More dysphoria...

[Hughie]

Right, once your face masculinizes you'll be able to have more leeway with your hair. Do you have a therapist yet or know when you'll start T?

I'm about a third of the way in through 12 sessions of free counseling arranged through my local GLBTQ charity to talk about gender and related stuff. I also have a psychiatrist, and I've told him about my dysphoria this past spring. He was supportive too.  I don't see him again till the end of Sept / early Oct though. I'll ask him for a letter then, if it's needed, to do T. I haven't told my GP yet, I'm a bit nervous there since she's known me since I was a teenager and sees the whole family.

But I probably won't start T till winter at the earliest, and also hopefully not staying with family as I've been for the last while, due to an unrelated health issue. It'll be easier mentally for me to make these physical changes and process them in my own space. Every time my mother sees me in men's shirts, etc, she can't seem to stop all the negative comments, and it's tough to deal with. I don't want to fight her every time, but ignoring the onslaught doesn't make me feel great either. We've had a couple of talks about it at calmer times, but she slips back to the same patterns. If I look more feminine, it's acceptable to her, and no comments. It's wearing to deal with this on a daily basis. And it's been damned hot lately so I've been in tank tops and sports bras, which is mentally weird, but cooler.

[WolfNightV4X1]

I'm about a third of the way in through 12 sessions of free counseling arranged through my local GLBTQ charity to talk about gender and related stuff. I also have a psychiatrist, and I've told him about my dysphoria this past spring. He was supportive too.  I don't see him again till the end of Sept / early Oct though. I'll ask him for a letter then, if it's needed, to do T. I haven't told my GP yet, I'm a bit nervous there since she's known me since I was a teenager and sees the whole family.

But I probably won't start T till winter at the earliest, and also hopefully not staying with family as I've been for the last while, due to an unrelated health issue. It'll be easier mentally for me to make these physical changes and process them in my own space. Every time my mother sees me in men's shirts, etc, she can't seem to stop all the negative comments, and it's tough to deal with. I don't want to fight her every time, but ignoring the onslaught doesn't make me feel great either. We've had a couple of talks about it at calmer times, but she slips back to the same patterns. If I look more feminine, it's acceptable to her, and no comments. It's wearing to deal with this on a daily basis. And it's been damned hot lately so I've been in tank tops and sports bras, which is mentally weird, but cooler.

Jeez, good luck on the family tension, thats harsh to deal with, especially confused parents.

Hopefully you can finish through those programs, I dont know if they give you T at the end but I hope overall its not too long and youll be able to get it

[Hughie]

I'm lucky that where I am, there's good transgender awareness in my province in Canada and hormones and surgeries are reasonably accessible through health care.

All that said, I might end up changing my name / gender legally before the T, this fall. Still thinking about timing of everything. I'm fairly confident of the name, since I've been writing under it for a while now.

My counselor is awesome. Our sessions go to till end October, and I've decided I won't start any permanent changes before then. First thing is getting a new pt job to help with living costs and moving. It's probably gonna be: move, name/gender, T. But hey, that all could change too, lol. Maybe the last two will switch. Where I live, I don't need to have surgery to change my name and gender, just a medical letter.

[DawnOday]

I posted elsewhere that I've started therapy arranged through a GLBTQ charity in my area, twelve sessions. I've seen my counselor three times now and he's great. The interesting thing we talked about last time, that I didn't realise, that in his culture of origin (he's Mexican) and my culture of origin (Mediterranean, let's say ) are very collectivist societies vs the individualist culture in North America. Which caught me off guard, since I've been raised in Canada, the way of relating to others, family and community that I seem to do is focused on collective patterns, and thoughts of family/community are put ahead of my own.

I did tell my Mom a couple months ago - she was okay at first but then as the news has digested, she occasionally gets very worked up as she process through all this for herself. Meanwhile, I'm processing my stuff for myself.

