Thanks everyone. I managed to set up an appointment with an office that has multiple therapists who deal with patients struggling with gender identity, including those in various stages of transition. I'm nervous and wracked with fear of the unknown, but at least I'm doing something. I can't sit still any longer. Luckily, they had an appointment open for this evening and they work with financing so even though I have to pay out of pocket, I'm only paying half what I would with my insurance. When I picked the time with my counselor to be, she asked if I needed some time to think about it and all I could do was laugh internally about how ridiculous that sounded. I've spent more time than I care to even attempt to discern denying and rationalizing this away. I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm worn out inside of my head, I feel obsessed and crazy. It's time to arrange these thoughts and feelings with someone who can help. I need to start towards an outcome, whatever it is. No matter how terrified I am, at least I can take solace in coming to terms with that.
