I spent over 50 years trying to live up an "Image" of what a normal guy was like. After 2 failed transition experiments in my early 20's I resigned myself to having no other choice. In fact, it was shear LUNACY to think that could, at any level, pull off transitioning. Not when I started balding at 14, was a good 200 lbs of blubber by the time I finished HS. I was an even 6ft tall, big frog hands, super extra large feet, as well as a deeper then the average male's voice. Like who was I kidding? OK, besides myself.
Trying to be that "Image" over the decades consumed more and more of energy, my time, as well as my soul. In time I turned into a lifeless, soulless thing that existed only to what was "Expected". I had no hopes, no wishes, no dreams, bar one given up on decades ago.
Since I came out to myself and started to take on the Trans-Beast, For Real, I've seen and met other Trans-Women in all shapes and sizes. Many of the older women, TBH, had problems passing. Others, well.... Let's just say the one thing they all had in common is They Were Happy, finally at peace with themselves.
Seven years when I started this phase of my life, the absolute last thing on any To-Do list was transitioning. Since then I learned a lot about myself, and still am sorting out and learning more. I have a well entrenched 'Male' life, a wife, a career, a knowledge of many of the things that make me Me, of which Gender is just a part of the totality. Being at the brink of loosing much of that totality is what led to me seeing I need to make some changes.
The latest lesson I've been learning is a bit reality based. I needed to stop thinking in terms of gender binaries. I learned to stop obsessing over the "Now What?" question after taking ownership of being TG. My current circumstances, the needs of my wife, the needs of "The Us" pretty much dictate I continue to live and present primarily as male. I may want to transition, Today, I do not Need to. HRT, even low dose HRT, help me a lot over the decades for a brain reset. This time low went to feminizing, which gave me an almost B cup. Something my wife is not too thrilled about, but I am alive.
You have options. Being trans and doing something about it is not an All In or nothing game. Just as being TG means you are somewhere in the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male, there is also universe of possibilities to help manage being TG and finding happiness in simply being you, and that "Image"
