There were allot of expectations placed on me in regards to military service.  My family has had a pretty strict military tradition ever since great great great grandpa was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his actions during the civil war.  In my family everyone serves - that's just a given.  So really I hadn't a choice...  at 17 off I went.

As far as the therapist goes... again that is fraught with hazards at the moment.  As KathyLauren mentioned was the case for her, I can't go anywhere without getting the third degree.

Quote from: worthless on August 17, 2016, 06:49:23 PM
There were allot of expectations placed on me in regards to military service.  My family has had a pretty strict military tradition ever since great great great grandpa was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his actions during the civil war.  In my family everyone serves - that's just a given.  So really I hadn't a choice...  at 17 off I went.

Me too.  I got sent to Military School when I was 13, although the unspoken reason was to cure "this thing".  Then 4 years of Military College in New York, then 20 years active duty.  My father was career Air Force and flew in Vietnam.  My grandfather was a WWII Army doctor in New Guinea.  I had many in the Civil War although none won the CMH.  That is impressive.  Mine were all on the other side.  Hopefully, they never had to shoot at each other.

Actually, I kind of wanted to join the Air Force and fly.  That's all I ever knew as a child.  But my vision is not good so it was off to the Army instead.

It all does keep you occupied with enough interesting things though to keep the dysphoria mostly under control.  But it always comes back.

I spent over 50 years trying to live up an "Image" of what a normal guy was like. After 2 failed transition experiments in my early 20's I resigned myself to having no other choice. In fact, it was shear LUNACY to think that could, at any level, pull off transitioning. Not when I started balding at 14, was a good 200 lbs of blubber by the time I finished HS. I was an even 6ft tall, big frog hands, super extra large feet, as well as a deeper then the average male's voice. Like who was I kidding? OK, besides myself.

Trying to be that "Image" over the decades consumed more and more of energy, my time, as well as my soul. In time I turned into a lifeless, soulless thing that existed only to what was "Expected". I had no hopes, no wishes, no dreams, bar one given up on decades ago.

Since I came out to myself and started to take on the Trans-Beast, For Real, I've seen and met other Trans-Women in all shapes and sizes. Many of the older women, TBH, had problems passing. Others, well.... Let's just say the one thing they all had in common is They Were Happy, finally at peace with themselves.

Seven years when I started this phase of my life, the absolute last thing on any To-Do list was transitioning. Since then I learned a lot about myself, and still am sorting out and learning more. I have a well entrenched 'Male' life, a wife, a career, a knowledge of many of the things that make me Me, of which Gender is just a part of the totality. Being at the brink of loosing much of that totality is what led to me seeing I need to make some changes.

The latest lesson I've been learning is a bit reality based. I needed to stop thinking in terms of gender binaries. I learned to stop obsessing over the "Now What?" question after taking ownership of being TG. My current circumstances, the needs of my wife, the needs of "The Us" pretty much dictate I continue to live and present primarily as male. I may want to transition, Today, I do not Need to. HRT, even low dose HRT, help me a lot over the decades for a brain reset. This time low went to feminizing, which gave me an almost B cup. Something my wife is not too thrilled about, but I am alive.

You have options. Being trans and doing something about it is not an All In or nothing game. Just as being TG means you are somewhere in the spectrum between cis-female and cis-male, there is also universe of possibilities to help manage being TG and finding happiness in simply being you, and that "Image"

Hi and welcome!

I had the veneer of a feminine guy for many years. Sounds strange perhaps but that was very protective. People often stereotyped me as a gay person and i was fine with that. I was an athlete and did a lot of fairly extreme sports, then i would talk to people and get to know them and they were confused. I sort of liked confusing people - ok not sort of, I definitely liked it.

Ultimately any facade we put up to protect ourselves that is not our true self, tends to wear down. Age is a great weathering agent. We often become jaded and care less about what other people think. What got us here, will not get us there and we have a sense that it is getting late.

There is no easy answer to the jump or not jump question, there isn't in most situations. You found this place which is full of supportive people.

Your story is told many times over.  Though I am not a combat vet, I did spend 11 years Active Duty.  I may not be big and hairy, but also the biker type, up till a few months ago rode around to club events on a very regular basis.  Ride a 94 Wide Glide daily.  I have been divorced twice (first wife knew about it).  My family raised me very traditional and in the way that you are a boy, You will act and be a boy and man.  No exceptions.  I finally got to the point you are at around Christmas time.  Even though I have room mates, I am not in the position you are in with wife and kids.  But was at one point.  I reluctantly put it off then.  I regretted it.  That was in '09.  Granted you do have a few years on my age as I am only 38. 

