100% male but effeminate?

[jossam]

When I describe my gender identity I say I'm completely male (as opposed to some other types of trans identities and genderqueer people). It means I desire an entirely male body, full transition, with all the "right equipment" (although I don't know if it will ever be possible in my lifetime to get a convincing, working bottom surgery that I'm ok with). So, inside, I'm 100% male. What is not 100% "stereotypically male" though is my taste in fashion/looks. I guess it has a lot to do with the rock and also goth fashion. I like black eyeliner and mascara and wear them sometimes when I'm not too lazy (a female friend taught me and I have a lot of female friends and family members, so watching them do that stuff made me learn fast).
There are tons of examples of cis men with that kind of makeup, in rock and metal bands, 80s bands, etc. Maybe some men who are not into certain subcultures wear some eyeliner too, I don't know.

The problem is I'm pre everything, and while I pass as a young guy most of the time, I still feel insecure. Lack of facial hair is what usually makes people wonder, and the androgynous voice. I don't care, I still wear eyeliner if I want to, only stupid people question someone's identity based on some makeup. Also, it's not really people the problem, but it's what I see in the mirror. My face is already masculine, but I certainly wouldn't mind some more masculinization and a more adult look.

I don't like labels, but just to clarify, can I say I have a gender non-conforming expression? Most people still think it's not ok for a guy to wear eyeliner, mascara and nail polish like some guys into some subcultures do. It pisses me off as I wish people stopped trying to make trans people fit into stereotypical male/female gender expression bs. I used to have more narrow minded views on it, but gosh, I love the dark look black eyeliner and black mascara give me, especially if I'm also wearing black clothes. And I don't care people think no guy should ever wear eyeliner. I'm tired of being in the closet about makeup too 
I still would never wear makeup the way women do lol, because I don't like it and I'm not into girly things like that. I guess I don't consider the type of makeup style I like feminine, because as I said, guys who are into certain subcultures and fashion styles wear it and no, they're not all gay/bi.

Examples:
http://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/g8575/guyliner-guys-in-eyeliner-actors-johnny-depp/?slide=1
https://www.buzzfeed.com/sarag17/17-famous-men-who-wear-the-hell-out-of-makeup?utm_term=.ciL6zyZ23#.pdR9Kz5JX

I love Brandon Flowers' look, makeup and clothes, yes even that shirt that exposes his chest (I can't do it before top surgery for obvious reasons though).

I feel like what prevents myself from experimenting with clothes like that is the fact I'm pre-everything and I get scared that while looking in the mirror I'd see a woman and not "just a guy wearing makeup and gayish clothes". Transition would let me have more fun with stuff cause I wouldn't have to worry about having zero facial hair or shirts showing my horrible feminine chest or whatever.

Any thoughts? I'm bisexual but have an overwhelming preference for women, so I don't believe in the makeup = gay stereotype either.

[Ms Grace]

Express yourself how you want. People are going to have opinions regardless but there's nothing you can do about that except to not be concerned with what they think.

[Serenation]

People often think they should not do things that may be perceived as the wrong gender.

Don't leave one cage just to go in another.

Just be yourself.

[RobynD]

I expressed myself in a similar way for years and years, women's pants/jeans, shoes and T-Shirts, short hair and eyeliner etc. I rose in my career largely without conforming to male dress, even when i did have to there were some symbols of rebellion on me and of course under my clothes.

People would ask me when i was going out socializing sometimes with friends, sometimes with my wife; "What style are going for? " and i answer "feminine guy ". 80% of the time the next question would be "are you gay?" to which my standard smart answer to a guy would be "are you asking me out? " or to a girl "Why do you have a friend that wants me? " That is a simple uneducated public question that will take a long time to disassociate with styles of dress. Of course i now finally identify as a woman.

One of the beautiful things about living in a free society is you get to choose your look and your presentation. In North Korea there are something like 20 "official haircuts". Un-free societies see diversity as a threat.

[Elis]

Just wear what you want; no need to label yourself. The way we categorise mens things and women's things are completely arbitrary.  Men for 1000s of years wore makeup and some variation of dresses. Then westerners started invading other countries and the Victorian age came along and that was the end of that. It's ridiculous how around 200 yrs later we're finally starting to get back to how things should be; by being less judgemental to how people dress.

I'm not pre T bit I don't feel I look man enough to try out all the feminine things I want to; which frustrates me. I don't want to risk feeling dysphoric. At least you're brave enough to wear some makeup; which is more than I can do atm.

[jossam]

I guess I'm ok with wearing some eye makeup because I don't have a feminine face, but when it comes to clothes I gotta be more careful because if something is tighter than usual or has a certain shape, it can show my chest and hips....one is no big deal, but the other (I have a "deformed pelvis") sticks out too much and it looks weird, and my upper body isn't big so it can't hide much.

[AnxietyDisord3r]

Jossam, if you look around there are blogs by effeminate gay trans men. So this is a not uncommon quandary. Remember, the need to change our sexual characteristics is driven by dysphoria, but our clothing/hair/makeup/accessories should follow our passion and our delight in being ourselves. I hope that you and I can find the freedom to dress the way we truly want to once we've achieved the physical changes such that we aren't consistently misgendered by others.

[popa910]

I don't care, I still wear eyeliner if I want to, only stupid people question someone's identity based on some makeup.

Just be careful of calling people stupid; ignorance and stupidity are not the same thing.  I grew up in a part of the world that was almost exclusively of a single race and religion, and before I had experienced more of the beautiful diversity of the world, I held some incorrect and presumably offensive beliefs and opinions about other groups with which I hadn't yet come into contact.

However, at the time, had you told me I was stupid for thinking those things, I'd likely not have believed you, and cited legitimate facts, albeit one-sided facts of limited scope.  People need to be educated in order to change their opinions and beliefs, and persecution is not likely to assist in this endeavour.  You need to convince them that your way of looking at the issue/topic at hand is less wrong (yes, I mean "less wrong", and not "right", because it's sometimes challenging, if not impossible, to know if you're truly right on some things).

Also, in my experience, looking at them as stupid, as easy as it is to do, seems to make me more jaded and miserable.  I start seeing stupidity everywhere, and then it seems like most of the world is just a bunch of bigoted nimrods.  It's much better for my sanity and soul to just believe that people are legitimately ignorant, and haven't any experience in the matter the bounds of which they appear to be transgressing.  Also, it helps me think of people more highly, and it makes me more willing to share my experience with them, because it appears to me that they're missing out.  (Trust me that the perception of one missing out compels one to share with the person who is missing out.  If you see someone eating food or doing something, instead of asking, "Can I have some/do that with you?", ask, "What are you eating/doing?"  Your curiosity and your lack of experience with the thing about which you asked will make the person much more likely to share the experience with you.)