Don't spend the little money you have on plane

it's bus or

https://www.erideshare.com/

https://www.rdvouz.com/

https://www.carpoolingnetwork.com/index.aspx

I guess you just need to go now

and in my opinion, find employment asap

(of course after having sat a while in front of your drawing board to define more precisely what you want to do, to be, and realize that the only way between where you are now and that you you'll sketch is will. If you want to get there, really, want to, you will do what's needed. And you can!)

I'll also say not to depend on social services for much help. The people that work there mean well, but the programs are generally under funded and the people are over worked. They can maybe get you some help, but if you have to rely on them you'll be in trouble.
Sorry to say, but your mostly on your own.
Stay strong and don't give up. You can make things happen if you persist.
Hugs
Stevie

Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 04, 2016, 10:11:13 PM
It's a shame they're so expensive to live and being progressive states you think their legislatures would address the issues and make their states more affordable

Someone has to pay for all that progressivism and it comes from taxes, which is out of people's pockets. Just the reality of it. There's no free lunch.

Quote from: Gertrude on July 05, 2016, 01:37:21 PM
Someone has to pay for all that progressivism and it comes from taxes, which is out of people's pockets. Just the reality of it. There's no free lunch.

Sure I might have had tax exemptions at the time, but I was busting my butt not to die on the job. And now I do pay taxes more than I use to, it's just part of the 'giving-back' society we live in. I'd take everyone's advice here seriously with a large grain of salt and consider them heavily.

Hey Emily, I've been watching your thread for awhile and I wanted to share my experience with you from last year.

First off take a breath, no matter where you can be, outside, in a closet, bathroom. Just take a deep breath and try and find a moment of calm no matter how little or long that lasts.

One of the worst mistakes I made last year is I fell into a state of desperation due to the situation i was in. I had been dealing with abuse for years and last year I made a real decision to try and leave. I planned it to the letter. I knew I was going to get a large some of money and I knew I only had one chance to make escape to a better life a reality. I looked at how much money I had, and then I looked into hotels that had a kitchen. I found out about extended stays. The more your rent your room, the more this discount. I calculated that price for a 12 month stay, I broke down how much I would need for food (i don't eat much if i must), then I looked at surrounding services, transport, etc that I could use once I got to where I wanted to. i looked up therapists, everything and planned down right. But the whole time I was frightened, scared and feeling desperate. The situation with my family had gotten worse, even more so that I became an unintentional caregiver to a parent who at the time couldn't walk and ended up changing and washing him. I was getting hell from my mother and father for being such a baby about crying and was remind that the adopted me, raised me, fed, clothed and it was my time to care for them.

All through that I still planned and had froze. I had to find a caregiver for my parents, because leaving them alone would have been unsafe and possibly illegal, yet when I finally got the courage to tell them and show them rsources, they rejected it and downtalked me until I submitted and gave up. I had planned to leave that May, but I had become so depressed and so desperate that I started leaning on strangers. I ended up creating a terrible illusion that a random stranger had come to save me and had a safe place for me, but instead it was all a lie. I had cut ties with old friends who were not healthy, gathered the strength to tell my parents I'm gone, and I took the car I bought and drove 600-700 miles to another state where this person was and ended up getting stood up and left stranded. I ended up having to stay in a hotel until I figure out what to do, but I ended up running out of money and had to come home. I had a bad mental breakdown when I returned, and everything fell apart. My car went to hell, and I had no money whatsoever.

My point with this is, no matter what you decide to do, try to stay calm and rational, and don't let "too good to be true" to distract you from what you want. Because you know more than others, because you are in the fire. All anyone can do is help you with resources, strength and support, but you're the one that has to find a way out and through.

Now I'm trying to fight the depression and find a way to make money with my talents, and it's very slow going. The family situation is better, because I've resigned myself. I still feel a hint of desperation now and then and try to keep calm and focused on making money. I don't have any friends anymore, just passing acquaintances. I'm my own friend, strength and motivator. If you can find any way to slowly work on your confidence in yourself, you will be one step closer to get where you want to get too.

