My fiancee and I once over too many "Adult Beverages" played the game of "My Secret is Worse then Yours". Well she won, a few years later I lost. It is totally impossible to predict how an SO (on either side of this equation) will react in time as the realities (both real and imagined) of life slowly sinks in.
Speaking as a trans person, I can say with some authority that the lifelong battle with feelings of Shame and Guilt make it nearly impossible to talk about. In my case "Opening Up" used to be impossible. "Answering Questions" was far easier. The last thing I wanted to do as to just "Talk" about my feelings. Asking how I felt about X or Y was far easier.
My current wife, BFF, Soul-Mate, and Reality Therapist knew from Day 1 some 40 years about my Gender "Issues" and history of transition attempts and HRT. Yet some 40 years later it was difficult at best for her to deal with me dropping the T-Bomb on her. I was never a big touchie feelie talker sort of person. Talking suddenly became a skill I needed to learn ASAP if there was going to be any chance of keeping our partnership going. Thankfully, the Chameleon in me was able to channel the "inner saleswoman" in me.
I still struggle at times, as does she. We both value the others happiness over our own. She especially, knows all too well my struggle (complicated) as well as the most likely future scenarios.
We also both know all too well how important it is to have those oft times difficult but much needed talks. Key is to keeping in mind how much you love eachother. Also, try to separate the message from the sometimes badly worded "Words". When dealing with highly charged emotional topics, the "Filter" sometimes gets bypassed and things are said that may hurt, intentionally at the heat of the moment or, perhaps deserved at that point in time. You both need to recognize things may be said that hurt. Don't take them to heart. Listen to the message behind the words.
My heart and prayers are with you both
