Just Some Thoughts

[Laura_Squirrel]

I was reading through a thread here and I started to think about something: What would it be like if I could meet myself when I was a child?

The more I thought about this, the more fascinating this idea was to me.

There I am. That depressed 10 year old. Sitting in my room, at the edge of the bed. In walks myself as I am now. The child turns around and says: "Who are you?". I look at them and say: "I'm you almost 30 years from now". The child responds: "No *bleep* way! Seriously?" I would look at them, nod, and reply: "Yep."

Of course, being such a frickin' smart aleck, that kid would say: "Wow. You got fat. And what's up with the glasses?" Of course, I would have no choice but to laugh and say: "Hey, that's the way things went. You should've exercised more and ate better. By the way, you can't do nothing about the glasses. Would you rather wear contacts? Don't worry about it. You will get use to it and grow to like them in the long run."

Then, that's when the big news would come out.

I would sit down next to that kid and say: You want to know the really interesting part of all of this?" That's when I would take out my I.D card and hand it to them. Then, I would watch as their eyes popped out of their sockets. "So, you're saying...this is me?", the child would ask. I would smile at them and nod. "Indeed, it is. So, what do you think about that?"

I would smile and giggle as I watched that child stammer and stutter in amazement. "This is wild. I can't believe this. This is actually going to happen?? When?!" "Unfortunately, not for another 20 years". I would reply.

Then, I would have to comfort them as the inevitable frown would form and a tear would be shed. "Don't worry, kid. It may seem like this will take forever. But, that time will come. Now, it won't be perfect and, honestly, your life will never be perfect. But, it will certainly be better than it is right now. Because you will finally get to live as your true self and that will be more than enough."

Then, that child would nod as I stood and walked to the door. I turn to them and say: "See you in 20 years".

[Daria67]

I love this! I'm not sure how my ten year old self would see me now. I think I'd rather tell my 23 year old self to not stop transitioning.

[Amanda_Combs]

It's the most bittersweet thing to imagine.  Having an adult like myself to love and guide younger me would have made everything so much better!  The funny thing is that at 10, I would have had no idea.  But I can imagine the effect a crazy/pretty lady claiming to be me would have had on me! 
   If I could choose just one thing to tell little 10 years old Amanda, I would say that I need to take my own feelings seriously and never let anyone convince me to deny what I feel.  It's gotten so bad that as simple a question as "Do you feel bad?" Can lead to an existential conversation about how we're never really sure about anything. 

    It makes some things clearer to imagine it; but it really hurts that the kind adult reassuring me didn't ever happen when I needed it.


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[Asche]

If I were to talk to 10-year-old me, all I could say would be:

"Just focus on surviving.  You really are a lot better than everyone says you are.  They're telling you you're a failure, but they're wrong, you only seem like it because they've set things up so you can't win, and they're using every tiny little mistake as an excuse to cut you down.  They're feeding you soul-poison.  That's why you feel like you're in hell.  Because you are.

"You're right to hide your self away, but not because your real self is awful.  It's because you're surrounded by people who hate who and what you are, and you need to protect yourself.  You and your real self are amazing.

"But in eight years you'll be able to leave.  And when you do, get as far away from this family and these schools and this town, in both mind and body, as you can.  Your real self is more wonderful and loveable than you can imagine, you just have to find people who can see it.  And capable.  Once you allow yourself to reunite with your real self, you will accomplish amazing things."

And my 10-year-old self will say:

"Yeah, I know they're out to get me.  I know this is Hell.  But I don't know if I can hold out for another eight years.  I don't know if I can hold out one more day.

"And I don't believe that bit about 'amazing.'  I don't wanna.  It hurts too much."

And I'll say:

"Can I at least give you a hug?"

And 10-year-old self will look unhappy and rather grudgingly will say:

"I guess so.

and let me take him onto my lap and hold and cuddle him and whisper words of comfort in his ear until the time-thingy that brought me there drags me back 53 years to the present.

And hopefully my 10-year-old self will remember that hug (and maybe my words) all through the 8 more years of Hell and feel a little stronger in his self.

But I won't say anything about being trans.  He's got enough hard stuff to manage without having to be aware of that, too.  When the time comes, he will know about it, and he'll manage it, if not with ease, then without second thoughts.

[CarlyMcx]

Bruce Willis made a movie about this called "The Kid" only the ten year old self comes from the past to the present and ends up teaching the present self about life.  Kind of this situation in reverse.

The first thing I would say to my ten year old self is, "You made the right decision choosing to play the flute.  Don't worry if anyone calls you gay.  You know who and what you are."

The second thing I would say is, "Don't waste your time on that '73 Camaro you get just before college.  Grab that Saab 99 that is going to pass through your dad's hands too quickly.  And learn to drive a stick while you are still young."

The third would be, "Do not focus on science or engineering or trying to be a pilot.   Major in history, go to law school, just get it done."

[Kylo]

I could picture myself asking if life was always this hard or just when you're a kid. And the older self saying "always like this".

And then if he was any good he'd have brought me a sports almanac.

Nah, in all seriousness I think kid me wouldn't have been shocked. Kid me was surprisingly resigned and sarcastic if that 3 months I kept a journal was anything to go by. Probably would have just asked so what were the stupidest decisions I made, or else why am I here?

[Sephirah]

I think my 10-year-old self would have hid with a duvet over their head. Hoping the stranger would just go away.

But one thing I would have said would have been... don't go back home once you leave the Navy. Go somewhere else, and your life won't be... broken. Just... don't go back to the place that's familiar. You will save yourself a lot of pain. Mental and physical. Mostly physical.

Stay away. And you can be you. You won't have months... years of bitterness, anger and hate festering inside you. You won't... have to cope. You can realise your dreams. You won't have to get used to being half a person. Stay away. The place you're living and will move to in a few years is a festering pustule on the anus of humanity. With people who hate because they can. And take it out on others because it makes them feel big and powerful. Get away. Stay away. And live.

I wish I could tell myself that, so much. *sigh*

... sorry, not in a good place at the moment.

[MeTony]

As a 10-yearold I realized I was not born boy. I was a boy until puberty. If I was to meet myself as a kid I'd say "Go for it! Don't be afraid and wait 40 years to be yourself!"

I hope me as a kid would nod and do as I say. But I know myself, I never did what adults told me as a kid. So the kid will propably be just me today.




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