The other interesting insight is the conflict between the rational/intellectual side vs the emotional side. I can see that at this age, I am free to do what I want and for many things, I do. But emotionally, the old unconscious pattern is the old community first one. So I thought that was fascinating.

The other news of the week was that my Mom told my auntie (a long time family friend) that I'm trans. I'm sure my Mom didn't exactly sell it, and my auntie was soooo excited. According to my Mom, she said, 'That's fantastic! Now she can be the person she's always wanted to be!' Which stunned me, of course, but I was happy! She's a social worker, but also from a traditional culture, so that has given me hope. And she's known me since I was a small kid, so she's observed me for many years, and I guess she picked up that something was off.

As for me, I realise to some degree this a leap of faith and I don't know what the end goal is for myself, ie full medical transition or what (and I know there's plenty of non-binary folks out there too). But I'm definitely more male than female. I've only acknowledged that I'm trans to myself this past spring, so I don't want to get into any permanent changes quite yet, not before I finish counselling by the end of October. By then, I should have more of road map for myself, I'm hoping. Probably T and and name change, but time will tell.

I do appreciate that you are using your own prerogative. When all is said and done, I'm confident that you will achieve the goals you set. I hope your Mom comes along. Good luck sweetie.

[KarlMars]

I'm about a third of the way in through 12 sessions of free counseling arranged through my local GLBTQ charity to talk about gender and related stuff. I also have a psychiatrist, and I've told him about my dysphoria this past spring. He was supportive too.  I don't see him again till the end of Sept / early Oct though. I'll ask him for a letter then, if it's needed, to do T. I haven't told my GP yet, I'm a bit nervous there since she's known me since I was a teenager and sees the whole family.

But I probably won't start T till winter at the earliest, and also hopefully not staying with family as I've been for the last while, due to an unrelated health issue. It'll be easier mentally for me to make these physical changes and process them in my own space. Every time my mother sees me in men's shirts, etc, she can't seem to stop all the negative comments, and it's tough to deal with. I don't want to fight her every time, but ignoring the onslaught doesn't make me feel great either. We've had a couple of talks about it at calmer times, but she slips back to the same patterns. If I look more feminine, it's acceptable to her, and no comments. It's wearing to deal with this on a daily basis. And it's been damned hot lately so I've been in tank tops and sports bras, which is mentally weird, but cooler.

Wear a male tank top over your sports bra..or better yet get a binder!

[Hughie]

Wear a male tank top over your sports bra..or better yet get a binder!

Good call on the tank top. I ordered a binder in July and it just arrived yesterday. Haven't had a chance yet to try it out.

[KarlMars]

Good call on the tank top. I ordered a binder in July and it just arrived yesterday. Haven't had a chance yet to try it out.

Tank tops with thick sleeves/straps cover up the binder better when you need to workout or when the temperature is too hot. I once ordered a tank top binder and I couldn't get in it at all so I sent it back for the half binder. My stomach isn't flat enough to fit into the binding tank top.

[Hughie]

Tank tops with thick sleeves/straps cover up the binder better when you need to workout or when the temperature is too hot. I once ordered a tank top binder and I couldn't get in it at all so I sent it back for the half binder. My stomach isn't flat enough to fit into the binding tank top.

Yeah, I also don't have a flat stomach these days. It's reducing, but still. Good tip on the half top. I'm worried about the bottoms rolling up on either the full length or short binder. Plus being able to get into it with one arm that's got some weakness, so looking at zip up versions.

[Hughie]

So this was kind of funny this morning and I had to share. I got my first pass, sort of.

I was walking to physio and a couple was walking toward me, with the mom carrying her toddler in her arms as the approached. I guess they'd been working on identifying boys and girls. The little boy pointed at me and said 'Boy!' with great confidence. The mom hesitated and said, 'Girl.'

I think the kid should get the cookie, lol.

Yay, first pass. From a toddler. I'll take it.   That makes up for being ma'am-ed the other night at the film fest.