitioning.  At your age there are many more variables for you to consider.  I have already considered a lot of mine so they were not at-issue.

The *only* thing that youth *might have over maturity in transitioning* is that the earlier one starts HRT, the more profound the effects are.  Me, at 56, I'm happy with who I am and what I look like.  Not bad for an old duck.

In my own way I am rooting for you, cheering you on.  If you ever need to collect on a cheer or need a listening ear, please post or write to me.  No one has it perfect or so easy that it's a snap.  When I look back on what I did I describe it as having flown through the sound barrier without benefit of an aircraft.

Please do stay steady.

Wing Walker