Take care and Bless

Mistake or not I need to get out asap no matter the consequences

The agonizing pressure from parents, my brother's hateful attitude, and dysphoria are all becoming too much to bear

Normally I wouldn't suggest this mostly because I wouldn't want blood on your hands like I have on mine. But there are positions in the Military you can take up that don't involve being on the front lines, in specifically a Ranger. The government has been coming around. I don't know if you could openly serve as a woman, but they are making standards were it's not allowed to be biased towards people like us now. I wouldn't go back, but it's worth a shot to see how that turns out for you. But you need to be strong, stronger than you are now. The military is much differently than when I was there and they will break you. You need to be strong, but it will get you out of that situation if your lucky and take your time with it. Don't use words like I'm going through stress or I need to get in to get out of my current living they won't take you then. They'll see you as a compromise to a team or unit if that's the case. But as of right now I don't recommend you go that route either due to the mental condition your in right now. But if you can suck it up and conquer this depression and much more - it will mold you into a stronger and more amazing woman you are now. You don't need to be physically strong, you just need an Iron Will to not give up and knock down every barrier in front of you. An unfaltering will, but one that will back off to authority is all.

I couldn't handle being in the military if I tried. Too much physicality for me and  no private showers during basic I'm terrified of that. Trust me I wouldn't make it out of basic

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 06, 2016, 01:22:24 AM
I couldn't handle being in the military if I tried. Too much physicality for me and  no private showers during basic I'm terrified of that. Trust me I wouldn't make it out of basic

I'm not going to push something, but so far everything that has been suggested you feel it would be too hard. And believe me if you thought my Highschool Years were the worse for my Gender Dysphoria it's a miracle I even made it through BT and AIT. But it did mold me into a stronger person is all, even if it was worse than good for the most part.

I'm sorry I keep saying everything is too hard all experiences between the time I graduated high school to present have taught me what I can and can't do really. Honestly it's a wonder I can even function on my own at all. I know there's no easy in life but if I'm ever gonna keep a job I need one that's simple that I can work competently and not worry about being let go like my previous jobs.

That's what I keep telling you, sure you might have a learning disability like I do, but... I'm telling you the capability to learn is in your head. I was able to nearly knock dead my Aspies, we're really some intelligent people. And I KNOW for a fact you can knock that part that's in your head dead. If you keep thinking you can't do it it will affect your overall thinking in your mind. You may not be aware of that, but certainly you should to see how it has affected you now. I got faith in you Emily do you not see that?!

I do but I don't what to do though I get overwhelmed and stressed soo easily and all attempts to overcome have failed. I'm sorry I know that there's no easy in life but I need easy for my wellbeing's sake. It's how I got my associates I took mostly easy classes though I almost failed math and biology.

Plus I need an employer that's understanding and won't fire me cause I'm "slower" than the rest

How about... Library Assistant, House Cleaning, Home Health Services, Receptionist, School Jobs, Animal Welfare/Support Agencies, or even a Security position on the Graveyard Shift I've heard are easy peasy. Slow Paced and not too hard. I've often felt that was something I could all easy do. And I'm not even the fastest worker at work.

Okay I really need to make something to eat. This depression and not having my service animal takes a toll on this body. Even though I managed to sleep 12 hours for once I gotta make something to lighten up the mood. ^^ Last two days in total before I managed to get 4 hours of sleep.

Where could I go till I get a job?? I really can't remain with my parents much longer

Quote from: Raye on July 06, 2016, 02:32:12 AM
That's what I keep telling you, sure you might have a learning disability like I do, but... I'm telling you the capability to learn is in your head. I was able to nearly knock dead my Aspies, we're really some intelligent people. And I KNOW for a fact you can knock that part that's in your head dead. If you keep thinking you can't do it it will affect your overall thinking in your mind. You may not be aware of that, but certainly you should to see how it has affected you now. I got faith in you Emily do you not see that?!

I think I am an Aspie too. Now I can see why this could be hard for Emily. It is not easy to socialize for Aspies. She really needs some kind of vocational rehab before entering the workforce. I tried it but I admit I was very uncooperative due to being even more depressed than I am now from being in girl mode. But it could work for Emily, possibly. Have you ever heard of vocational rehab anyone? Has anyone been successful with it?

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 07, 2016, 02:55:55 AM
Where could I go till I get a job?? I really can't remain with my parents much longer

I'm honestly not sure babe, your gonna have to ask around town, but you really need a source of income before moving out. That's really the only way your going to be able to get housing. When I came back from my last tour from Kandahar and I've mentioned about my wife passing I was homeless for 3 months. What I did was camp out in the forest with my Jeep and set up a tent by a river and lived off the land with proper camping, fishing, + burning permits. Eventually I was able to get a job and get off the land into something more suitable. It's tough and honestly I don't know many people who could do that for a whole 3 months.

