So I saw HER today...

[Angela Drakken]

..The girl who sexually assaulted me when I was a child. She still lives in the area, breeder welfare case..
I was visiting my girlfriend at work on her break with dinner, and when leaving the parking lot I saw her walk in front of my truck.. She didn't recognize me, likely never would. A million thoughts raced through my mind, part of me wanted to gun the engine and run her down with my vehicle (not productive, or positive.) Part of me was glad that shed become a fat slob in her later years. Part of me was curious what kind of 'life' shes leading now, if she even remembered what she'd done to me when I was little, I know she was pretty young too, yet old enough to know better. Part of me was wondering about the 'statute of limitations' for Sex Assault cases in Ontario and if it'd even make a difference. Then, part of me realized the light had turned green and I'd been idling there for about 4 minutes and she was long gone from view.. I got honked at, to be expected. I'm pretty 'triggered' right now, I think it's called. I still have intimacy issues to this day, physical contact repulses me, and it REALLY effects my personal relationships. Y.Y

[flytrap]

I am so very sorry, Angela Drakken.
I don't know who said this but try hard to believe it when I think about what Mom and my cousin did to me.

"Forgive not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace."

Love, Flytrap

[Angela Drakken]

I am so very sorry, Angela Drakken.
I don't know who said this but try hard to believe it when I think about what Mom and my cousin did to me.

"Forgive not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace."

Love, Flytrap

I think it was Jonathan Lockwood Huie, though I could be wrong, I frequently am.. lol
Sadly, I don't think forgiveness is ever in my heart for this one, I can forgive my parents for the way they tried to 'train' the 'queerness' out of me, I can forgive everyone who picked on me, beat me up, or threw things at me, laughed at me, in extreme situations, tried to kill me.

There's no finality to this one, I get to live my life cringing whenever my girlfriend touches me, every time it breaks her heart. She knows it's not her fault. Meanwhile, this monster has her whole life with no regrets..

Not to mention the whole stigma about 'boys' being sexually assaulted.. it clearly doesn't happen amirite? >.>

[Dena]

I think you have proven yourself to be a better person than she is. For a moment you held her life in your hands and you refused to take revenge. Instead you allowed her to continue on her way never knowing how much her life could have changed in an instant. I know you are still hurting and the memory will be with you for the rest of your life, but you have a great future waiting for you.

[Angela Drakken]

I think you have proven yourself to be a better person than she is. For a moment you held her life in your hands and you refused to take revenge. Instead you allowed her to continue on her way never knowing how much her life could have changed in an instant. I know you are still hurting and the memory will be with you for the rest of your life, but you have a great future waiting for you.

I still feel like such a coward though, I never said anything when It mattered. (To the right people, anyway.) I couldn't even honk my horn and glare at her now. Y.Y

[Dena]

I still feel like such a coward though, I never said anything when It mattered. (To the right people, anyway.) I couldn't even honk my horn and glare at her now. Y.Y

You were young and inexperienced in life when it happened. Women much older than you were at the time hid the fact that they were raped for years because of the shame or the fear of not being believed. You are not a coward as you have lived with it for years and were able to put it far enough in the background that you could build a life for yourself. Had you honked your horn, she would not have known what it was about so it wouldn't have made any difference.

There will always be would have, could have, should have but you can't change the past. You look at what you have now and start building a new life. Live for the future.

[Angela Drakken]

Wisdom schooled, thank you Dena :3
Thanks for letting me vent a little before my partner gets home. I'm a bit more calm now before talking about this with her tonight. I opted not to tell her right away, because I didn't want to upset her at work >.<

[Jacqueline]

You are human. I mean that in all the best possible ways(I usually mean the other way).

Humans have empathy, curiosity and compassion. Other species show some of that but really only humans fully can work through this. You proved it. You are a positive human.

Your rock. Congratulations.

With warmth,

Joanna

PS Do feel free to scream, vent and cry a little longer if you need.

[big kim]

Sometimes taking out a POS is just not worth it. This is one such case. They've probably stuffed their own life up big time. Most of the scum who bullied me as a kid are dead, in jail or live in a bus shelter drinking metal polish. I'm OK with that

[Beth Andrea]

I'm 52, and endured a lot of csa as a child. I was 46 when I finally saw a therapist. 40+ years of "living" in a hell partly of my own making...because I was stubborn and thought I could deal with it on my own, after the police and school staff did nothing.

PTSD is treatable, but you have to want it in order to make it happen.

Mental health and its treatment have a bad reputation, partly because of how much was unknown 50-100 years ago...it's much better now.

The abusers in my childhood are all dead btw (natural causes, old age mainly).

[flytrap]

PTSD is treatable, but you have to want it in order to make it happen.

