Taking hormones, while hiding

[yokosoko]

So this might seem counter-intuitive, but I've decided I cannot wait anymore to start taking hormones, lest the older I get, the less i'll benefit from it.

Having said that, I'm not in a position where the fact that i'm doing this be known. Mostly because I might be disowned, and with little to my name at present, I can't afford to "just come out" at this time. Complete Independence is something i'm working towards, but not something available to me at present.

Having defined my current situation, I wanted to know, if I started HRT, how noticeable would the changes be? I'm hoping I can offset physical body changes with baggier clothes, and facial changes with a new skincare regimen or something. Anyway people have recently commented that I "look" different lately but i'm not doing anything, other than perhaps carrying myself in a more femenine manner? Perhaps? Growing my hair out a bit, and being more particular in my appearance.

The benefit I suppose, is that i've always come off as weird or abnormal, even to my family, so they've probably just brushed off or assumed that this is another one of my quirks. Never thought being the eccentric one in the family would have its benefits xD .

Anyway would love to know  your thoughts!

[Cindy]

It always sounds a great idea!

One of the things about HRT is the response to them vary so much. OK I managed 3 months before there was no way. My brain and my emotions had adjusted. My skin was different, including laser. My boobs! OK they are small but no way did I want to hide them. See above for brain and emotion changes.

There are members who have successfully hidden their changes. But I have to admit the two who I know well have strong personalities and are in a position to control their lives.


In your situation, How about having a plan B and a plan C, easier to make them sooner than later.

[Rafaela]

I'm on the same bus and the general consensus seems to be that you can fly under the radar for as long as you want...

[Chloe]

It always sounds a great idea!

DITTO! It's not really about "how one dresses" If presenting nominally 'male' there's no greater satisfaction than the occasional mistaken 'ma'am"! Oops your bad not mine!!

[AnonyMs]

I've been doing it for about 8 years, 6 on low dose HRT, 2 on full.

I've kept facial hair, I can dress how I want (baggy clothes and all), I don't get out much so I've relatively limited exposure to others, and the people I live with know what I'm doing. No sports, no swimming, etc. Your success may vary depending on how your breasts develop. I can't complain there, and I still manage to hide it all.

I live as male, and I've kept my male mannerisms. The one time I noticed that started changing I had to make a conscious effort to change it back.

I'm relatively happy with all this, but others may not be. Its one one of the things someone noticed, that I was happy for a change. I'm starting to find the hiding oppressive though, and I'm getting quite sick of it.

In your situation, How about having a plan B and a plan C, easier to make them sooner than later.

I very much agree with this.

[April_TO]

As Cindy mentioned, it depends on how fast your body and mind responds to the hormonal treatment. A few of us including myself couldn't handle the mental impact of being on HRT. I felt I was compelled to go FT right away. However, our circumstances are different.

If you are going to do this, make sure you are mentally prepared for its impact.

All the best xo

[yokosoko]

Wow it seems like mental impact may be more of a big deal than physical.

With regards to physical, I've been (I guess the best word is "camp-ish but not really. Just somewhat effeminate in my mannerisms and whatnot) so I don't know if that will create a big difference.

Breasts aside, I'm not much of a sports person anyway and I hate swimming so no problem there . Most of my "athletic side" is walking, machines and exercise classes. I'm hoping I can pass of the other changes as a skincare routine

With regards to the emotional side... Im not one to speak much of myself, but I've been told (and I consider myself) a high functioning individual with relatively good ability to manage/control my mind. I'm also fully aware that going FT would have extremely severe socio-economic impacts. There's no question about it. I'm Indian, living In a highly judge mental, and interconnected society, where I do not only represent myself but my family. Furthermore i just started work in the family business, which will hopefully be very lucrative, allowing me to set money aside for a plan b and c.

I'm hoping knowing all this will allow me to keep the emotional side of hrt in check.

On that note how long did it take before you started seeing emotional effects.


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[RobynD]

For me, changes came pretty rapidly. Both physical and mental. I had long presented myself as a feminine male, but hormones made things a lot different. People noticed fairly quickly. Mannerisms, attitude and emotions began to align themselves with my authentic gender.

As they say YMMV, just be prepared either way.

[yokosoko]

YMMV?

Well I'm hoping to start on a low dose, and move up as I gain more control of my life


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[RobynD]

Sorry that stands for "Your mileage may vary"

My rapid changes occurred on low dose (my dose has only been raised once and i also added progesterone). Again everyone is different, just prepare for changes either way. ( you want some of those  )

[KyleeKrow]

For me, probably the first things that people noticed were skin changes and boobs. Was kinda tricky hiding those things at first. I think with the HRT I became much more relaxed though and just stopped caring.

[rikki88]

I will say when I first started hrt no one noticed a thing. But a month after my sisters started noticing things. My one sister when I told her a month and a half after I started said she noticed that I was getting breasts but she wrote it off as ok maybe I was gaining weight. Now I'm able to hide everything better no one really notices but I know eventually they will lol. If you are really worried about passing get a sports bra. I use padded ones it helps flatten the Brest buds so it doesn't look like your nipples are always hard lol Or that they are really pointy.

[luna nyan]

My current record is now at two years low dose on oral meds, two on implants (effectively low end of transition doses).  I suspect that I'm one of the individuals Cindy mentioned and yes, I'm stubborn as a mule when needs be and career wise I'm in a good position.

