I don't like my face?

[Midnightstar]

It's strange....i was messing around with a beard app and the entire time i'm thinking, okay not me it's fine ill shave.
But whats bothered me is the image of my own face stuck in my head i keep staring at myself with questions like what will i end up looking like will i like it? and deep down in my mind i think i hate what i look like way more intensely then before. Even at the point where thinking about it or seeing my face in a mirror is creating dysphoria 
and i'm not completely why but this is about all the hints i got so far as to the possibility. I really don't like this feeling and i used to be able to look at myself and like my appearance just fine, i don't like this i don't understand why everything seems to be changing with how i see myself, i don't know why its gotten stronger. And i feel like testosterone could help and junes coming and as much as i want to grab the T i'm so, so freaked out still on my choices.

[Dena]

Until you have been on T for a while, you can't be sure what your face will end up looking like. In my therapy group we only had a few FTMs but when they started T they went from looking feminine to looking really handsome. I don't know what your face will look like but it's a pretty sure bet that it will not remain the same.

[Ms Grace]

Not to take away from the dysphoria you are feeling but I think you'll find a good 95% of the human race feels that way about their face at one time or another.

[Elis]

Not to sound harsh but I think it's something we just have to accept. I felt my face was ok looking pre T; too feminine obviously; but not totally unattractive. But now 6 months on T I'm still waiting to become 'handsome' like other trans men I see. I like how I now look male; but there's seems to be something unattractive about how I look. Maybe a built up too much expectation or maybe I'm one of the unlucky ones who has to wait a bit longer or maybe it's simply all I'm my head. But I'd rather look like this than my old female self. I'd say try not to worry about what you'll look like; as long as you look male it'll be worth it; right?

[Midnightstar]

Not to take away from the dysphoria you are feeling but I think you'll find a good 95% of the human race feels that way about their face at one time or another.

To be honest i don't think you're taking away from it but i don't think it matters what it is anymore
I just don't know what to think about everything, i'm just not certain. Being trans made me really debate a lot
on how i'm feeling and why. I'm still learning how to cope with everything and figure things out for myself.

[Midnightstar]

Not to sound harsh but I think it's something we just have to accept. I felt my face was ok looking pre T; too feminine obviously; but not totally unattractive. But now 6 months on T I'm still waiting to become 'handsome' like other trans men I see. I like how I now look male; but there's seems to be something unattractive about how I look. Maybe a built up too much expectation or maybe I'm one of the unlucky ones who has to wait a bit longer or maybe it's simply all I'm my head. But I'd rather look like this than my old female self. I'd say try not to worry about what you'll look like; as long as you look male it'll be worth it; right?

I don't know 

[Midnightstar]

Until you have been on T for a while, you can't be sure what your face will end up looking like. In my therapy group we only had a few FTMs but when they started T they went from looking feminine to looking really handsome. I don't know what your face will look like but it's a pretty sure bet that it will not remain the same.

Its alright, i don't think anyone would know
Thanks, though really..

[Elis]

I don't know

It's good to remember you don't have to be on T for life. It's considered the 'norm' by medical professionals and most trans people;  but why should it. Yeah some changes are permanent but fat redistribution will go back to how it was; which is the most obvious change.
I went to a nb group sat and there was a person there who took T for years but then decided to stop as they learned they're more comfortable living as a nb person; even though they miss some of the changes. So there are other options.

[Mariah]

When we go on hormones, no matter which kind, we can never predict how it will completely affect our body's. It will affect some more than others. They won't affect the bone structure but can help move the fat our bodies have around. This can help make your face your angular. The thought of beard and even seeing one on your face with an app now maybe unpleasant because after all your still looking at the shape pre T. You may find that after T that you might like some facial, or complete beard with mustache or none at all. It may change on the mood or how you feel. My face has come along way since being on hormones and yours can and will too. Hormones affect the whole body and even can affect our moods or how we view ourselves. Your just starting out and all those unknowns can be frustrating. For me when I first got started, much like many, the mirror wasn't my friend. I saw the old face despite the makeup and hairstyle, but over time that changed. Yes hormones did help with that, but also my mental state after being in therapy awhile did too. Things take time and need to be given a chance. All of us are a work in progress so hang in there. Life is an adventure and we can never know where it is going to take us and our transitions or different. They can be wild, fun and frustrating all at the same time sometimes. Your only starting out so please give yourself a chance. Hugs
Mariah

[Peep]

I get this feeling a bit as well. i think it comes from over-analysing. Before i started transitioning i hardly ever studied my own face, just glanced in the mirror to check i had no food on it! Now i keep trying to guess what'll happen and what won't.

I know it's hard to stop thinking about it once you start, but because i know that aging and T, and weight loss etc can change the way i look unpredictably, it's all a mystery anyway, and worrying about it won't change it. That thought process is easier said that done though >.>

Try to cross the bridges as you come to them. If you can't change the way your face looks, maybe try finding something you can change and focus on that

[invisiblemonsters]

i felt this a way a good year+ into testosterone. that is because i was on a low dose and my levels still weren't in the male range, so i felt like my changes were coming slowly and i was just not attractive. now i'm two years on T and i like how my face looks. the beard app + how your current face looks is not a good indicator of how you will look so of course you'd feel the way you feel because i would too. hell, i would still feel that way with a beard app because it seems unrealistic to me and real facial hair makes you look SO much different then how the beard app does imo.

honestly, just give things time. you will probably still hate how you look even when you are on T because some people get puffy faces for a bit. however, when that goes away and your face starts to look more masculine, you will see a total change. look at before and after pics, you will definitely see a change if you still feel that way on T.

