In support of RLE: a retrospective appreciation

[R R H]

When I first heard that two-year RLE (Real-life experience) was a requirement to receive public funding, and complete several legal facets of transitioning, I likened it to sending a new recruit to the front line in order to train as a soldier. The insistence that someone should be either fully male or female seemed to buy into society's gender binary stereotyping. Finally, it seemed to bring out all the worst undertones of professional gatekeepers.

However, having gone through the process I have come to appreciate it. It's true that it's easy to say that now that I'm properly 'in the system.' But RLE proved to be helpful for me. I was letting a few things drift: some legal matters like documentary changes and at least one work-colleague relationship that needed updating. I was in danger of coasting and RLE helped me to sort out my values and tie off those remaining loose ends. In other words, it provided a spur. I knew what I wanted and went for it.

If we're going to be publicly funded isn't there something fair about that?

[AnonyMs]

I'm a bit confused, I thought you were going via Thailand now? That's not 'in the system' is it?

[R R H]

Hola! Sorry for the confusion.

UK:
Hormones
Electrolysis
Voice therapy and
? GRS

Thailand:
FFS
BA
GRS if not in the UK (depends on funding and how the NHS referral shapes up)

There's a lot to be done

[Maybebaby56]

Rachel,

Glad it worked out for you.

It sure as hell hasn't been helpful for me.  I feel very boxed in and not in control of my own transition. I have felt compelled to do things that I do not believe were in my best interest at this time, specifically concerning my relationship with my children. I would have preferred SRS first then FFS, but I can't afford to do both without insurance, and that means following WPATH guidelines. 

Sorry to be bitchy, but I am not in a good place right now.

With kindness,

Terri

[AnonyMs]

I don't agree with it in general for many reasons, but in the end I'm not willing to give others control over how I live my life.

Regarding public funding, there needs to be some rules on how it's used, but the uk system appears abusive in itself. I've no idea which way causes more harm.

I can appreciate how it's helped you, but I don't think that applies to everyone.

I feel great relief that I don't have to deal with these problems. I've got enough problems without other people adding to it.

[kaitylynn]

When everything was viewed solely on a binary system where you were expected to be a certain way to qualify, I could see where it could be useful.  In today's world where it is widely recognized that we are not truly binary though, how it is applied becomes subjective to what someone else expects you to be.  I am not doing any of this for that purpose...

I am happy that I have private insurance and options.

Please do not take this as that I am not happy it has had a positive effect on you in regards to your transition.  I am glad that you gained something by it.  Overall though, RLE is based on a model that is outdated in the view of every therapist I have seen and should be abolished or at least modified to reflect the times.  Any requirement should be tailored to the individual.

[Brooke]

I do wish the wpath guidelines were nota requirement for public funds.

I am about 5 months into the RLE and although I am passing just fine, I find I'm continually outing myself every time I have to show ID. My name is legally changed but my gender can't be changed until I have surgery, which process can't even be started (through insurance) until I have one full year of RLE.

Sometimes RLE just seems cruel. Feels like it's become "if you can handle presenting as female AND constantly outing yourself, you might be a good candidate to go stealth"

Kinda frustrating and feels counterproductive for a RLE.  In my own experience I have outed myself more in the past 4 months than I have in all the years I lived part time.


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[R R H]

Hi Terri, Brooke and others,

I'm really sorry for the negative and hurtful experiences you have had with it. I think it's very true that it is both outdated and binary focused. Gender recognition certification is a particularly dreadful process in the UK. My brother, who is gay, frequently raises the point that transgenders have far fewer rights than gays and lesbians.

However, what do we do about the public funding issue? There must surely be some sort of process, involving professionals, who assess a person's eligibility? Does there not need to be a psychological element to that? As it happens I knew I wanted to transition aged 15 when I wrote off for hormones. But suppose I was muddled at the time? Doesn't there need to be a 'period of reflection' before public funding begins? In my own case I found, looking back, that it has been useful as a spur to sort out some loose ends. But I know it's easy to say that now I've been approved for treatment. I'd probably be cursing the whole system if it hadn't been positive.

I just think if we're using public funding there must be some element of scrutiny and accountability, no? At the very least it means a period of reflection before funding begins for various treatments.

