Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!

[Rachel_Christina]

Id guess you sassed "him" just as bad Jerrica! Haha

[SarahElizabeth1981]

That's great. It really shows how much we can change when we transition. it give me hope as I still see so much of my former self when I look at myself in a mirror. A lot less if I have make up and a wig on but I still see it. I'm so happy to have hormones so that I can really make him disappear.

so i'm pretty sure I would have menitoned that I wear breast forms and have for most of this year. I have three sets now. I had another but they didn't hold up well and I tossed them. Anyway, my latest forms are a bra style so they have bra straps. They are a 40 C on me if anyone is curious. But there are these little plastic clips that hold the various straps together. They held up fine for the longest time and then on broke and I patched it back together with some surgical tape. Then another one broke and I did the same thing. now they just keep breaking and it's driving me crazy. I wear a bra to sort of push them together otherwise they hang off the sides of my chest a bit much. Anyway, if any of you have any clever ideas of what I could do that would be great. i don't really want to replace them yet as I figure i will have to downsize as my chest develops. I don't really want to get any bigger.

Tasha, I'm there in spirit to support you. As jenny we are here if you need anything. take care girls love you all

[Rebecca]

Haha Christine I did laugh and agree I had heard he wasn't very good at his job. Gave them my card and told them to call if they have any problems. Very professional

No experience of breast forms but currently wear a 38B push up plunge "enhancer" (padded) bra.

Is it possible to combine smaller forms with a padded bra?

I like to imagine the matrix effect with the body echoing my mind as my mind was restored my body has tried to reform. Diet, hormones, skincare, hydration, maintenance, fashion and makeup are purely coincidental ofc.

I'm sure you will all have an amazing time with hormones after all you saw what I was given to work with and seem to have turned out ok so far

[Rebecca]

First full on mega night out!!!

Practice run of sorts as my Christmas night out is next Saturday. Never been dancing etc so wanted to go experience it in advance so there would be no surprises and my super secret plan for Christmas night out was to get hit on. Trashy but true I want to feel wanted sexually. So wanted to glam up and try to turn a head or two...

Anyhoo back to my practice run tonight friend I was going to go with let me down big time but my sis stepped in which then became her and her hubby (who I love to bits ofc) then his sis and her hubby come too. So from being alone for town I'm in a group of 5 but we're there to have fun so I don't actually feel 5th wheelish.

Lovely meal and several drinks then off to a club as they all know that's what I'm really after "The Dancin'". After worrying about dancing I really shouldn't have as by god my body loves to move. It's like I knew every word to every song and dancing like there was no tomorrow. Could have done it all night. It was sooooo much fun and apparently I was attracting admirers which my gentleman friends were intercepting and moving me around to prevent them engaging almost getting into fisticuffs in the process!!!

Best of intentions but y'know I wanted the attention.

They laughed and said I could totally tick getting hit on off my list, mission definitely accomplished lol.

One bold guy managed to get close enough to dance with me so we did for a bit. My first dance with a random guy complete with twirls etc. Naturally I know a dance is as far as I'm going so after a min or 2 I let him go and switch back to one of my friends and he moves on.

I'm so ready for next week but the girls from work have a lot of work ahead of them to get even close to tonight's fun

[SarahElizabeth1981]

That's great Jerrica. I'm glad you had fun. when I went out a couple weeks ago for my friends b-day that was my first experience have guys whistle and holler at me. there was also a table full of guys next to us that sat there and stared at all of us girls at our table. I gave them a nice view of me shaking my booty. hahaha I've always thought men were pigs and they so are.. not that i'm complaining. I loved it.

not a whole lot else going on with me. I have these really mild headaches for days. they aren't that bad and they sort of come and go. I know they can be a side effect the estrogen. I just hope it's just from my body getting used to it and that it eventually goes away.

I hope you girls are doing good

[Rebecca]

The headaches sound horrible but the attention is fun.

Like I said to my sis for now it has novelty value and it is nice to experience guys trying to win you over. Pretty sure I was sending out bitch in heat vibes despite the fact I couldn't possibly deliver. Guess that makes me tease but I can live with that.

Takes thoughts to a whole new level though as sex with a guy moves from no chance and don't care to gimme!!!!!

God help me in May when I should be capable of going all the way. For now my mismatched bits still screw with me but as soon as I'm "normal" my inhibitors will be removed leaving me open to anything and everything life can offer me.

Gonna be a fun year ahead.

[Rebecca]

Potential good news from Chet it looks like I can still take my Spiro before and after (just until I get my E again).

You must stop taking aspirin or any blood thinner medication, estrogen hormone, all NSAID drugs: for example, Ibuprofen (Advil), Diclofenac (Votaren) at least 2 weeks before traveling.