Quote from: Tristyn on July 07, 2016, 03:12:44 AM
I think I am an Aspie too. Now I can see why this could be hard for Emily. It is not easy to socialize for Aspies. She really needs some kind of vocational rehab before entering the workforce. I tried it but I admit I was very uncooperative due to being even more depressed than I am now from being in girl mode. But it could work for Emily, possibly. Have you ever heard of vocational rehab anyone? Has anyone been successful with it?

The only way I know to make Asperger's Syndrome your bishquit and to make it a Strength NOT a Weakness so to speak. Is you really gotta take advantage of the positives. If you find something you really enjoy doing, you'll find that you'll be able to learn it much faster in a shorter amount of time than those who do not have the apptiude or knowledge for that particular skill. Like I said many of us with Aspies are highly intelligent people. It's a gift and a curse, regarding social positions. Yes HRT helped me significantly overcome my disability regarding these particular situations. However for the most part I remained secluded from the social aspects of life until I started working. What I found helped my social anxiety and language communication barriers was to put myself right in front of the action. If I said something wrong and it pissed someone off I tried not saying those particular words or the tone and flow of how I made it come out of my mouth. I got my butt plenty trying to get better with my communication. And right now it might seem pretty decent especially if you watch my YT Videos, but I still have a long ways to go. What I mean by HRT helping me a lot with my disability - at least for me, I couldn't understand emotions + feelings to well. I was very desensitized not only only to my own emotions, but other people's and how they felt about the way I delivered words verbally. With being on it I've become much more sensitive to people's emotions and feelings as well my own. But again I still have a long ways to go and I constantly improve on a daily basis. Just because you have Asperger's doesn't mean you have to live with it making you get down each and every day to be owned by it.

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 07, 2016, 02:55:55 AM
Where could I go till I get a job?? I really can't remain with my parents much longer

I don't know... Usually, one resorts in this type of situation to family, extended family, friends, friends of friends, or very extended family or friends of them.

I don't know USA that much so I don't know. Up here, I'd have a few clues to guide you towards, maybe... I'm sure there are LGBT shelters around here... There's an empty room with no window    here, cheap... but it's in Canada and you can't work here.

Raye says you need employment before leaving, I said from the start just pick up your things and go... towards a city where weirdos (like me) are tolerated and can find employment. I don't know... maybe you can't handle it and maybe by leaving you're heading straight into big troubles, I don't know you enough.

You need help, you'd need a cousin or an aunt that could shelter you, I dunno

when I was young, I would just leave. I have a very large family, people in all corners of the country, so there were my ressources, I got a job out West through my brother who sheltered me there. But I had a tent and was very motivated since I was like 14 to be free... I never could cope with authority, hierarchies and titles, so I resolved to be autonomous, and I guess it's not your case, so I dunno if you can handle being on your own.

well if you don't have family ressources or friends of friends, you need another kind of shelter.

if you feel your life is no longer bearable you need shelter

I don't know your country enough to help you 

Unfortunately I have no other family I could turn to and honestly I do have doubts I could even make it on my own whether I'm 24 or even 40 I may have to face that fact that someone may have to help take care of me though I hope it don't come to that

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 07, 2016, 10:33:31 PM
Unfortunately I have no other family I could turn to

that's sad, not even a friend of a friend?

Quote from: EmilyRyan on July 07, 2016, 10:33:31 PMand honestly I do have doubts I could even make it on my own whether I'm 24 or even 40 I may have to face that fact that someone may have to help take care of me though I hope it don't come to that

You know what, Emily? I don't think so. Really I don't. But then again, I don't know you, really, so maybe you're right.

But you won't lose much giving a couple more tries at taking control of your own self and starting to see things on a brighter side. I mean on the long run, we're all going to die, but meantime we can try to have fun, and most people don't focus on the bad side of life, on the fact that they will get old and die, they try to live life at its fullest. Your attitude on this thread has been from the start that you had given up and are seeking an unknown hand that will lift you up to that feminine someone on HRT. And what after? And what if HRT doesn't turn out all that much and fast enough? Say no breasts growth, no money to get some... or you'd need more estrogen but can't afford it? You can't just focus on HRT, you also need a life of some kind. I'd say it's time to close that thread also and start on more positive grounds, wherever you end up to be in the next few weeks. We'd like to keep on trying to help you and keep in touch, we care, but it's difficult to return to this thread. I think all has been said on the subject, Emily. Start in new.

Quote from: Soli on July 08, 2016, 12:03:10 AM
that's sad, not even a friend of a friend?

Nope