I guess I'm just trying to see the point behind a much maligned system. Despite its serious flaws and potential for emotional damage, I can see some aspects that have a purpose.

Hugs and peace x

[Brooke]

I totally get what your saying Rachel. I guess my pet peeve isn't with the hoop jumping so much as that it's the same set of hoops no matter the individual.

I wish the requirements for public funding was more tailored.

I for instance was on the lottery jackpot end of the genetic lottery for trans. I never developed strong male characteristics, no sharp jaw, very small Adam's apple, high voice that didn't deepen in puberty, very little facial hair, and as a side effect of medications during puberty, extremely low testosterone and a solid A cup.

I got gendered as female about 80% of the time in public, and most of career has been remote IT work, over the phone, with a gender neutral name.

So when I decided to transition I knew that I could pass, knew what it felt like to interact in society as female. A few months into HRT I couldn't pass for male even if I tried.

Thing is that with all the legal stuff, name changes etc under my Beale my only tells these days are the gender marker on my ID, and male genitalia that gets flagged by TSA.

I imagine that it's a sharper contrast than I was used to, and did not expect the reason I would be outing myself constantly was due to gender markers, not the failure to pass.

Now I know that I am blessed to pass so easily, but I also feel that proves a point. The wpath guidelines changed from a list of requirements to a list of suggestions but insurance is not willing to go with a tailored plan or recommendations by my healthcare providers, nor are the courts in area to change gender marker.

So yes, I believe there should be requirements, but I also believe those requirements and recommendations should be dictated by healthcare professionals on a individual basis, rather than a blanket policy set by public and government institutions and organizations.

It kinda feels like other health requirements where escalation of care is required. Like try these 5 drugs and these 4 therapies before getting authorization for the drug and therapies the physician and patient know will work.

Bottom line I don't like when patient care is taken out of the hand of the patient and physician.

/end rant


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[JS UK]

When I first heard that two-year RLE (Real-life experience) was a requirement to receive public funding, and complete several legal facets of transitioning, I likened it to sending a new recruit to the front line in order to train as a soldier. The insistence that someone should be either fully male or female seemed to buy into society's gender binary stereotyping. Finally, it seemed to bring out all the worst undertones of professional gatekeepers.

However, having gone through the process I have come to appreciate it. It's true that it's easy to say that now that I'm properly 'in the system.' But RLE proved to be helpful for me. I was letting a few things drift: some legal matters like documentary changes and at least one work-colleague relationship that needed updating. I was in danger of coasting and RLE helped me to sort out my values and tie off those remaining loose ends. In other words, it provided a spur. I knew what I wanted and went for it.

If we're going to be publicly funded isn't there something fair about that?

I'm in the UK (Scotland) and understand that it's one year RLE before SRS. I hope things are different here and that I'm not wrong on this. Two years RLE means that my life can't move on for almost two and a half years and I'd find that very difficult to deal with.

J

[cheryl reeves]

I'm very pro RLE,i had a online friend who transitioned without RLE and wound up regretting her transition. I been living RLE as male my whole life,and being stealth about actually being a female with Mr penis attached,i have a dominant name and can pass easily if I shaved,but people here have gotten used to the costume I put in every day, so I bounce around alot on my times to be the feminine me,my wife has gotten alittle used to the feminine side of me and has helped me progress even more,but stop at hormones for I already pass without them.

[cheryl reeves]

I'm very pro RLE,i had a online friend who transitioned without RLE and wound up regretting her transition. I been living RLE as male my whole life,and being stealth about actually being a female with Mr penis attached,i have a feminine name and can pass easily if I shaved,but people here have gotten used to the costume I put in every day, so I bounce around alot on my times to be the feminine me,my wife has gotten alittle used to the feminine side of me and has helped me progress even more,but stop at hormones for I already pass without them.

[Maybebaby56]

However, what do we do about the public funding issue? There must surely be some sort of process, involving professionals, who assess a person's eligibility? Does there not need to be a psychological element to that? As it happens I knew I wanted to transition aged 15 when I wrote off for hormones. But suppose I was muddled at the time? Doesn't there need to be a 'period of reflection' before public funding begins? In my own case I found, looking back, that it has been useful as a spur to sort out some loose ends. But I know it's easy to say that now I've been approved for treatment. I'd probably be cursing the whole system if it hadn't been positive.

