Hello!
I'm 18 years old transguy and I've always liked men (still do) but after realizing I was trans I slowly understood that I maybe like them because I also want to be like them.
I haven't had any real relationship with a man... I had only a friend with benefits but I would like to forget all about that. It was all totally wrong... Also that was before I found out Im trans.
I'm starting to get to the point now, hang in there with me please.

About a year ago (I knew I was trans) I was already very good friends with a girl from my school, she was the 1st person I came out to and I slowly started to notice that I'm feeling something towards her - I never felt like that before with a girl. Later I also started imagining things with her (if you know what I mean heheh).
In December 2015 I couldn't hold it in anymore and thought about confessing to her. I was telling myself "there is no way she would like me the way I like her" -- she even had a boyfriend at the time and I knew she only liked men -- we even love the same actors!

Anyway, it came out of me one evening we were together and she was just looking at me, not breathing and then she hugged me. I thought "wow, she is amazing, I told her I have feeling for her and she understands and will still be my friend!" but after a while I understood that she felt the same about me!
So there we were, not understanding anything, shaking from all the emotions... later that day we hugged a couple times more and I was feeling amazing, warm inside and all that.
The next day we kissed. And then we were making out for hours. It was great, it felt great.
But now, more than half a year later, I don't feel aroused when I'm with her. Whatever we do, say, for 2 hours, I feel aroused for like 20 seconds in total. Just here and there.
We are both sad about it and I think it all has to do with my insecurities and my dysforia. I always keep thinking "this would be so amazing if I had a penis!" or "if I had a flat chest" and things like that...
It's frustrating, because I love her but I don't feel what she feels and I want to, so much!
Funny thing is, when she leaves and I'm alone and I think about the stuff we did, I do get aroused. The memories work. But when I'm with her - nothing.
Does anyone have the same experience, or could recommend something, give me some tips? Also feel free to ask whatever you want.

Sorry if it was too long to read, I guess I got a bit carried away... Thanks.