I want to come out to my parents, but I don't want to prove a stereotype true.

[Tyr]

Hello everyone!

It has been a long time since I posted on this website. My girlfriend of three years just left me, and honestly, I don't feel like I have much else to lose. Due to this, I decided now was as good a time as any to come out to my family, or mother, at least. While I don't necessarily think her reaction will be negative, as she is a member of the LGBT+ community herself (L), there is still the concern. However, even more-so a concern of mine, is proving the anti-LGBT stereotype true. Many anti-LGBT bigots will say that LGBT couples shouldn't be allowed to adopt/etc because their kids will end up "gay" or "confused." I think most of us know the absurdity of this argument, but fact of the matter is, it is still an argument that people make, and by coming out as transgender and having been raised by two women for most of my life, I feel like I will be proving it correct.

Thoughts?

Thank you,
Skye <3

[AnonyMs]

I'd hope she will be happy that you feel free to come out to her. Presumably she did the same thing herself once and understands how difficult it is. Its shows she's a good mother.

[Megan.]

Concern for your mums reaction is totally normal, and I hope she would be understanding. But don't let concerns of people you don't even know get in the way of your own happiness. There are countless same-sex parents in the world today, the choice of one child does not prove anything.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you happiness. X

[LizK]

The chances of a Trans activist child being trans is 1 in 189 and lots more good stuff here

Somewhere around the 8 minute mark for the stuff about the odds...I would encourage to listen to the whole lot

You might enjoy this

Liz

[AGoalOfHappiness]

I personally don't think there isn't anything wrong with following a stereotype. Not to mention most bigots don't make an argument that the children of lesbian or gay parents will become trans. I say go for it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Tyr]

The chances of a Trans activist child being trans is 1 in 189 and lots more good stuff here

Somewhere around the 8 minute mark for the stuff about the odds...I would encourage to listen to the whole lot

You might enjoy this

Liz

I watched the whole thing, thank you. It was interesting and helpful

[Tyr]

I'd hope she will be happy that you feel free to come out to her. Presumably she did the same thing herself once and understands how difficult it is. Its shows she's a good mother.

I am sure she does know how difficult it is, as her mother still doesn't support her. While they aren't the kind of people to outright ditch her as a daughter, they did refuse to support her sexuality.

[LizK]

Yeah me too glad it was useful

Liz

[Tyr]

Concern for your mums reaction is totally normal, and I hope she would be understanding. But don't let concerns of people you don't even know get in the way of your own happiness. There are countless same-sex parents in the world today, the choice of one child does not prove anything.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you happiness. X

Thank you   

[Tyr]

I have another question for those of you here; I am also pansexual, and I was curious if it would be easier and/or soften the blow to come out as that first? Should I come out as both at the same time?

[Megan.]

My personal view is that my gender is more core to my identity than my sexuality, so that was the most important thing for me to open up about, others may feel different.
When telling others about being Trans, quite a few have then also asked about my sexuality, and I have taken that opportunity to also share my current feelings (also pan').
I can see my sexuality possibly evolving over time, but my gender is a far more static thing for me.

[Raell]

Your gender identity is how you present to the world, so that's more important for your mother to know.

Your sexual orientation is your personal business, unless your dating choices affect her.

[Denise]

The chances of a Trans activist child being trans is 1 in 189 and lots more good stuff here
...
Somewhere around the 8 minute mark for the stuff about the odds...I would encourage to listen to the whole lot

You might enjoy this

Liz

Liz - Thank you!  That video is great! It should be required watching for all new parents. - Dee

[Sephirah]

Thoughts?

People try and explain away things they don't understand, or have experience of, because that's what people do. And if it weren't your familial status then it would be something else. If your parents were strictly heterosexual, deeply religious Llama farmers then you'd be doing it to rebel. Or going through a "phase", or whatever else those on the outside can come up with to bolster their insecurity-fueled, misinformed opinions. There is always a reason, for someone else.

You know you. You know why. The only thing you're proving is that you've found who you are and you want to pursue that. And you shouldn't let what other, somewhat more ignorant people think they know deter you from following that through.

Other people can't tell you who you are, so they certainly don't have the right to tell you why. My thought is that you have the power over yourself and your own life, and you should not give it to those to whom you have no obligation or need to explain yourself.

[Tyr]

My personal view is that my gender is more core to my identity than my sexuality, so that was the most important thing for me to open up about, others may feel different.
When telling others about being Trans, quite a few have then also asked about my sexuality, and I have taken that opportunity to also share my current feelings (also pan').
I can see my sexuality possibly evolving over time, but my gender is a far more static thing for me.

Yeah, that is true. When I came out to a close friend, my sexuality was the first thing they asked about, followed by what pronouns they should refer me to as in public.

Your gender identity is how you present to the world, so that's more important for your mother to know.

Your sexual orientation is your personal business, unless your dating choices affect her.

Yeah, I just thought it might be slightly easier to handle. I've heard of many people who decide to come out as gay in advance to ease the transition.

[Tyr]

People try and explain away things they don't understand, or have experience of, because that's what people do. And if it weren't your familial status then it would be something else. If your parents were strictly heterosexual, deeply religious Llama farmers then you'd be doing it to rebel. Or going through a "phase", or whatever else those on the outside can come up with to bolster their insecurity-fueled, misinformed opinions. There is always a reason, for someone else.

You know you. You know why. The only thing you're proving is that you've found who you are and you want to pursue that. And you shouldn't let what other, somewhat more ignorant people think they know deter you from following that through.

Other people can't tell you who you are, so they certainly don't have the right to tell you why. My thought is that you have the power over yourself and your own life, and you should not give it to those to whom you have no obligation or need to explain yourself.

Thank you for this, it helped a lot.

[CoriM]

The chances of a Trans activist child being trans is 1 in 189 and lots more good stuff here
...
You might enjoy this

Liz

An important thing to remember of this statistic is it only show a correlation. The suggestion I'd draw, with my experience, is parents in the LGBT spectrum are more likely to be open about their preferences. Openness is taught to their children, making it more likely that a child with any such condition is going to talk about it or even recognize it. In my case, when my dad clamped down on my desires at the age of 10, I was discouraged from investigating that route.

[LizK]

An important thing to remember of this statistic is it only show a correlation. The suggestion I'd draw, with my experience, is parents in the LGBT spectrum are more likely to be open about their preferences. Openness is taught to their children, making it more likely that a child with any such condition is going to talk about it or even recognize it. In my case, when my dad clamped down on my desires at the age of 10, I was discouraged from investigating that route.

My understanding from the article is that statistic is the same for CIS people...maybe I misinterpreted that?

"1 in 189 adults in America are Trans" is the stat I am pretty sure she talked about first up...what I understood is what she is really saying is...you are no more likely to have a trans kid if you are Trans yourself than if you are cis. Did you mean that, you are more likely to notice and respond correctly if your child has gender issues if you are Trans? I think that is also probably true.


That was my take on it 

Liz

[DawnOday]

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends

There is no stereotype only a warped sense of righteousness on the part of haters. I have learned I can no longer ignore the reality of my pre birth medical mishaps. I didn't choose this and when I prayed to be a woman because I knew in my head my physical attributes did not match my brain. I knew it was not a fantasy I was pursuing, but rather I was pleading to make me whole. I doubt you woke one day and said I think I want to be??? I'm reasonably sure it took considerable self examination.  Everyone has stereotypes even the RedNecks that pass judgement.