Quote from: Pisces228 on January 07, 2017, 08:05:13 PM
Being trans has always been a lonely life for me. I have never had a real connection with anyone. I have never felt like I fit in. I have always yearned for a moment that I felt at peace or felt normal.......I have always been waiting for my loneliness and severe social anxiety to just reduce, just by a small amount. I have always been waiting to not feel like a girl in a boys body. I have always been waiting for something. Something intangible that I can never feel or see or know completely.
Starting hrt and transitioning has helped with my dysphoria, but quieting the dysphoria had allowed me to recognize my other mental health issues now that dysphoria is not screaming over everything else. I am feeling how severe my social anxiety and my chronic loneliness is. How I feel like an outsider for being trans. How intensely sad I am that i cannot reach out to another human to try and form a friendship because my anxiety is so debilitating.
I want to be accepted as the woman I am. I was always meant to have been. I feel like I'll never be treated as a real woman. I'll always be aware that I look like a man. I'll never be able to just live as a women. I'll always feel like I look like a man in a dress no matter how much I feminize through hrt or surgery. I'll always feel out of place. I'll always feel alone.
I completely understand the feeling i have sever social anxiety also and its on such a level not a lot of people have grasped how hard it actually is unless they've experienced it to the same extent.
It's hard for people to grasp but with experience or looking into the topic it tends to help people to a degree.
But anyways i'm going on about nothing to get straight to the point a lot of people feel like they cannot do things because of anxiety holding them back or that their transition will basically be a waste because they'll still look like the gender they are not, sometimes i feel the same.
I don't think HRT solves everything
but i do think within time you'll find yourself a lot more relaxed i don't know how long you've been on this or if you are on it i don't think i completely understood but i can say that it's important to know that it takes time.
And as impossible as it seems it truly isn't. I've been on hrt for a little while now and i just passed the other day in a place where everyone new me and my family so that for me was shocking. and you know something even on hrt i never thought for a single second that would ever happen and when i least expected it it happened.
I don't know if we will ever see ourselves as the way we want to see ourselves
but i think a start to helping us see ourselves is getting rid of the stereotypical idea of what we should look like in society because everyone is different. I haven't been on mine long enough to say much but that's what i'd say for the moment maybe someday when on this longer i'll have more advice and more of a knowledge base upon it.
