Names and Pronouns Issue

[RenegadeGirl]

I have always been shy around personal subjects, and I have the unhelpful reflex to 'shrink' from situations and conversations that feel like they could 'compromise' my inner thinking. Since coming out though I have become much better at dealing with this reaction through experience, but it is still an issue. Most problematically, I get it most severely when people call me Lily in person. Admittedly at the moment it is just my therapist who has during sessions, but it still concerns me as to why this still happens. After all, I am very confident that I am a girl and that transitioning is what I have to do, however I am starting on hormones and I feel that soon I will be wanting my parents and friends to call me by my preferred name and pronouns.

So I guess the question that I'm asking is what are everyone else's experiences of having people use their preferred name and pronouns to begin with? Maybe it's just another 'always known since I was born' thing that doesn't apply to everyone, but I feel confused and a little upset about how I react to my own name, so it would be nice to get other people's experiences to see if its just me or not that feels anxious about it instead of immediately overjoyed.

Lily

[RobynD]

Initially i sort of found it shocking. When a doctor referred to me as she to an assistant, i sort of had to take a couple seconds and think wow "she was talking about me". My name was similar - my wife started using it first and then people at work.

In general it was gradual for me and people starting calling me ma'am a lot more in public when i grew out my hair. I loved it but still was shocking.Now i am more used to it.

[xFreya]

I had similar experiences too. Even though I hated my birth name, it took me a little time to get used to hearing my new name as well. It wasn't about gender of the name, my new name(not my name here) is kinda gender neutral, but it just takes some time until you feel completely "normal" with a new name. First my therapist started to call me by my preferred name, some time after I asked my family too and we all adjusted. Luckily my native language doesn't have different pronouns for different genders otherwise that would bother me a lot.

[freebrady2015]

I totally know what you mean. People have been using my preferred pronouns for a month or two now and it still makes me uncomfortable. I think I have this twisted anxiety about everyone doing it just to please me and then turning around and going "haha how delusional". I know it's totally unfounded but I feel like I'm on punk'd and Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out and be like "you dumb bit** you're a she not a he". Anywayyyy, I'm having SUCH a hard time deciding on what my new preferred name should be that I feel overwhelmed, don't know how everyone else were able to pick a new name..

[sfreit89]

I felt similarly. At first when people would call me by my preferred name I would forget to answer to it. Even more so when I legally changed it. Oddly enough even now 16 months into my transition I slightly cock an eyebrow at things being addressed as 'Mr.' in the mail  . Not that it is incorrect in anyway. I think it just feels weird to be addressed appropriately!

[KathyLauren]

I am just beginning the process of transition, so at the moment, I am still in boy mode all the time.  It is going to be weird as hell when someone refers to me as "she".  It is going to take some getting used to.

I am going to go to a peer support group next week, and I'll be in boy mode.  They assured me that that would not be a problem, but I don't know how the etiquette of names is going to work in the group.  I think it would be odd to be a man named Kathy, so I'll probably use my boy name until I start presenting.

don't know how everyone else were able to pick a new name..

I picked my forum name as a variation on my male given names.  I am not sure if it is my final answer, but the more I use it, the more it grows on me.  And Kathy is age-appropriate for my generation.  There were lots of Kathys and Cathys in my grade in school.

[DawnOday]

I made mine really simple. Don / Dawn  That just cannot get screwed up. Besides I really like Dawn.

[Dena]

I am going to go to a peer support group next week, and I'll be in boy mode.  They assured me that that would not be a problem, but I don't know how the etiquette of names is going to work in the group.  I think it would be odd to be a man named Kathy, so I'll probably use my boy name until I start presenting.

The way groups work, you will be asked your preferred name and pronouns at the start and they will be used to refer to you. It saves everybody the trouble of learning two names and it helps you get comfortable with your new name and identity. I was in male mode for several months before I had my image worked out and the group only knew me as Dena.