I have to say, these past few months have probably been the hardest on me so far, mostly because I pretty much just gave up. I dropped out of my classes at college, stopped working on my music, and might as well have been a zombie for a few months. I would stay up until 2am, get up at 10am, play on my computer all day, and avoid even socializing with my family. I also had, for the first time in years, really bad thoughts about life.
Then I guess I just woke up one day and looked around at all of my friends and family, realizing that I am really not going through anything as bad as them, but if they can keep moving, then so can I. Currently still having issues with motivation, especially related to my music, and having anxiety about returning to college at the end of the month, but still better off than I was before.
I am also I guess making some kind of promise to myself that I will try to be better this year. Two of my biggest priorities being to finally get over my fear of driving(and get my license), and to try to find a job so I can afford to transition. Which leads to another goal, to be brave enough to come out. Which is a bit scary knowing more solidly about the views of my siblings and dad relating to the LGBT community, especially transgender people, but I feel in the end they will... tolerate me.. maybe not support, but tolerate is something I would be okay with.
I think my friend coming out as gay kind of gave me a bit more confidence, mainly since he is two years younger and comes from a much more religious family, and is doing okay as far as I know(of course assuming he actually came out and wasn't joking, it was kind of a confusing text).
But, currently in the process of growing out my hair.. sort of, more of like a long undercut because I was too lazy to shave my head and start over... Also getting it colored again which is cool since I feel like that gave me a lot of confidence last year.
Honestly, if I wasn't so afraid of my mom's response being negative(which is kind of a dumb fear considering she was totally okay with the thought of me possibly voting for Clinton, and makes it obvious that she at least suspects I am gay), I would probably just email her or text her while I am at college.. of course my fear being that she is currently my only ride home so I would be kind of stranded at college if she had an overly negative response.
Overall though, probably will continue to just leave "hints" while I build up my bravery/confidence... of course I still doubt those even work at all, but assuming my friend is actually gay, it has worked out for him.. kind of(like, it would be more shocking to me if he wasn't).