Hi Rachel,

You do raise some valid points. My situation is somewhat different as I live in the US and pay for private insurance.  No matter what the system, there are a whole thicket of issues related to medical ethics and legal liability that can't just be wished away, and I acknowledge that.  There are already requirements for letters from two mental health providers for SRS, and I have no problem with some sort of clinical evaluation being required for such a life-changing event. 

The requirements for FFS are much less stringent, although I have found from personal experience that some surgeons want to know if you have been seeing therapist and how long, and if you are on hormones.  I think that is also reasonable.  I can also tell you from personal experience that having FFS can also be a life-changing experience, and yet the attitude of many seems to be, "well, it's just cosmetic surgery".  Well it's a hell of lot more than that.  It puts your transition out there, front and center, whether you like it or not.  It changes your identity as perceived by others far more than SRS does. 

I was already fairly passable without FFS.  I would have gotten far more satisfaction out of having my "downstairs issue" corrected and then having the option of deciding when to have FFS.  This RLE requirement really put me in a corner.   But, I think I'm derailing your thread.  I think the only point I wanted to make is that transition is really eff-ing hard to begin with, and everyone's transition is unique.  People should be able to decide how they can best cope.  The WPATH guidelines right now make that just about impossible.

With kindness,

Terri

[Maybebaby56]

I'm very pro RLE,i had a online friend who transitioned without RLE and wound up regretting her transition. I been living RLE as male my whole life,and being stealth about actually being a female with Mr penis attached,i have a dominant name and can pass easily if I shaved,but people here have gotten used to the costume I put in every day, so I bounce around alot on my times to be the feminine me,my wife has gotten alittle used to the feminine side of me and has helped me progress even more,but stop at hormones for I already pass without them.

Cheryl,

Sorry about your friend, but her life is not my life and I resent being forced to compromise my choices because she made choices she regrets. I'm glad you have found something that works for you,  but your lifestyle choices would be completely inappropriate for me. I am quite gender binary. I can't stand body hair, especially facial hair, and I hate having a penis.

~Terri

[cheryl reeves]

Cheryl,

Sorry about your friend, but her life is not my life and I resent being forced to compromise my choices because she made choices she regrets. I'm glad you have found something that works for you,  but your lifestyle choices would be completely inappropriate for me. I am quite gender binary. I can't stand body hair, especially facial hair, and I hate having a penis.

~Terri

To me REL gives one a perspective on what living as a woman is all about,being a woman is not all what some make of it,its not all glamour and sex,its hard work,I know this by watching my wife and being around her for 28 yrs. I would have no problem living full time if I wanted for I already know what I'm getting into. I know we are all different and have different dysphoria,mine is far different for I learned to control it.

[kaitylynn]

To me REL gives one a perspective on what living as a woman is all about,being a woman is not all what some make of it,its not all glamour and sex,its hard work,I know this by watching my wife and being around her for 28 yrs. I would have no problem living full time if I wanted for I already know what I'm getting into. I know we are all different and have different dysphoria,mine is far different for I learned to control it.

What is 'living full time' and who gets to define it?  I pull out my ID, it says I am female.  Does that count?  I have breasts that are there always, always visible.  Is that it?  Is it dressing a certain way?  Wearing makeup?  Having a subjective look taken where someone tells you you are 'passing'?

I have interacted with society as a woman for most of my adult life.  As a kid, I did what needed to be done to survive and as soon as I was able...I let me come to the fore.  I do not wear dresses often at all.  Not that I cannot, I just do not prefer them.  I rarely wear any makeup as by lunch time I would look the part of a raccoon.  So does this mean that I have to change yet another thing, something that I have no real control over in order to be blessed with the option of surgically correcting something that I find to be a cosmic joke played upon me through chromosomes?

For those in a system that offers only publicly funded options, guess self guided control is just not an option.  The 'public' funds, they get to tell you how it will be.  In places where that is not the case, we should have options that reflect who we already are and any requirements should take only that in to account.

[RobynD]

Agreeing with Kaitlyn the whole term seems ambiguous. How feminine must you be to get approval?
If it works for some that is fantastic and what an awesome option. Mandated? I just can't see it.

It will be interesting to see what happens in the US when the largely inevitable public health system is in place.