This is not about living life insanely (although that might be the case). I was talking to my mother a couple of nights ago, and she was calling me, "you're weird! weirdo! no heart!".... I don't even have her support pretending to be normal... what could I expect when I become real, I let her talk, and then I realize she's a toxic person in my life.. I care about what she thinks of me to the point I am not living life. I won't go there too much. But the point is, I am not at all, what she thinks I am (and the illusion that I created). We live in a digital-world, our lives are like url and links, there is no such thing as privacy... if I am become "real", she will find out.
I don't want to give a damn what she thinks. OR ANYONE'S THINKING.
I also realize that people are not honest, people don't care about anyone but themselves (In general). I think there's toxicity that's in my mind right now, like worms digging into my brain and making me feel like a total disaster. Then I woke up. Who cares about the negativity of what others think of me?
If I want to wear pink fishnets, cut my hair like Miley Cyrus, wear gothic high heels, wear a tuxedo and a mini skirt, put gold glitter, elf ears, and walk the streets like that.... I shouldn't care about what people think of me. We dress the we dress because we care about the thoughts of people. I am transgender, but I am also a hedonistic bicurious, and into men, philosophy, artist, crazy person. I am a woman, but I am fine looking masculine too (like Miley Cyrus).
I don't want to say I am Lady Gaga, but now I see why she was Lady Gaga. I can see her influence clearly on pop. I can see the influence of Madonna on pop. And the influence of Christina Aguilera when dropped "Stripped" back in 2002. All these women freed society and women's rights to be insane, crazy, and speak their minds.
I want advice on how to not care? I already wasted a quarter of life (if I live to 100), don't want to waste the next 3 quarters.
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