Helping Your Significant Other:

[Peggiann]

Helping Your Significant Other:
I think most of all is that we need and want to be trusted. We need and want the right to feel. Not assumed how we would feel. The right to laugh and to cry no matter who is or what is the cause of it. We want the right to be elated or hurt. We need to be free to wonder out loud with worrying if we'll hurt your feelings. We need to no our spot is still ours in your heart and always will be. So what if in a PMS moment we were a monster from the far corners of the universe... does that mean all those other understanding and loving times were not registered in they Hall of Fame for great Memories. Don't ask the question in your heart and head silently and answer them that way too. The conversation can be much more stimulating out loud and you not taking on the script of both parts.

If you are stumbling through trying to figure out where you fit in all this then shouldn't we be allowed to figure out how we feel about it all too? I mean we deserve the right to grow and change our view and take on things just like you... right? I think to help your S.O. not feel left out of something so important the more the communications are open and free from judgment the more chances you have of keeping the relationship together.
I could be wrong, but I have heard so many say that the S.O.'s just couldn't take it and that they have gone their separate ways and are no longer together because of it.   Maybe it's because they were not allowed in where how they felt might have made a difference in how the journey was going to take place. Maybe it was because of that hurt that caused the, being left out, the lack of timing the lack of setting the stage or the lack of loving understanding on the other side that made it fall apart too. One can't keep something together if one isn't let in the play till the final curtain call. I think it's important to remember the S.O. has just as much to loose as the one that has hid the issues away all their life.

Smiles
Peggiann

[Sheila]

Peggiann, I have always said that if you are married or have a special relationship with another person and that you want to keep this relationship in tact, then you need to take your transition very slowly and talking with your partner all the time. The time for secracy is gone, no more secrets. If you can't be patient with your transition then you will lose your loved one. Some will be a little more tolerant (I didn't want to use that term, but couldn't think of another one) than others and your transition will be faster and easier. Keep them in the loop and if you can bring them with you to your therapist session. Your relationship will never be the same, but you will have to grow with it and make compromises and that doesn't mean you have to compromise your transition.
   
You have to remember that your SO just found out about all this and you have known all your life. They need some time to get up to speed and find out what is going on. They still may leave you, but they maybe your best friend later on. The SO, in my opinon, has the hardest road to follow. They got together with you, knowing you were either male or female and now you aren't. So they have to get on the same playing field as you in less time. It is very hard physically and emotionally.
Sheila

[Alison]

The significant other definetly has just as much to lose, (if not -more-)  the Transsexual is making motions to improve themselves, and align themselves to where they feel comfortable,  the SO is along for the ride.... Coming out to family and friends can be alienating, and painful... So if things go sour between the TG and te significant other, there may not be good relationships with friends of family for either one of them to turn to.....

I do spend a lot of energy on her, explaining to family, defending her, comforting her, encoraging her.... it does feel a little one sided sometimes.... it IS importrant to remember to keep communication open... I really can't ever stress that enough....

that and finding other SO's probably helps too   Not many of us out there unfortunetly.

[Peggiann]

The significant other definetly has just as much to lose, (if not -more-)  the Transsexual is making motions to improve themselves, and align themselves to where they feel comfortable,  the SO is along for the ride.... Coming out to family and friends can be alienating, and painful... So if things go sour between the TG and te significant other, there may not be good relationships with friends of family for either one of them to turn to.....

I do spend a lot of energy on her, explaining to family, defending her, comforting her, encoraging her.... it does feel a little one sided sometimes.... it IS importrant to remember to keep communication open... I really can't ever stress that enough....

Yes you have to have your cup refilled to be able to keep giving from it.

that and finding other SO's probably helps too   Not many of us out there unfortunetly.

It was great to chat today. I can hardly wait till this evening again. We covered so much ground and topics just popped up aout of thin air. was great!!!! Really Great.

Smiles,
Peggiann