Quote from: dmj23 on October 21, 2016, 09:49:09 PM
I was born female supposedly. I mean I am female in such a way no one will ever have to know otherwise basically. I could have kids and a husband and no one would ever know. I always knew I wasn't like them other women though. I have slight masculine features like a broad chest and shoulders and very narrow hips I've been actually compared to like transphobic I guess jokes because of it. I also have a deepish voice it's like 200 hzs maybe 195 when I wake and really don't care. I sould basically like a prepubescent boy. And I have a lot of body hair for a woman I even have small amounts of chest hair. But I look really feminine because I have soft facial features kind like short underdeveloped features and really tiny hands small build short height and huge boobs. So of course no one notices the masculine qualities but myself. But the thing is I did a DNA test recently that showed I have Y chromosomal material. And not even like a little but quite a lot. Implying my chromosomes are actually xyx or xxy. I of course am going to a doctor to get it all figured out.
But what is really taking a hit from this news is my confidence. Confidence in actually being a woman. I never identified as a woman. When I was a kid I had male cousins and male friends and even a brother. And I always thought somehow I'd grow up like them. I never felt like I was different. I went through puberty way early so I couldn't really understand what was going on but by 12 I knew I was somehow on the wrong road. Like I knew somehow I was supposed to be experiencing development as a boy not a girl. And I tried to ignore it because I would say things people like family would think I was even more crazy. I tried to hide it and ignore it and embrace being a woman. But when I was 18 I got female roommates and I realized these girls were very different from me. And I felt like my interest in men was a same sex attraction I felt like I aligned better with guys and I got to know some gay men and I identified closely with the ones that were more moderately masculine. I still never understood how I could feel like any gender I just related better with men than women. An have always felt somehow I was really a guy. And now knowing I am and was in some sense male. It makes feel odd about actually trying to identify as a woman. For years I said I was transgender but I never had a desire to change my body I've always like being me. But I've always known I wasn't a woman still or at least not like the people that do identify as women. I just don't really know what I am now... Am I gay or not? I mean in my head I am. My genetics show a link and why my head's all messed up on the perception with men. But at the same time I have female body. That on most levels is just a female. Advice?
You are female and have some extra Y chromosomes which accounts for the masculine features. The most essential parts of you are female. You have female genitalia and you have ovaries that have eggs in them, hence the menstruation. If you only have female genitalia that is obviously so and have no hint of male genitalia then there is no ambiguity. So you are not intersex in the strict sense of what that is.
You have identification issues because of your appearance being affected by the masculine features which you say only you can see so that is a self perception. You also report feeling more comfortable and more yourself with men than with women.
You are not a gay man if you identify as female and like men, you are a heterosexual woman.
If you identify as male then you are trans male and I guess technically you are a gay trans male
You say that you feel you are trans but never wanted to change your body because you like your body well enough.
You don't have to want to change your body to be transgender.
Many of us do want to change our bodies but that has to do with how we want to identify as the transgender and our sense of what our body should look like to match that identification.
I think you are a trans male and setting aside the Y chromosome which just helps confuse the issue of what you feel you are because it mixes the physical with the mental.
Physically for the most part you are female, but mentally you feel male and identify more strongly with men.
You talk about the makeup of your body and what it can do, menstruate, bear children, big boobs, soft facial features. This is your physical identity.
When you speak of what you feel and what makes you more comfortable and how you identify, that is your state of being. It is this that you are wondering about and as I said before it points to being trans male.
I hope this made sense to you and is helpful.
