Hello!

I'm 18 years old transguy and I've always liked men (still do) but after realizing I was trans I slowly understood that I maybe like them because I also want to be like them.

I haven't had any real relationship with a man... I had only a friend with benefits but I would like to forget all about that. It was all totally wrong... Also that was before I found out Im trans.
I'm starting to get to the point now, hang in there with me please.

About a year ago (I knew I was trans) I was already very good friends with a girl from my school, she was the 1st person I came out to and I slowly started to notice that I'm feeling something towards her - I never felt like that before with a girl. Later I also started imagining things with her (if you know what I mean heheh).
In December 2015 I couldn't hold it in anymore and thought about confessing to her. I was telling myself "there is no way she would like me the way I like her" -- she even had a boyfriend at the time and I knew she only liked men -- we even love the same actors!

Anyway, it came out of me one evening we were together and she was just looking at me, not breathing and then she hugged me. I thought "wow, she is amazing, I told her I have feeling for her and she understands and will still be my friend!" but after a while I understood that she felt the same about me!
So there we were, not understanding anything, shaking from all the emotions... later that day we hugged a couple times more and I was feeling amazing, warm inside and all that.
The next day we kissed. And then we were making out for hours. It was great, it felt great.

But now, more than half a year later, I don't feel aroused when I'm with her. Whatever we do, say, for 2 hours, I feel aroused for like 20 seconds in total. Just here and there.
We are both sad about it and I think it all has to do with my insecurities and my dysforia. I always keep thinking "this would be so amazing if I had a penis!" or "if I had a flat chest" and things like that...
It's frustrating, because I love her but I don't feel what she feels and I want to, so much!

Funny thing is, when she leaves and I'm alone and I think about the stuff we did, I do get aroused. The memories work. But when I'm with her - nothing.

Does anyone have the same experience, or could recommend something, give me some tips? Also feel free to ask whatever you want. Sorry if it was too long to read, I guess I got a bit carried away... Thanks.

Gabo24

Welcome to the site.

I am coming at this from the opposite direction. I can't say that I have the same but reversed situation but I think I have touched on some if it.

If you don't mind me asking, are you currently seeing a therapist? The path we walk has so many potential mazes that I find it very helpful to have some one trained to hear my feelings and thoughts. I think it allows me to come to conclusions faster and walk down fewer false paths. It might be embarrassing but I think this would be very good to discuss with a professional.

I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in. Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.

With warmth,

Joanna

I have a similar problem but in the opposite direction . Had a gf; went out for a long time, we broke up but have just started a friends with benefits situation. But the frustrating thing is I don't find her sexually attractive anymore and I don't feel that thing I felt when we were together. Like you memories work but being with her and doing stuff just feels empty and unfulfilled. I think I'm probably now mostly gay. Before I didn't realise because I didn't find being the female in the relationship with a guy appealing; but me being seen as a guy also definitely is.
Anyway; you could look into using dildos or strap ons. Yes it's awkward talking about and using that stuff at first but it'll probably really help you get that feeling back. I haven't used that stuff myself yet though. They also sell realistic looking packers that you can use for sex but they're expensive. Some trans men also feel more comfortable wearing a binder during sex. It's important during a relationship to always communicate what you like and don't like in bed as well as your insecurities; otherwise the relationship just won't work.

I am visiting a psychiatrist / sexuologist but the only thing he does so far is prescribe some medicine for anxiety and such. I had done a psychology test which involved some talking but the results were not yet discussed with the doctor...
But no, I don't have a therapist.


Oh, communication is not a problem, she is an amazing person, we have discussed all of it... Actually she was the one to mention strap-ons. We laughed at it and said that we would totally laugh again if I got one but yeah, I'm not sure about it...
I don't have a binder but I always wear a sports bra. I still feel insecure as hell, though... She says she doesn't mind because she just takes me as a man regardless, but I mind.
She was also the one to say that we can do stuff with the lights off (and I was never naked) and that surely helps, buuut I still think about the dysphoria all the time.
Also, she asked me one time if I can imagine a man in her place. I said no, because I wouldn't know what I would be then. Like you said, I hated being in the "woman's role" when I was with a man and since I'm still pre- everything, I couldn't be with a man...

Glad to hear communication isn't a problem . What about straps ons are you unsure about? Maybe look on an online sex shop website and see what they offer (sex shops tend to sell products in discreete packaging in case the neighbours are a bit nosy  ). Even if you buy one there's no rush to use it. Maybe you could be a top in bed to make you more comfortable...

And I'd definitely recommend buying a binder if you can, GC2B are the best. And to limit the dysphoria by general stuff like having a haircut or buying some boxers

Well first off I'm a bit embarassed by buying that. I still live with my mom... But I'm not completely against it, so maybe we will try it in the future... We'll never know if we don't try, right?
I have no problem with being on the bottom in the bed actually.

I wanted to get a binder such a long time ago! I never really did because I didn't really know how to pick one, and was worried it wouldn't fit... I really have to get one. Thanks for the tip on the brand.

The haircut was the first thing I did what I came out - it was so freeing, ah. And I do have boxers, too - that was probably a second thing, heheh.