Hey Emily, I've been watching your thread for awhile and I wanted to share my experience with you from last year.
First off take a breath, no matter where you can be, outside, in a closet, bathroom. Just take a deep breath and try and find a moment of calm no matter how little or long that lasts.
One of the worst mistakes I made last year is I fell into a state of desperation due to the situation i was in. I had been dealing with abuse for years and last year I made a real decision to try and leave. I planned it to the letter. I knew I was going to get a large some of money and I knew I only had one chance to make escape to a better life a reality. I looked at how much money I had, and then I looked into hotels that had a kitchen. I found out about extended stays. The more your rent your room, the more this discount. I calculated that price for a 12 month stay, I broke down how much I would need for food (i don't eat much if i must), then I looked at surrounding services, transport, etc that I could use once I got to where I wanted to. i looked up therapists, everything and planned down right. But the whole time I was frightened, scared and feeling desperate. The situation with my family had gotten worse, even more so that I became an unintentional caregiver to a parent who at the time couldn't walk and ended up changing and washing him. I was getting hell from my mother and father for being such a baby about crying and was remind that the adopted me, raised me, fed, clothed and it was my time to care for them.
All through that I still planned and had froze. I had to find a caregiver for my parents, because leaving them alone would have been unsafe and possibly illegal, yet when I finally got the courage to tell them and show them rsources, they rejected it and downtalked me until I submitted and gave up. I had planned to leave that May, but I had become so depressed and so desperate that I started leaning on strangers. I ended up creating a terrible illusion that a random stranger had come to save me and had a safe place for me, but instead it was all a lie. I had cut ties with old friends who were not healthy, gathered the strength to tell my parents I'm gone, and I took the car I bought and drove 600-700 miles to another state where this person was and ended up getting stood up and left stranded. I ended up having to stay in a hotel until I figure out what to do, but I ended up running out of money and had to come home. I had a bad mental breakdown when I returned, and everything fell apart. My car went to hell, and I had no money whatsoever.
My point with this is, no matter what you decide to do, try to stay calm and rational, and don't let "too good to be true" to distract you from what you want. Because you know more than others, because you are in the fire. All anyone can do is help you with resources, strength and support, but you're the one that has to find a way out and through.
Now I'm trying to fight the depression and find a way to make money with my talents, and it's very slow going. The family situation is better, because I've resigned myself. I still feel a hint of desperation now and then and try to keep calm and focused on making money. I don't have any friends anymore, just passing acquaintances. I'm my own friend, strength and motivator. If you can find any way to slowly work on your confidence in yourself, you will be one step closer to get where you want to get too.
Take care and Bless
