Worried about transiting (FTM)

[npgb]

Hi, 

I am looking for advice, I have just registered to get an appointment at my local transgender clinic, but is a 12 month waiting period!  So I was thinking of starting my transition in the mean time, but I am worried about my job! As I am a lifeguard, which I need to do in water training very 2 weeks! And be in close contact with my colleagues. As well as the possibility of jumping in at anytime!

Right now I feel like the only way I can go forward is to quit my job!

I would like to know how you feel about going swimming?

Also how did your colleagues take it?

If you have any advice or stories I would love to hear it



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[Lily Rose]

  why do you feel you need to quit your job?

please forgive me if this is to personal.

[Rachel]

Hi You can get female board shorts and a female rashguard.

I had overwhelming support where I work when I came out but I work in a Hospital in Philadelphia, USA. I do not how LGBT issues are where you live. We also have a LGBT policy which is pretty strict on outcomes for harassment.

Advise, go to group, talk to your HR representative and then supervisor when you are ready.

When I came out and expressed at work I was really apprehensive. I explained everything pertinent to 8 groups of staff. I think 5 or 6 hours. I was very self conscious the following weeks. Then things calmed down and I established my new normal.

[npgb]

  why do you feel you need to quit your job?

please forgive me if this is to personal.

I just feel that I would be very self conscious! Especially at the start

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[npgb]

Hi You can get female board shorts and a female rashguard.

I had overwhelming support where I work when I came out but I work in a Hospital in Philadelphia, USA. I do not how LGBT issues are where you live. We also have a LGBT policy which is pretty strict on outcomes for harassment.

Advise, go to group, talk to your HR representative and then supervisor when you are ready.

When I came out and expressed at work I was really apprehensive. I explained everything pertinent to 8 groups of staff. I think 5 or 6 hours. I was very self conscious the following weeks. Then things calmed down and I established my new normal.

I never really thought about researching clothes that I could use..  Maybe I should, thanks for the ideas

I really hope that I would get good support from my work colleagues,  I am in the UK,  and the laws are very strict here too so I don't think they would get away with any discrimination, but if people had concerns or problems I would rather they talked to me about it, but I don't know if I am ready to even talk about it though.

It good to hear that your self consciousness did calm down, maybe it would be the same for me and my colleagues and myself would just get used to it

[Lily Rose]

  i only asked because it would seem to me a life guard would be something a-kin to a e.m.t. this is not a carer someone ends up stuck in. if you enjoy being a life guard, should quitting be a last resort? if it is what you wear, would what rachel suggested be a great idea?

 

[FTMDiaries]

Some people do quit their jobs, and that can be a good solution if you'd prefer to transition privately & then move back into the workforce afterwards. But there's no need for you to do it if you don't want to: you're covered by the Equality Act 2010, which gives your employers a responsibility to ensure you are not harassed or victimised for transitioning (or intending to transition).

You most certainly can continue to be a lifeguard whilst transitioning. It's not clear whether you work at a pool or at the sea, but both are very much doable. If you choose to bind your chest, you can wear a binder. If you work at a pool, you can wear the binder under a rashguard with male swimming shorts as worn by your other male colleagues. If you work at the sea, you can wear the binder, then a rashguard, then your wet suit. No problems whatsoever. You can switch to the male uniform (if there is one) immediately if you choose. You're entitled to paid time off for any medical appointments to do with your transition (and you can wait 12 months for the NHS, or pay about £200 and go privately if you prefer).

It's perfectly natural to feel self-consicous at this stage, but it does indeed get better. Unfortunately, we all go through a phase of being more visible as we transition, but your body will eventually masculinise and your silhouette will improve, so you won't have to feel awkward forever. It really does get better.

Your colleagues are not permitted to give you a hard time or bully you (in my experience, most colleagues are absolutely brilliant) but if anyone does give you uphill, you can complain about them & your employers have to take disciplinary action against them. Your employers can get in very hot water (pun intended) if they allow their staff to discriminate against you.

You're also entitled to use whatever changing & toilet facilities you prefer. You can switch to the male ones straight away if you like, or you could use female or disabled facilities until you're more comfortable. Remember: 'disabled' facilities are actually 'accessible' facilities; they're intended for people who have a good reason to need them. That does include you.

Have a look at your employer's non-discrimination policy, then talk to the appropriate person. Good luck!

