If you're interested in the medical/clinical side of this, I found this to be quite informative:
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htmShe has a lot of other good information, too:
http://www.avitale.com/Essaylist.htmhttp://www.avitale.com/TNotelist.htmQuote from: TheWalkingSadness on November 15, 2016, 08:23:28 AMI just feel like if [...] a scientist would tell me it's OK I would feel better :S
Well, I have a PhD in chemistry, so I guess that makes me a scientist...
It's ok
What I've learned from the tons of research I've been doing over the last few months is that the current understanding of ->-bleeped-<- stems from our fetal development. Our bodies and minds start out female when they begin to develop, and eventually our XX/XY chromosomes cause our genitals to form. And that's
all they determine.
After the testes or ovaries develop, they flood our prenatal bodies with testosterone or estrogen, respectively. This is responsible for everything else -- breasts, bone structure, body hair, etc; all of it comes form the hormones. For trans* people, something doesn't work out quite as planned -- the hormones aren't quite right, and parts of us, notably our brains, are affected. As our brains develop, the hormonal environment of the fetus plays a role in that. Women's brains function differently than men's, and have distinguishing characteristics. In the first paper I linked above, Dr. Vitale describes (and provides references to) clinic research where MTF transsexuals' brains were examined post-mortem, and found to have female, not male, physical characteristics. There are later studies where researchers were able to produce mice with transgender traits -- their brain structures showed characteristics of one sex, while they had the other sex's genitals.
At the end of the day, a transgendered individual's brain is not aligned to that of their sex, whether it's all the way to the other side (transsexual) or somewhere in between male and female (non-binary/genderfluid/etc). Psychologically this causes a lot of problems, which most people here know all too well. But physically, it's a rather tidy problem: The brain is simply working with a different testosterone/estrogen ratio than it expected. This is why HRT often relieves the dysphoria and improves our lives -- it shifts our brain chemistry to where it ought to be for proper function.
So, it's ok to feel this way. It's a legitimate medical issue and, despite how our cultures may judge us, there's nothing wrong about it.
I agree with the others -- try to find a way to talk to someone about it. Maybe a school counselor? Maybe there's a local LGBT safe-spot nearby where you could find someone to talk with? Try to find, and contact, a gender therapist in your area and explain your financial/family/etc situation. They may know of an option that might work (for instance, my therapist's office teams up with local student interns from a nearby university to offer gender therapy for as little as $10 / session).
Best of luck, and don't be afraid to talk with us here. We understand what you're feeling and can help.