My trauma therapist told me the same thing. She says there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who go to therapy to face the fear and pain from their abuse, and those who don't. Trauma recovery therapy is  highly successful. And horribly painful. Sadly most people limp through life looking for any reason than can to avoid facing the abuse they suffered as children.

[Kylo]

I was going to try to say something about getting over things... but then I thought about some of the kids who made my life hell and what sort of reaction I would have if one of them crossed by me unwittingly in the street. I'd want to wrap my fingers around their throat until their brain rattled. So... I can't really say what I was going to.

But I think you were on the right track. She probably never amounted to much, and if she is a fat slob she'll do herself in all on her own in the end. Whereas you're on a road to another world. The baggage doesn't deserve to come along as well, or to have such a place of significance in your new life.

Mental skins are there to be outgrown and shed and walked over and forgotten. At least, that's how I managed to get through a fairly crappy childhood. Lots of miniature deaths of the old me and lots of purging of memories.

[Eevee]

I feel for you, Angela. This is something you never really get over. The person who sexually assaulted me works down the street from me in the nearby hospital. Luckily I never have to see her, so I haven't had to deal with the same conflict you have. I just make a point to avoid that place as much as possible just so it doesn't come to that.

[Tessa James]

Our individual and collective stats about abuse are almost too horrible to think about for long.  We do recover and we do survive and the very best antidote is to thrive.  Living full, well and with loving intention is the best remedy or revenge I have found.

Angela you sound very creative and while we may never forget, your talents can help you move on to better places and directions to point your headlights.

[Angela Drakken]

Angela you sound very creative and while we may never forget, your talents can help you move on to better places and directions to point your headlights.

I do spend a great deal of time inside my head, not sure how I come off as 'creative' though.. lol

But I think you were on the right track. She probably never amounted to much, and if she is a fat slob she'll do herself in all on her own in the end. Whereas you're on a road to another world. The baggage doesn't deserve to come along as well, or to have such a place of significance in your new life.

No I don't think she ever has, or ever will, amount to much. Just sitting around popping out kids like a clown car.
Still more of a life than she deserves..

From now on though, I'm going to concentrate on making mine AWESOME. My doctors are going to be pretty upset with me when they find out I had a couple cigarettes this week.. I think I get a free pass on that though!

[KathyLauren]

Angela, you are not a coward.  You handled it as well as your young self knew how.  And whether or not you are able to forgive her yet, your victory is in living your life as well as you are able today.

For years, I harboured thoughts of doing violence to the boy who sexually assaulted me in high school.  I longed to break every finger on his hand, the way I should have at the time.  (Okay, that may not sound very violent in the grand scheme of things, but it was for me.)

What changed was me.  Coming out to myself, I realized that he had seen something in me that I didn't recognize in myself: that I was gender non-conforming.  He made a mistake (trans not gay) and what he did was totally wrong regardless, but it finally made sense.  And, with that understanding, I was able to forgive him.  I haven't seen him in 45 years, and I probably won't ever again, but it is a load off my mind.  My forgiveness won't make a scrap of difference to him, but it removes that violence from my mind.

[Angela Drakken]

I really don't think she 'saw' anything in me. She was a hormonally driven teenager, and I may as well been a plastic object.

[Susan Baum]

From now on though, I'm going to concentrate on making mine AWESOME. My doctors are going to be pretty upset with me when they find out I had a couple cigarettes this week.. I think I get a free pass on that though!

And that Angela Brakken, is what transcendence is all about. There are very few who escape childhood or even adulthood without some degree of angst and some have had more than anyone should be expected to bear. As often as it has been said, I have found more than a few seeds of truth in the phrase "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." You didn't run over her did you?
Were I to offer any advice it would be to mention this incident and where it took you to your counselor should you have one; putting the past to rest may help with intimacy - it did for me.
(Only a couple of cigarettes? I would have devoured several packs!)

Susan

[Paige]

Part of me was wondering about the 'statute of limitations' for Sex Assault cases in Ontario and if it'd even make a difference.

Hi Angela,

When it comes to child abuse, there is no statute of limitations in Canada. Whether the child abuse occurred 5 minutes ago, 5 weeks ago, 5 or 50 years ago, an offender can still be charged. Nowhere is the latter more evident than with our Aboriginal people: more than 7,000 lawsuits have been filed against the Canadian Federal Government claiming sexual, physical and cultural abuse suffered at Residential Schools.

http://haltnow.ca/what-is-abuse/child-abuse/child-abuse-and-the-law

Sorry to hear about your abuse.
All the best,
Paige

[Angela Drakken]

Thats super awesome to hear. I may discuss this with my therapist when I meet with her next. (Though obviousy being assigned male, I still fear a good defense lawyer can somehow make it my fault because of whats between my legs..)