[Sophia Sage]

Hi, 

I am looking for advice, I have just registered to get an appointment at my local transgender clinic, but is a 12 month waiting period!  So I was thinking of starting my transition in the mean time, but I am worried about my job!

Where are you located?  Maybe you could find help somewhere else that doesn't have such a long waiting period. As FTMDiaries points out, all it takes is money to go a private provider.

As for transition, it doesn't happen overnight, especially when you haven't even started hormones.  Just relying on your narrative is not going to get you gendered male on a regular and consistent basis.  So start small.  Find a local support group (don't need a clinic for that) and get tips on how to start changing your presentation.  Get different clothes, a different haircut, and see about binding.  Work out, start building those muscles!  Figure out how to pack discreetly.  You might get read as "butch" before you get read as male, but you'll be heading in the right direction.

It's called "transition" because it takes place over time.  You can present differently in different contexts, and slowly increase which contexts you transition in.  Come out to your most supportive friends.  Start going out to low-stress places in public, like the grocer and so forth. 

Save your work environment for last.  Assuming you'll want some kind of surgery at some point, you'll need financing, and the last thing you want is to be unemployed or regularly uncomfortable.  Some employers are great, others are not.  Considering that as a lifeguard your body will be very exposed, I'd wait until you've manifested some actual physical changes before transitioning at work, or you might find yourself very unhappily misgendered on a consistent basis.  In fact, wait until your physical changes are so apparent that someone start gendering you correctly -- when you "fail" at the mode they're currently expecting of you.  In the meantime, get clothes for lifeguarding that are appropriate for a man, and make sure they actually work for you so you're ready to go when the time is right.  You might consider saving work until you've been on hormones for enough time to start growing facial hair.  Give people what they'd expect of the real you, and they will want to help you.

And if you can't wait, you might find yourself less dysphoric in a line of work that doesn't expose you so much.

[FTMax]

I don't mind swimming. Before top surgery, I would just wear an older binder underneath a swimming top with trunks. Never had any issues.

[npgb]

Where are you located?  Maybe you could find help somewhere else that doesn't have such a long waiting period. As FTMDiaries points out, all it takes is money to go a private provider.

As for transition, it doesn't happen overnight, especially when you haven't even started hormones.  Just relying on your narrative is not going to get you gendered male on a regular and consistent basis.  So start small.  Find a local support group (don't need a clinic for that) and get tips on how to start changing your presentation.  Get different clothes, a different haircut, and see about binding.  Work out, start building those muscles!  Figure out how to pack discreetly.  You might get read as "butch" before you get read as male, but you'll be heading in the right direction.

It's called "transition" because it takes place over time.  You can present differently in different contexts, and slowly increase which contexts you transition in.  Come out to your most supportive friends.  Start going out to low-stress places in public, like the grocer and so forth. 

Save your work environment for last.  Assuming you'll want some kind of surgery at some point, you'll need financing, and the last thing you want is to be unemployed or regularly uncomfortable.  Some employers are great, others are not.  Considering that as a lifeguard your body will be very exposed, I'd wait until you've manifested some actual physical changes before transitioning at work, or you might find yourself very unhappily misgendered on a consistent basis.  In fact, wait until your physical changes are so apparent that someone start gendering you correctly -- when you "fail" at the mode they're currently expecting of you.  In the meantime, get clothes for lifeguarding that are appropriate for a man, and make sure they actually work for you so you're ready to go when the time is right.  You might consider saving work until you've been on hormones for enough time to start growing facial hair.  Give people what they'd expect of the real you, and they will want to help you.

And if you can't wait, you might find yourself less dysphoric in a line of work that doesn't expose you so much.

Hi,  thanks so much for all your info I will be taking on some of your advice joining a local support group will help me a lot I think.

I'm in Scotland so Glasgow is my closest and biggest centre.  Benefits of being in the UK means I can get funding on the NHS. Correct me if I am wrong but if I go privately then I can't go back to the NHS, it would be affordable for appointments and hormones etc but when it comes to surgery then that might not be. 

I definitely feel I would be more comfortable in a job where I won't be as exposed and it's true I don't want to be a lifeguard forever so it's not that big of a deal really, finding another job is the problem, I will definitely wait till last to tell my employer if I need to, hopefully going to go some training courses in the new year

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[npgb]

Some people do quit their jobs, and that can be a good solution if you'd prefer to transition privately & then move back into the workforce afterwards. But there's no need for you to do it if you don't want to: you're covered by the Equality Act 2010, which gives your employers a responsibility to ensure you are not harassed or victimised for transitioning (or intending to transition).

