One thing I've come to appreciate about relationships is that people come with compromises of all kinds. There is no perfect relationship or person, but we often enter into relationships with the delusion that they are.
Ultimately, I didn't get into a relationship because I wanted sex and relationship status. Quite the opposite actually. I got into one because I wanted to give and receive closeness, affection, and someone to share my innermost thoughts with, someone to connect with properly and not just interact with in some small-talk throwaway manner. I later realized that due to being trans, I was more dissociated from sex than most other people, more in control of whether or not I let it infiltrate my decisions or my physical response than many other people. I could go the whole of my life without it and not care. Yet I've heard other people respond to that idea with abject horror. I realize now that I am very different, but I had absolutely no way of knowing that ten years ago when I entered into my current relationship. I was also quite blind to gender. I got into relationships with a person I liked, not a gender I liked. The gender just came with them. It was not a pre-requisite condition for attraction for me unlike some.
If I had known it - I'd probably not be in a relationship now. I am too different, my goals and needs are not the same. But let's say I still was and my SO told me tonight he was going to take estrogen and become a woman. It'd be a surprise, and I know I would miss certain aspects of his body. But I'd think he'd make a great woman if he wanted to be one, hypothetically. If that was who he really was, there'd be no getting around it and I'd be happy help because it's the person that counts to me. This person is the one person I chose on the planet to make this pact with about being the best we can be for each other and prove the rest of the world wrong about everything being selfish and crap. This was the person I had made a promise to ten years ago not to let them down or let them fall, and to help each other out should we need it no matter what. That was the platform we started on rather than just finding each other physically attractive (although we do), and so there's a great deal more to it than just "am I personally satisfied with what I'm getting out of this?" And I see that quite often - people being dumped and divorced because someone "isn't sexually satisfied" or thinks they could do better with someone else and feels they wasted enough time on this man or that woman. There's an urgency to other people's mating game that I just cannot appreciate. Maybe because it's a mating game and not a "soul mate" game, I don't know.
So I can only speak from my outlier perspective and say any person who was my significant other, the one I had found worthy of my commitment and effort and striving - that person would have my support no matter what. If it was painful, if it was sad, if it was not my dream, if it meant changes... they're my brother or sister or ally or comrade and best friend and they'd have my support. That's just me. That's the sort of bond I make when it comes to this kind of commitment. This kind, or none at all. And I'm actually sure it's not because I'm trans that I would understand - but just because I know being a human is difficult and painful and sad, and usually the only way to find a real light in this world is to try to make a space for it and a flame yourself and be the sort of person you wish you could find out there.
That's basically the situation I have at present. Me transitioning is not ideal, but I'm needed and wanted nonetheless and I'll do what I can to honor my promises. It's worth a thousand throwaway flings or mediocre relationships to me even if it's tough.
It's not an ideal comparison but I often think about the scenario of getting cancer. If I did, and I had to have my chest amputated, would my SO kick me to the curb because he'd never get to grab some boobs again? And what kind of other is that who'd dump a person because they had a disease and needed to do something about it to survive. If my SO had to have his junk amputated would I kick him to the curb? Hell no. And being trans is a medical condition that sometimes requires surgery and recuperation and understanding. I think it comes down in the end to there being two kinds of people and SO's - those who would stick with a sick or injured spouse/partner and help them through it so they can get strong again, and those who'd turn you out of their house or screw behind your back for want of a new "healthy" person. I'm not going to pass judgement on the methods of the biological imperative, but I know which one I'd rather be dealing with.