That is all it says apart from a smoking warning that doesn't apply to me.

Just to be 100% I have emailed for specific confirmation as I wouldn't want to risk my surgery by being anything less than completely obedient to any instructions but as it doesn't say it.....

Given the major trauma that having T in my system can cause this could be just the reassurance I need as I fear 3 weeks with my ridiculously fast healing speed could cause a lot of damage to me before surgery and even threaten my mind with that size of time window.

Also trying to change to the Rama as I think the wee cottages look nice and I love the idea of wandering about the gardens talking to the cats if I get lonely instead of being stuck in my hotel room.

[Rachel_Christina]

Its funny it doesn't matter, who or what its is, attention is attention :3
I had that the first day I went my therapist.
Oh, and a week after the lasser, tones of hair started falling out, its disgusting but really good news!
Can't wait for the next session.

[Rebecca]

Fantastic news hon.

I keep getting told I've lost loads of hair etc but it's that way I only see what's left I don't notice what's gone.
Think my memory keeps rewriting itself so I can't remember bad things but I like it. If I'm honest about it I've got a lot less hair than most women which is pretty cool but I want it all gone for bikini season apart from a well maintained pubic area (design TBA after surgery).

Oh yeah attention is so nice especially THAT kind of attention as I find it really flattering and validating right now. It's one thing to live and be treated as a normal girl day to day but after dark the world changes. Given we all have fears of being somehow called out it's really reassuring to know people only see a normal girl that they find sexually attractive. For now at least I'm loving the attention as it feeds part of me that really needs to be fed in a way I've never felt before.

Next challenge to be chatted up and bought a drink by a good looking guy.
Roll on Saturday....

[Rachel_Christina]

Well I have no hair bar standard female paterns, and a we bit around my face, its really annoying, but ther is very little for a normal 26 year old.
I have less arm pit hair then my gf.
Body hair was always non existent. So lucky.
You will have fun next year girl when you are all healed up and ready to roll!
It must be nice!

[Rebecca]

I'm constantly amazed tbh I've defo been way lucky from the way my body was messed up before but so right now.
Stuff that wasn't right for a guy (very little body hair, feminised body etc) make so much more sense now.

When I think about my own timeline I'm kinda shocked from beginning to end in just over 12 months.
Such a short space of time but seems so long ago.

I'm a wee bit ahead but I cheat 

We've all had a great 2016 and 2017 going to be awesome for us all.

[Jenny0713]

Guess what girls?  I met someone!  Met a great lady on one of the dating sites. We haven't met in person yet but we have been texting back and forth constantly. We are finding we have lots in common and are getting along great so far. I can't wait to meet her. She lives here in the Denver area. Nice to think there is someone out there that wants me to be the girly one in the relationship. We are having lots of fun so far talking. Wish me luck.


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[Rachel_Christina]

Its really strange that ins't it Jerrica? I always wonder about it! I wonder was it truely god that help me who prayed everyday, or was it my will power that worked in my favour, I can never undertand.

And great news Jenny!! That sounds real exciting!
Do update us all!

[Rebecca]

Good news indeed Jenny 

Yeah I know what you mean Christine it's always interesting am I the way I am because of my body or vice versa.
You can cook your brain thinking about it at times lol
I like the idea that my body can reflect my mind to a degree.

Either way the only thing I know for sure is I am alive and in control of my life now.
The rest of this life is going to be fun.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

that's so great Jerrica. I'm a little jealous but I will get there. I'm just anxiously waiting to start seeing changes from the hormones. after starting the blockers my sex drive diminished quite a bit but since he double the dose and added the estrogen. it's just about gone. Which makes tucking even easier.

Like you jerrica I've never been very hairy but now I wish it was all gone. waxing works for a while but I hate is so much when it starts to show up again.

That's great you are seeing a reduction Christine.

That's cool you met someone Jenny. I'm on a couple dating sites but don't really do much on them. most of the women that show any interest in me are women that are in relationships and either want someone on the side or someone to join them. neither of which interest me.

  if you recall me talking about a trans girl that I had a crush on... I saw her last night and long story short she is de-transitioning and going back to being a boy. I still like her and she doesn't look or sound any different to me but I'm so confused I don't know what to do with my feelings. I have no interest in being with a man. She's planning on moving away for a few months so I might have some time to figure it out before I see her again. thanks for talking with me about it last night jerrica. *hugs* 

[Jenny0713]

Wow Sarah. That's quite a dilemma. I hope you can sort it out. I got totally licking on the site I was on. She contacted me because she likes trans women. We are hitting it off pretty well so far. We have lots in common and get along great.

It's late here. Talk to you later.