You most certainly can continue to be a lifeguard whilst transitioning. It's not clear whether you work at a pool or at the sea, but both are very much doable. If you choose to bind your chest, you can wear a binder. If you work at a pool, you can wear the binder under a rashguard with male swimming shorts as worn by your other male colleagues. If you work at the sea, you can wear the binder, then a rashguard, then your wet suit. No problems whatsoever. You can switch to the male uniform (if there is one) immediately if you choose. You're entitled to paid time off for any medical appointments to do with your transition (and you can wait 12 months for the NHS, or pay about £200 and go privately if you prefer).

It's perfectly natural to feel self-consicous at this stage, but it does indeed get better. Unfortunately, we all go through a phase of being more visible as we transition, but your body will eventually masculinise and your silhouette will improve, so you won't have to feel awkward forever. It really does get better.

Your colleagues are not permitted to give you a hard time or bully you (in my experience, most colleagues are absolutely brilliant) but if anyone does give you uphill, you can complain about them & your employers have to take disciplinary action against them. Your employers can get in very hot water (pun intended) if they allow their staff to discriminate against you.

You're also entitled to use whatever changing & toilet facilities you prefer. You can switch to the male ones straight away if you like, or you could use female or disabled facilities until you're more comfortable. Remember: 'disabled' facilities are actually 'accessible' facilities; they're intended for people who have a good reason to need them. That does include you.

Have a look at your employer's non-discrimination policy, then talk to the appropriate person. Good luck!

I think you hit the nail on the head! It is about privacy!  I am a very private person as it is!  If I could I would go travelling for the first few months on my transition! But I think a lot of people would like this haha.

I'm not sure on the rules of going private then switching back to the NHS, I would need to look into it.

Where are you located?  Maybe you could find help somewhere else that doesn't have such a long waiting period. As FTMDiaries points out, all it takes is money to go a private provider.

As for transition, it doesn't happen overnight, especially when you haven't even started hormones.  Just relying on your narrative is not going to get you gendered male on a regular and consistent basis.  So start small.  Find a local support group (don't need a clinic for that) and get tips on how to start changing your presentation.  Get different clothes, a different haircut, and see about binding.  Work out, start building those muscles!  Figure out how to pack discreetly.  You might get read as "butch" before you get read as male, but you'll be heading in the right direction.

It's called "transition" because it takes place over time.  You can present differently in different contexts, and slowly increase which contexts you transition in.  Come out to your most supportive friends.  Start going out to low-stress places in public, like the grocer and so forth. 

Save your work environment for last.  Assuming you'll want some kind of surgery at some point, you'll need financing, and the last thing you want is to be unemployed or regularly uncomfortable.  Some employers are great, others are not.  Considering that as a lifeguard your body will be very exposed, I'd wait until you've manifested some actual physical changes before transitioning at work, or you might find yourself very unhappily misgendered on a consistent basis.  In fact, wait until your physical changes are so apparent that someone start gendering you correctly -- when you "fail" at the mode they're currently expecting of you.  In the meantime, get clothes for lifeguarding that are appropriate for a man, and make sure they actually work for you so you're ready to go when the time is right.  You might consider saving work until you've been on hormones for enough time to start growing facial hair.  Give people what they'd expect of the real you, and they will want to help you.

And if you can't wait, you might find yourself less dysphoric in a line of work that doesn't expose you so much.

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[LiliFee]

Perhaps the £200 wasn't meant as a monthly fee to switch to a private health insurance. You could also go to a non-NHS psychologist, get your diagnosis + referral and get the rest paid for by the NHS again. Would that work? It would cost you a bit of money, but it would also make you skip the 12 month waiting period.

Nobody said anything about cheating...

[Elis]

I'm doing the private and NHS route; as it's a 13 month wait for Charing Cross. I went to a private GIC to see a therapist and then when I got my letter I went to my NHS GP to get my T prescription. I'm also on the waiting list for Charing Cross to get top surgery. Lots of people take this route; the doctor at the the private GIC didn't think it odd.

It cost around £500 out of pocket overall but worth it.

[FTMDiaries]

I'm in Scotland so Glasgow is my closest and biggest centre.  Benefits of being in the UK means I can get funding on the NHS. Correct me if I am wrong but if I go privately then I can't go back to the NHS, it would be affordable for appointments and hormones etc but when it comes to surgery then that might not be. 