[Midnightstar]

It's good to remember you don't have to be on T for life. It's considered the 'norm' by medical professionals and most trans people;  but why should it. Yeah some changes are permanent but fat redistribution will go back to how it was; which is the most obvious change.
I went to a nb group sat and there was a person there who took T for years but then decided to stop as they learned they're more comfortable living as a nb person; even though they miss some of the changes. So there are other options.

Yea, i'm sure it'll be fine in the end
just one of them days

[Midnightstar]

I get this feeling a bit as well. i think it comes from over-analysing. Before i started transitioning i hardly ever studied my own face, just glanced in the mirror to check i had no food on it! Now i keep trying to guess what'll happen and what won't.

I know it's hard to stop thinking about it once you start, but because i know that aging and T, and weight loss etc can change the way i look unpredictably, it's all a mystery anyway, and worrying about it won't change it. That thought process is easier said that done though >.>

Try to cross the bridges as you come to them. If you can't change the way your face looks, maybe try finding something you can change and focus on that

Yep! i never worried about it before, i agree i'm over thinking.

[Midnightstar]

i felt this a way a good year+ into testosterone. that is because i was on a low dose and my levels still weren't in the male range, so i felt like my changes were coming slowly and i was just not attractive. now i'm two years on T and i like how my face looks. the beard app + how your current face looks is not a good indicator of how you will look so of course you'd feel the way you feel because i would too. hell, i would still feel that way with a beard app because it seems unrealistic to me and real facial hair makes you look SO much different then how the beard app does imo.

honestly, just give things time. you will probably still hate how you look even when you are on T because some people get puffy faces for a bit. however, when that goes away and your face starts to look more masculine, you will see a total change. look at before and after pics, you will definitely see a change if you still feel that way on T.

Yea i figured that i would get bad effects for a little and in time like it.
I can't wait to be able to do before and after pics...i don't know i'm strange ;p

[FtMitch]

When we go on hormones, no matter which kind, we can never predict how it will completely affect our body's. It will affect some more than others. They won't affect the bone structure but can help move the fat our bodies have around. This can help make your face your angular. The thought of beard and even seeing one on your face with an app now maybe unpleasant because after all your still looking at the shape pre T. You may find that after T that you might like some facial, or complete beard with mustache or none at all. It may change on the mood or how you feel.

This is a really good point.  To be 100% honest, I am not so sure that my face has changed a whole lot since I've been on T the last 7 months, but when I look into a mirror I like what I see a LOT more, mostly because the T has affected me mentally a lot.  I was really depressed before T, as in on some hardcore medication and diagnosed as bipolar, and after taking testosterone I no longer had to take anything--I woke up every day happy in a way I hadn't been for the past ten years of my life.  It was like the hormones balanced out what all the different meds they'd stuck me on over the years didn't.  It has made me a lot happier with the way I look, too.  Sure, I would prefer to look like a movie star or whatever, but I just don't care anywhere near as much as I did six months ago.  And when I look into a mirror, I no longer search for everything possibly wrong--I just glance in the mirror, acknowledge my reflection, and move on. I really feel like it's the hormones that have gotten me to this new place.  So don't forget that it's not just your appearance the T effects!

[FtMitch]

This is a really good point.  To be 100% honest, I am not so sure that my face has changed a whole lot since I've been on T the last 7 months, but when I look into a mirror I like what I see a LOT more, mostly because the T has affected me mentally a lot.  I was really depressed before T, as in on some hardcore medication and diagnosed as bipolar, and after taking testosterone I no longer had to take anything--I woke up every day happy in a way I hadn't been for the past ten years of my life.  It was like the hormones balanced out what all the different meds they'd stuck me on over the years didn't.  It has made me a lot happier with the way I look, too.  Sure, I would prefer to look like a movie star or whatever, but I just don't care anywhere near as much as I did six months ago.  And when I look into a mirror, I no longer search for everything possibly wrong--I just glance in the mirror, acknowledge my reflection, and move on. I really feel like it's the hormones that have gotten me to this new place.  So don't forget that it's not just your appearance the T effects!

And it's only been a month since I last posted to this thread, and now I look in the mirror and think I look hot!  The T finally started to kick in and shape my face in a masculine way, and I am seriously feeling sexier and sexier every day!  So you really do have to just hope for the best AND give it plenty of time!  I swear I feel like I've changed more in the face in a single month than in the past 6!

[RaptorChops]

Mitch I have to say you look incredible in your profile pic. Your face is definitely shaping out a lot faster than mine did. It's a huge difference from your last profile pic. COngrats

[AnxietyDisord3r]

A good reminder that T takes time and you need to be patient. I feel like my face is finally starting to change, too. I sure don't look like Mitch but it is an improvement.

What hasn't been mentioned, Midnightstar, but might help is that sometimes if we correct one thing we're dysphoric about, something else will come to the forefront. For me, I'm now looking at my hips when I didn't care so much before. Let's say you changed your clothing and haircut, but your face still looks womanly/babyface. It's natural to get really down about that.

What other people said about female body + hair triggering dysphoria is true. Before I had top surgery I used to see guys with chest hair, imagine it on my chest, and get grossed out and angry. Now my chest is flat and I'm ready for the hair. When you get a beard coming in your face will look different already so it won't look like the app.

Funny thing about hair, I seem to be getting hairy Celtic knuckles first. I mean, who asked for that?