Quote from: Dena on March 28, 2017, 05:44:50 PM
If constructive criticism was always given, it would be another story but I feel the thread was often causing as much hurt as it was helpful. For a long time I thought the name of the thread should more like "How can I improve my image?" with restrictions limiting it to affordable solutions. Not all of us will be attractive or passable and those who are not need even more support from the site.
I never posted in that thread, because of past experience elsewhere ...
That said who posted there i thought were doing week, and some who had teh potential to to do well... and so I honestly thought needed FFS if they are wanted to be be able to blend well...
I think everyone should have a REALISTIC picture of where they are and what they need... Many important life decision during transition and afterwards require that to make good decisions.
I have met some over the years in person who passed very well but with POSITIVE they did not... and some who got read very often, who were convinced no one knew... Both are bad places to be IMO and can lead to a lot of heartbreak or worst...
The thing to remember is that these days there are a lot of places being readable does not mean being unemployable or a pariah socially as it once did (which is a good thing as more people are trans-aware so more can "read") , so it's more of what matters to you...
But IMO if blending seamlessly is important to you, you need to have a realistic view of yourself AND what the realistic possibilities are... If you have been on HRT for like 4-5 years at reasonable dosages, you most likely can't expect significant physical changes in the future. For better or worse that usually is pretty much it... without surgeries.
But I will give some advice...
Remember you can have a hard time really seeing teh new you too.
In general don't judge your passability by what other TSes say - particularly those early on... often (but not always) what they say is tied into their view of (or hopes for) themselves.
Also do not go by what non-TSes who knew you "before" or in general "know" say. They can either may not be able to see the new you, or they not want to hurt you or want to be politically correct.
The only really way to know is in new situations with new people that don't know ... a lot of that... Their reactions, when taken in their totality, is the best way to get realistic unbiased feedback, particulary non-verbal reactions. It's also the best way to know if one is improving.
- karen