Great! So you have access to the Sandyford, and as I'm sure you're aware you can self-refer there without even seeing your GP first. There are a couple of NHS GICs dotted around Scotland: Glasgow, Edinburgh Inverness and Aberdeen. Just be aware that the biggest centre is not necessarily the best one to go to: if everyone's heard of it, then everyone asks to be referred there so the queues tend to be longer. If the other GICs are within reach, it wouldn't hurt to ring them and ask what their current waiting times are.

You could also ask your GP wether they'd be willing to write you a bridging prescription for T whilst you wait for the Sandyford. There are several trans guys in Scotland going this route. There are no guarantees that your GP will do this: it's at their discretion and many GPs prefer to wait until they've had an expert opinion. But it doesn't hurt to ask.

And I'm afraid you're misinformed: you can go back to the NHS after going private. Plenty of people start off with one of the private doctors (mostly in London, sadly - but you could see Dr Lyndsey Myskow in Edinburgh) whilst waiting for their NHS appointment to come around, and then the NHS GIC takes over their care. The NHS GIC usually asks you to decide within your first 3 appointments whether you want to continue with the NHS or private: if you choose NHS you get the whole shebang (hormones, therapy, surgery) on the NHS as per usual; if you choose to continue seeing a private doctor they'll discharge you from NHS GIC care & you'd have to fund everything yourself. Of course, practically no-one chooses that second option.

I think you hit the nail on the head! It is about privacy!  I am a very private person as it is!  If I could I would go travelling for the first few months on my transition! But I think a lot of people would like this haha.

Yes, this was one of my main stumbling blocks early in transition, as I'm very private too and I can't stand other people knowing private stuff about me. You feel a heck of a lot more exposed when you're transitioning... but it's only temporary. If you transition on the job, your colleagues will have known you as female before and they'll know you're trans, and no matter what you do there's always a chance they'll gossip about you behind your back. Some people are like that. This is one of the reasons why of us choose to transition privately at home & then return to work later. But of course, very few of us can afford to do that! I had no choice but to transition, and I couldn't afford to quit my job, so I just transitioned on the job & had to get over my fear of people knowing private stuff about me. It wasn't a walk in the park, but I coped & I came through it stronger than ever. I still work at the same place today.

Then there's also the way we're perceived in public. Pre-transition, I could easily blend in as a cis female so the only people who stared were guys who were attracted to me, and women who were jealous of me. When I started my transition, the average punter thought I was a lesbian which meant quite a few unwelcome stares, and to my pain & dismay I became completely invisible to men. Then as the hormones started working & I started to look neither male nor female, those looks ramped up enormously. But after about 8 months on hormones I got to the point where my appearance was recognisably male, and the stares stopped. Now I just pass as a (very short!) cis male, and things are 10000% better than ever before. I'm invisible again, but I'm perceived correctly so I don't have that daily agony of being presumed to be female.

[npgb]

I'm doing the private and NHS route

If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for you start T, from making the appointment?
As it stands right now it's over a year away, maybe longer to wait for 2nd appointments etc.  In a way this doesn't bother me as I still need to come to terms with coming out. On the other hand I want to know all my options if this makes sense

I'm doing the private and NHS route; as it's a 13 month wait for Charing Cross. I went to a private GIC to see a therapist and then when I got my letter I went to my NHS GP to get my T prescription. I'm also on the waiting list for Charing Cross to get top surgery. Lots of people take this route; the doctor at the the private GIC didn't think it odd.

It cost around £500 out of pocket overall but worth it.

[Elis]

   
If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for you start T, from making the appointment?
As it stands right now it's over a year away, maybe longer to wait for 2nd appointments etc.  In a way this doesn't bother me as I still need to come to terms with coming out. On the other hand I want to know all my options if this makes sense

It took about 6 months. It was an unusual 2 month wait for my initial consultation and a month wait for my first therapy appointment; due to an influx of new patients; which is likely caused by long NHS waiting times.

The doctor I saw at the initial consultation recommended only 4 therapy appointments for myself; so ofc it'll vary from each individual patient. And my therapist liked to have 3 weeks between each appointment so that added some more time to get my prescription. But in the plus side my GP was not prejudiced and gave me my prescription with no problems.