It is possible to hide changes but you will need to be selective about what you wear and what you do.  How difficult the changes are to hide will boil down to how you develop and that will be entirely unpredictable.  Give your youth, there may be a higher risk of outing yourself early if you go on HRT, even at low dose so make sure you have plans you can action on should the worse come to worse.

The bigger issue is emotional changes - going on HRT is a slippery slope and you may very well end up rushing into transition before you're fully prepared, which, from what you've said, may not be the best thing for you in the short to medium term.

In short: not a bad idea, but make sure you have plans should the worse happen.

Good luck regardless of your decision, not an easy place to be in.

[yokosoko]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I think I may have underplayed significantly the emotional component. Or that even on low doses can produce significant changes. You've given me much to think about.

The good news is, I don't currently have access to hormones (I live in Indonesia where this is a no go). I need to get my medical care in Singapore, and have yet to setup the appropriate infrastructure. But now at least I can keep your advice in mind as I work towards that, and adjust accordingly.

In the meantime I'm working on everything else I can , I'm 3-4 laser sessions in (fortunately I get a heat rash when I let my body hair grow out and I'm severely probe to Ingrown hair, so it's the perfect excuse! I even have reccomendations from dermatologists that hair removal is the prescribed course of action).

I've also grown my hair out in my youth and only cut it due to balding. However I've discovered propecia and rogaine recently, and am starting to recover it. So that should keep my hair intact until hormones, and I live an extremely healthy lifestyle

Not much else I think I can do right?


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[Dankster]

That's my game plan. I'm currently 19 months into hrt and still living as a man. I didn't comeout to my immediate family until 7 months and the changes didn't start becoming difficult to hide until about a year in. With just my normal man voice and and some facial hair, I still get gendered male. So I can do it for a bit longer.

[yokosoko]

Good to hear from someone that's managed it for this long!


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[rachel_grr]

I've been doing it for about 8 years, 6 on low dose HRT, 2 on full.

How were you able to be approved to go on low dosage HRT for so long? Did you stay potent (as in able to have bio kids) during this time? I'd like to go on as high of a dosage as possible while still keeping my ability to have biological kids. I've actually talked to 3 therapists to start by going on HRT for just the short term, but they didn't seem to jump on the idea, but it could also be that they're not very experienced.

Anyways, figured the OP could benefit from your answer as well (not trying to hijack your thread!)

[luna nyan]

How were you able to be approved to go on low dosage HRT for so long? Did you stay potent (as in able to have bio kids) during this time? I'd like to go on as high of a dosage as possible while still keeping my ability to have biological kids. I've actually talked to 3 therapists to start by going on HRT for just the short term, but they didn't seem to jump on the idea, but it could also be that they're not very experienced.

Anyways, figured the OP could benefit from your answer as well (not trying to hijack your thread!)

I'll jump on this one.
YMMV as always.

If the dose is low enough, chances are Tab A will still manage to fit Slot B.  The wrigglers however, do reduce quite significantly and may not allow for unassisted biological kids.  The old advice of banking before starting isn't a bad one.

As for going on low dose HRT, it was 10 years between when I last saw my therapist.  Went back to my referring GP, told him I wanted to either go on a blocker or onto E, and the next thing I knew was that I had an endo referral in my hands.

My case history was well established by the time I wanted to go on HRT so there was no issue as far as being on HRT without social transition

[warlockmaker]

I was a very gregarious Alpha male and was on full regimen HRT for three years. No one suspected, I did have comments on my youthful appearance and nice facial skin.  I also was doing electrolysis.

My mind kinda wanted to change so I  wore more androgenous clothing, let my hair grow. I was a speaker at financial conference and had a pony tail .. quite amusing..but no one even noticeced ..thought I was eccentric .  Sport was ok.. I wore a double lycra top which squashed my boobs. But swimming in my clubs pool was out of the question . Like Anony says it's quite easy to pass as a male  but our minds tend to make us dress and behave more feminine

[AnonyMs]

I've been doing it for about 8 years, 6 on low dose HRT, 2 on full.

How were you able to be approved to go on low dosage HRT for so long?

I didn't get approved. I'm not asking anyone's permission how to live my life if I can avoid it. Having said that, I recently saw a psych for gender related depression and getting approval to live like this is not a problem in Sydney. The good ones are very accepting and only care about your best interests.  I expect that as long as you are  sane and understand what you are doing then you can do whatever you want; there's no religious/moral judgement. I didn't know any of this at the time, and had read far to many horror stories from other places; knowing what I do now I'd strongly recommend doing it the official way in Sydney, its easy and fast and you'll get far more powerful HRT. No doubt its safer as well.

Did you stay potent (as in able to have bio kids) during this time? I'd like to go on as high of a dosage as possible while still keeping my ability to have biological kids.

No idea, I didn't try. If you want to keep fertility all bets are off once you start HRT. As far as I know there's no scientific evidence for what your chances are at any level of HRT. Some people are lucky, others are not. There's plenty of people who can't have children even without HRT. To avoid disappointment I'd be looking at children before starting (and disclosing you're trans status to your partner beforehand), and/or sperm storage.

I've actually talked to 3 therapists to start by going on HRT for just the short term, but they didn't seem to jump on the idea, but it could also be that they're not very experienced.

It you're only after letters you might want to think about what you tell them next time. If you've a bad psych they only want to hear the standard trans narrative.