(I wrote part of this as a reply to a PM fro my friend and colleague ElizabethK)
It has been an interesting week and I've gone from grief, horror, worry and to acceptance.
I've mourned the loss of my voice and I have visualised the operation with many outcomes and I am now visualising recovery and life outcomes.
I'm getting very close to being at peace with the process.
I have been overwhelmed with the love and support of the community and their friends, and from my none Susie Place friends. Obviously in Adelaide they are the ones dealing with my emotional earthquakes, they do so with calmness and respect and a ->-bleeped-<- load of bad jokes.
I never ever expected the out pouring of love and support, contacts with other laryngectomees and prayers from so many people. I feel so utterly inadequate to thank people.
Life could have been a little easier if I hadn't stubbed my little toe and the next one on the wooden leg of the bed. I think I broke the toe and I cannot walk too well!
So I was feeling very sorry for myself and then started laughing.
I recalled the advert for "Aliens" - In space no one can hear you scream!
So next time I stub my toe, I'm a movie star - no one can hear a laryngectomee scream!
I have to admit it has taken a week of hard meditation, thinking and working through my life goals to get to where I am in my brain.
Peter would have curled up in a foetal ball and wept. Cindy has not shed a tear; she has found a way to cope.
When you are feeling low and there is no hope, you can give up just decide to die. I now disagree with that attitude and I do so from experience. I have been there not only as a trans woman but as a woman who has dealt with losing her partner to paralysis and now dealing with hypolaryngeal cancer.
You can overcome anything and it is YOUR attitude that allows it.
It is not the life I have chosen but it is what it is.
I have arranged for my two life contacts to inform Virginia and Susan after my surgeons finish with me on 21 March. Remember I will be starting my operation at about 7 am 21 March in Australia. This will be about 3.30pm 20 March Tennessee time. The operation is expected to take about 12 hours.
I will be in ICU for about 4 days and I have been told I will come out from sedation after 20 hours.
Writing this helps me control my mind. My apologies if it is repetitive.
I'm feeling OK but may not be doing my Admin duties until I regain my balance.
So be good!!!!!!!!
