Gender Therapist Male or Female

[Quinn]

Hello everyone first post for me,
I have been looking for a gender therapist that is in my medical insurance plan coverage, in my area there is only one listed but He has only been licensed for about 5 years. I have never been really comfortable with sharing personal information with Men, I have always been more comfortable socializing and sharing with women. I'm very reluctant to call this therapist more because of his gender but some because of his experience. I want to start therapy with someone that I will stay with from the start.

What are some of your thoughts about this, Do you think a female therapist will be more understanding for MtF issues?
Or should I just give this Guy a Chance.

There is one female therapist in this area that has years of experience and specializes in trans issues but she charges $190 per session and doesn't take insurance so it is much to expensive for long term therapy

Would appreciate any of your thoughts or experience on this

[KathyLauren]

My own preference is for a female therapist.  I know how it is to not have much choice available.  I was lucky that I found one an hour and a half drive from home, and my wife's insurance covers 80% of the cost. 

To be honest, though, If I hadn't had that choice and the ability to pay for it, I would have taken whoever was available.  Unless you have the misfortune to run into a total quack, any therapist is better than none.

[JessicaSondelli]

I also looked for a female therapist and luckily found one. I think I would have had issues seeing a male therapist.


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[Rachel]

My first therapist was female sex and gender fluid. My second therapist is female sex and trans. The first one was more nurturing and the second is more empowering and gives homework. I have something due by next Thursday I have to e-mail her before our phone session. I am lucky to have had both for different reasons and times in my transition.

[kasspurple]

I too am more comfortable sharing, especially about these issues with women.  However, I would not rule out a competent male healthcare provider if he is clearly the best option.  What I would say is also to consider if you can find a therapist who is willing to do online video sessions (there are some) and it cannot hurt to call the female therapist you know of and see if they have a sliding scale (many do).

[LauraE]

but she charges $190 per session and doesn't take insurance so it is much to expensive for long term therapy

$190 an hour? OMG. I'm with a private therapist (so this is out of pocket) and i'm paying $120 per session. But then, i'm only going every other week, which goes for me. My dysphoria isn't so great that i need weekly sessions, but i am quite comfortable with her. She accepts me for who i am. I DO journal quite a bit between sessions using Evernote, a nice app that syncs to my iPhone so i can read my notes to her during our session.

I'm with you that i'm more comfortable discussing these things with a woman. In fact, i've always felt more comfortable talking about personal things with women rather than men. However, if your insurance does cover a male therapist, it wouldn't kill you to do one or two sessions with him to see if it can work.

Laura

[kaitylynn]

My primary therapist is cis female and we have a really easy relationship.  Very easy to share with, has experience in where I am transitioning too...it makes sense to me.

So, I am now considering who I would like as my secondary therapist.  I was considering a male therapist for the difference in viewpoint possibly.

I guess it would really depend on who you can open yourself to the easiest.  Some have an easier time opening up to men and some women.  You might have to experiment a little to determine what is the best fit for you.

[Deborah]

The first time I went to a therapist I wasn't comfortable sharing this with anyone, male or female.  Luckily, I found a therapist who was a trans man my age.  I figured if anyone would understand, he would.

Now, 22 months later, I have a new therapist, one my insurance will cover.  I am finding that now I don't really mind whether the therapist is male or female.  I talked it out with my primary care Dr (female NP) in July, and with my new therapist (male) a couple of days ago.  Both were fairly low stress.

So, I suppose that means I have made progress in self acceptance anyway.

[EmilyMK03]

My first and only gender therapist is a male.  I had the option of going with a female therapist at the same practice, but I figured, it really shouldn't matter.  And I'm glad I made that decision, because he's been great!

[Janes Groove]

I vote female. Definitely female.

[AnonyMs]

I would have said female, except I've had both and it made no difference. Both were good.

[SophiaBleu]

I've had both. Current is a trans man. Great therapist! Have had no problems, so far!

[Kylo]

Female doesn't necessarily guarantee a great therapist but if you're paying lots for the service, I suppose you should go with whatever you think you're most comfortable with.