[npgb]

Great! So you have access to the Sandyford, and as I'm sure you're aware you can self-refer there without even seeing your GP first. There are a couple of NHS GICs dotted around Scotland: Glasgow, Edinburgh Inverness and Aberdeen. Just be aware that the biggest centre is not necessarily the best one to go to

I never really thought about other centres, Edinburgh seems a good shout as it's not really that far thanks for suggesting it Thanks for the link for that Dr will keep it in mind if I decide to go private.

My work as it is, is a very bitchly place, a few of the staff hate each other, and run into problems very so often.  I am pretty sure that they bitch about me too, but as no one really knows private stuff about me it doesn't bother me, I am worried might start to bother me if they knew who I really am. 

The other day was the first time I was invited out with the girls for lunch and some drinks, which made me feel so anxious as I don't want to go, I don't dislike them but I feel like I shouldn't be invited, would rather be apart of the lads group which I have never really been apart of either (I have only just realised since I admitted to myself that I am transgender, that I don't fit in not because I am not likable, but because I have been subconsciously telling myself I don't fit in with the girls).

[FTMDiaries]

I never really thought about other centres, Edinburgh seems a good shout as it's not really that far thanks for suggesting it Thanks for the link for that Dr will keep it in mind if I decide to go private.

You're welcome

My work as it is, is a very bitchly place, a few of the staff hate each other, and run into problems very so often.  I am pretty sure that they bitch about me too, but as no one really knows private stuff about me it doesn't bother me, I am worried might start to bother me if they knew who I really am. 

Yeah, if it's a bitchy workplace then you can bet they do talk about you behind your back, and they'll definitely try to talk about you if you announce your intention to transition. They can talk about each other all they like, but when it comes to your transition the law has got you covered... and where they could wind up losing their jobs if they try to make life difficult for you. It's not like just gossiping about each other; it's a much more serious matter.

The Equality Act makes it very clear that your employers have a duty of care to ensure you're provided with a working environment free from harassment and discrimination. Gender Reassignment is a Protected Characteristic under the Act, which means that from the instant you announce to your boss that you intend to transition, you're protected from your colleagues' gossiping. If they try to gossip about you, you can make an official complaint about Harassment under the Act, and your employers will have to investigate it & discipline or retrain your colleagues. And if they refuse to change, they can be fired. So who knows, you might wind up making it a better working environment for everyone by weeding out all the troublemakers!

The best way to handle it is to print out the Equality Act 2010, along with some basic but good info about what it means to be trans (GIRES has some good stuff), and present that to your boss (or HR rep) in a private meeting. Tell them you're trans & intend to transition, and tell them that you're worried about potential discrimination & back-biting from your colleagues. Ask them to give your colleagues some diversity training to prevent this, and tell them you expect their support should anyone react negatively. If you intend to tell your colleagues that you're transitioning, you can ask your boss or HR to be part of that meeting, and you can ask them to tell your colleagues that they may not harass you or discriminate against you, and that if they do they will face disciplinary action. If you know your rights, you're in a better position to enforce them... and to prevent problems from occurring in the first place.

The other day was the first time I was invited out with the girls for lunch and some drinks, which made me feel so anxious as I don't want to go, I don't dislike them but I feel like I shouldn't be invited, would rather be apart of the lads group which I have never really been apart of either (I have only just realised since I admitted to myself that I am transgender, that I don't fit in not because I am not likable, but because I have been subconsciously telling myself I don't fit in with the girls).

A lot of us experience this: I had trouble socialising because I was always expected to socialise with the girls, which of course is something I can't do because it's unnatural to me. Once I transitioned to the point that I passed full time, I was able to socialise with the men & it's so much easier to do. There's a learning curve involved because we weren't socialised as boys and young men whilst growing up, but that just means we have to learn all that stuff whilst transitioning rather than during childhood. We can still get there though.

[Nikolai]

it took me 2 months to be approved for T I was lucky, hope you can find a way that is good for you, I told my work  even before I had my first shot I just couldn't hold back, I'm allowed to be called by my preferred name it is amazing, 99% of my co workers didn't bat an eye, in this day and age it is more accepted to be trans, the only trouble I've come across at work is getting my co workers to remember to call me Niko but baby steps, I'd suggest doing things step by step and when you feel comfortable with yourself then tell your job, I'm pretty sure there should be policies that will protect you from being discriminated/fired by your boss, sure there will be the occasional person what will have trouble accepting, but don't let then tell you that you are a lessor person cause we are all equal and human.