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[Rebecca]

Hey Sarah I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and happy to talk anytime hon. Changes can be sneaky as I'm impatient as hell I just didn't check as I assumed it would be a glacial pace if any changes after all it looked like a guys body when I got back. Then from time to time I'd notice things eventually (Hello breasts I mean like seriously they just were kinda suddenly there lol). Seeing me in the mirror just got easier day by day even if I couldn't explain how. My before and now pic really hammered it all home as I hadn't really though much had happened.

It's all a process really we've done the hard part without knowing it before we decided. As for any jealousy firstly thank you as I consider that a massive compliment    and more importantly nothing to be jealous of really apart from cheating the time lines a bit. As always given your profile pic (that I still love btw) you're gonna do amazing.

As for interest in guys or gals it's clichéd but try not to worry about it as it will take care of itself. If someone told me I'd be interested in guys earlier this year I'd have considered it absurd but then again this whole year would have been thought to be impossible so never say never I guess.

In the end the heart and body will want what they want and it'll be up to your mind to work out something acceptable that has a real chance of working.

All I'll say to all of you is be careful with your hearts it's called a crush because of how often we feel crushed by it later and dunno about yous but I had zero experience dealing with that before the guy at work so it really put me through the grinder until I grew up enough to handle it a bit better. Emphasis on a bit but a bit is enough even the pain of heartache has it's place in my life. Good or bad I need to feel it all no picking or choosing.

[Jenny0713]

Unfortunately, my date didn't work out. Turned out she was extremely clingy and I couldn't breath. The date literally lasted 24 hours. I basically realized I am not ready for another relationship and I need to continue to take care of myself. I actually feel better now even though I probably broke her heart. I feel bad about that but I think it better to end it early than later. It just wasn't right for me. I am not even sure I want to continue looking. I think I was really getting to like my independence and was not ready to give it up. After all, that is one of the main reasons I left my ex in the first place. I have to take care of me and only me for now.


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[SarahElizabeth1981]

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you Jenny. when I started transitioning I wasn't all that interested in a relationship. I had other things to deal with. I've gotten more interested since but feel terribly self conscious about approaching women.

I keep forgetting to mention a couple girlfriends kept inviting me to join them at the gym. I wasn't terribly interested at the time. That's changed so I went there to see how they would deal with a transgender women such as myself. Long story short everything is ok and I signed up. I haven't had a chance to go yet but I will. I think you go to gym or something Jerrica how do you do it? what's your experience been?

[Rebecca]

Sorry to hear about the date Jenny but glad it's helped you realise what you want for now.

For the gym same as everywhere I didn't explain a thing just everything changed. When I first started going I looked like and sounded like a fat old guy in baggy stuff but gradually changed to fit then really skinny guy in constantly tightening clothes. I did approach my instructor after a class when she used the ladies and gentlemen with me in the class to just consider me as one of the girls and to this day it's simply "Ok ladies..." always feels good to hear.

Then it got harder for people to tell as I switched to ladies running gear in black lycra from top to toe. Finally more and more pink plus my top had an integrated bra which filled at it's own pace. At some point I was overwhelmed by the need to connect with my other exclusively female classmates. By this point I identified as Jerri and was simply accepted into the pack.

At some point I randomly threw into conversation "I know you guys know already but yeah I'm changing" a couple of good for yous then back to our normal gabbing.

A week or so ago I told them I don't use Jerri any more just Jerrica which was accepted without question as they all knew why there was no reason to explain.

Nowadays everyone just sees another woman going to the gym all lycra'd up and looking good apart from the GINORMOUS BELLY  (It's barely noticeable tbh but I want it gone anyway lol)

One thing that did screw with me significantly was my tuck coming loose by the end of class. Now this didn't bother me at first as everyone knew my "before" but as I changed more and more my annoyance and personal embarrassment increased exponentially. Fortunately I was petite when not activated so even after it slipped it was barely noticeable but to me I might as well have had a baguette stuffed in my knickers.

Following a recent change to high leg briefs I find my tuck is actually a lot more stable and had zero slips since. Given the intensity of my workouts with all the leaps and flying around that's impressive.

Ultimately most people will either not notice, not care or just not make a fuss. The awkwardness if you feel any is ours. It's one of the things I look forward to the most about surgery is removing that worry forever.

No delicate way to put it but if your lumpy bits are secure and/or you are comfortable and confident then you'll be fine. Same as everywhere else it's not really our looks that can flag us but our own panic sets off invisible alarm bells that draw attention to us.

I live in a stealthish world I've no secrets but I loathe anything that could flag me as anything other than 100% female.

I'm sure you'll have a great time at the gym and hope my fears don't become yours but that kinda recaps my experiences.