Hello ladies, I came out to myself as a transgender a week ago, and I am due for an appointment at a psychiatrist today.
At the time of coming out, I remember feeling very confident about the conclusion I had reached upon , but as the appointment with the doctor inches closer, I am beginning to have doubts about myself again.
I have always been a very indecisive person my whole life, but this time around, things are pretty serious.
I am again at the age-old dilemma, of whether I am a tv or a tg. I researched extensively about this and I haven't yet found a single article that helped.
I just wanted to ask you ladies one question. Is it possible for a person to dress up and get sexual gratification, and still be a transgender?
In my case,
1) Yes, I get sexual gratification after dressing up, but after that, I don't feel uncomfortable about it. In fact, I feel very comfortable.
2) I don't really feel comfortable with the male roles in the society.
3) Whenever I see a man and a woman walking on the road hand in hand, I imagine myself in the girl's place, and I imagine the feeling of being protected and loved by a man. I really love that feeling. But, on the other hand, I am not very much attracted to men. I am sometimes, but to a very selected few. ( The handsome, greek god like hunks, with not a hair on their body) ( ps- Stop reading if you think I am crazy lol)
4) I see myself, presenting as a confident female in public, very lady-like.
5) I have fantasized about being a mother.
6) I used to crossdress as a child when I was 6 years old, and there was nothing sexual in it, I just loved it.
7) I loved playing with dolls, and doll houses till my parents bought me some toy cars. I loved my toy cars too.
I played exclusively with my sister and her girlfriends when I was at home or at school. When I was in 3rd grade, my parents changed my sis's school. I cried hard that day. I stopped socialising after that, and I don't have any childhood friends as a result of that.
9) I don't feel dysphoric when I am called with male pronouns. I don't feel anything out of place.
10) I do feel as if I am pretending to be manly, tough when I talk to my friends, but is it to hide my feminity or just to blend in?
What is your inference from these points?
Do you think there is even a slight chance of me being transgender?
Do you think I have become so used to pretending, that I have hidden my feminity or is it all some big sexual , attention seeking, drama queen behaviour?
I don't really know what to believe anymore. Sometimes, I feel I am finally realizing my true identity, and sometimes, I just think I am kidding myself and wasting everyones time.
All of you have been very helpful so far. Thank you for the support.
Please reply and help me help myself.