Do what your heart tells you and be who you feel you are. And remember, your honor, dedication, loyalty, integrity, etc doesn't change.  Your physical appearance changes.

If you are able to take advantages of the VA.  They cover all services with the exception of surgery (for now).  I just had my appointment yesterday with the counselor that gives the final go ahead on starting hormones.  He sent my referrals yesterday.  With being the VA mental health clinic, all your wife and family need to know is that you need help clearing your head.  You are a combat vet and a biker currently so could help you play it off in front of those you need to keep it from for the time being. 

Look up Kristin Beck on youtube.  She is a former Seal.  Once you hear her story you will feel so much better sweetie.

Quote from: worthless on August 17, 2016, 06:49:23 PM
There were allot of expectations placed on me in regards to military service.  My family has had a pretty strict military tradition ever since great great great grandpa was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his actions during the civil war.  In my family everyone serves - that's just a given.  So really I hadn't a choice...  at 17 off I went.

As far as the therapist goes... again that is fraught with hazards at the moment.  As KathyLauren mentioned was the case for her, I can't go anywhere without getting the third degree.

At some point you'll have to tell your wife. I told mine before we were married but the context was that I was a cross dresser. We went to a gender therapist too. It's 22 years later now. About a year and a half ago, I started to have feelings of dysphoria and went to see a gender therapist and had to admit who and what I am. The wife went once with me and it didn't go well, but we're working it out. The hardest thing for me after trying to live with myself is trying to explain it to her or almost anyone else. Most people are hung up on external physiology dictating gender and they tend to have a self-centered view of the world in that they see the world through their own experiences, which tends to be cis gendered.  It's a hard road to hoe.

Everyone keeps mentioning the VA.  I'm not retired and don't have a service-related disability. So I haven't anything to do with the VA.  So that's not an option.  I do appreciate all of the kind replies though.

I know I will eventually have to tell my wife, but her reaction to my brother's decision to become my sister doesn't bode well.  So that's a battle that I'm not too eager to fight quite yet.

I have never used VA myself.  But according to their website you do not need to have a disability to go there.  http://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/586/busting-myths-about-va-health-care/

Quote from: worthless on August 17, 2016, 11:20:54 PM
Everyone keeps mentioning the VA.  I'm not retired and don't have a service-related disability. So I haven't anything to do with the VA.  So that's not an option.  I do appreciate all of the kind replies though.

I know I will eventually have to tell my wife, but her reaction to my brother's decision to become my sister doesn't bode well.  So that's a battle that I'm not too eager to fight quite yet.

As long as you were discharged with honorable, ie finished enlistment requirements with no issues. Then all you have to do is go down and sign up.  As long as not a bad conduct discharge, then all their services are open for your use.  I see you are only a visitor here, try to send me a pm and I can help you out a little on the VA part. 

You will come out when its time too.  No reason to rush.  Even though I will be starting on HRT soon, there are maybe a handful of people that know currently.  And I don't plan on telling a few of them until much later as for fear of backlash as well.  Your struggle is normal. we have all gone through it at one point or another when we started this journey.  Take it a day at a time, read the forums here and do not ever be afraid to reach out.  As you can see, we are all here if need an ear sweetie. 

Quote from: worthless on August 17, 2016, 11:20:54 PM
Everyone keeps mentioning the VA.  I'm not retired and don't have a service-related disability. So I haven't anything to do with the VA.  So that's not an option.  I do appreciate all of the kind replies though.

I know I will eventually have to tell my wife, but her reaction to my brother's decision to become my sister doesn't bode well.  So that's a battle that I'm not too eager to fight quite yet.

Your brother/sister is trans?


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Quote from: Gertrude on August 18, 2016, 05:58:00 PM
Your brother/sister is trans?

yes I mentioned that earlier in the thread.

Quote from: worthless on August 18, 2016, 06:30:26 PM

Quote from: Gertrude on August 18, 2016, 05:58:00 PM
Your brother/sister is trans?

yes I mentioned that earlier in the thread.

A thread we had running a while back had a number of interesting post that showed transgender can run in families along with being gay. It's not a sure thing but we have seen parents with more than one child who are transgender. It adds proof that being transgender can have a genetic link.

Quote from: Dena on August 18, 2016, 07:24:08 PMIt adds proof that being transgender can have a genetic link.

Or perhaps a DES link sometimes?