[Asche]

Unless you have the misfortune to run into a total quack, any therapist is better than none.

I disagree.  I've had therapists who weren't total quacks who were worse than nothing.

E.g., since I came out to myself as (possibly) trans 3 years ago, I've had:

1.  A (male) therapist who it turns out believed that therapists should remain "neutral" and "objective" and in particular should not encourage or allow emotional rapport with their patients.  This essentially amounted to retraumatizing me.  (Fortunately, I dumped him before he could do much damage.)  I need someone who makes me feel safe and nurtured in order to do anything at all (cf. Judith Herman), and given my background, this is not easy.

BTW, I have a really hard time trusting men, so a male therapist is starting out with a huge disadvantage if he's trying to treat me.  Plus, in my experience, men (including male therapists) tend to have more trouble dealing with softer emotions.

2.  A (female) therapist recommended to me as a "gender counsellor."  I saw her maybe a half-dozen times.  It became clear she knew less about what being trans was about than I did, and she concluded by saying she didn't think I was trans and didn't need to do anything.

Fortunately, I had learned enough about myself to recognize that these therapists were way off base (and potentially harmful), but if I'd met them 20-30 years earlier, they could have done a lot of damage.

The thing is, a therapist who is good for one person may be horribly wrong for another.  The therapist's personality may be a bad fit for some patients, they may have particular flaws or limitations which may be no problem for some patients but disastrous for another.

[Dena]

Three therapist, all male, two endos male and only now do I have my first female treating me. What was important to me is that they know their stuff and the treat me with respect. Beyond that, it doesn't matter.

[EmilyMK03]

Three therapist, all male, two endos male and only now do I have my first female treating me. What was important to me is that they know their stuff and the treat me with respect. Beyond that, it doesn't matter.

Yes, yes, and yes!  I felt and still feel the same way.  I want someone who really knows their stuff and treats me with respect.  My [male] gender therapist had experience working with other MtF transsexuals before me, and that was more important to me than whether my therapist was a man or a woman.  He is also part of a group practice that has many LGBT clients, so that was also an important factor.  My therapist's gender was one of the least important factors for me.

[chris.deee]

Three therapist, all male, two endos male and only now do I have my first female treating me. What was important to me is that they know their stuff and the treat me with respect. Beyond that, it doesn't matter.

I haven't had gender therapy, but I've had regular therapy from two therapists: first was cis female, second was cis male.

I was super comfortable opening up everything to them.

Both were fantastic. 

It's all about the individual. 

[Quinn]

I thank everyone for their responses and feedback, i'm going to call this therapist and give him a try and see if I am comfortable and can work with him.
Ive only had therapy one other time a few years ago for anxiety due to a medical issue I was having at the time, this therapist happened to be cis female with 30 years exp. at the first visit she had me go buy a cognitive behavior workbook. She would tell you what chapter to read at the end of each session, the sessions were me talking about what I read in the book, I saw here for about 3 months, she never gave me any feedback at all. That approach didn't work for me at all, Im 50 so treatment like I was in grade school wasn't the right approach i need adult feedback.
So I can see the point of the therapists knowledge and experience being more important. 

[jendawn47]

i was lucky and found one that was covered by my insurance who was female.  i like you was a lot more comfortable talking with a female counselor.  Mine was recommended by my support group.  good luck and i wish you the best

jennifer

[AnxietyDisord3r]

The thing is, a therapist who is good for one person may be horribly wrong for another.  The therapist's personality may be a bad fit for some patients, they may have particular flaws or limitations which may be no problem for some patients but disastrous for another.

This is just an excellent point. You don't know how well you're going to mess with a therapist until you meet them. Also, there is a risk in paying too much for a therapist in that psychologically there's this effect from you making this risky decision financially that will cause you to double down and treat that therapist's pronouncements as the Word of God--and what if that therapist is wrong? You need to be able to calmly accept or reject a therapist's pronouncements because they aren't a god. I would try the male therapist and decide how you feel after the appt. There are gender therapists advertising online for a lot less than $190 per hour if the guy in your network doesn't work out.